Have passport will travel

I am enamoured

2010-04-09T21:32:00.005+03:00

Life sometimes bring me surprising turns. Turns that make me sigh with gratitude, "Alhamdullilah."

I have never been much of a water or beach person. I had always seen myself as a mountain girl. Water and the sea just scares me. I stay away from them.

We had talked about this trip semi seriously. I was somewhat interested, only because I like seeing new places and our friend Oi Lin kept telling us how wonderful her trip was last year. Me going was contingent on a few factors, that our friend could get us rooms with special rates and my friend Oilin could come with us. My Dearest could not make it over Spring break as he had to use his leave for his seminar else. So it was to be girls only trip; Amalina, Oilin and me.

Suddenly our friend told us that he could confirm the dates we said we could come. We could not believe it. Oilin had even given up her leave. I had resigned to staying home and meeting friends for coffee.

But it was meant to be. And I am truly grateful. Grateful for the opportunity for me to appreciate another aspect of this wonderful world created for us.

When we arrived at Male airport, we were greeted by the Four Seasons staff and whisked off to the sppedboat. Kuda Huraa is merely 25 minutes away by speedboat. We were greeted by ice cold drinks and refreshing cold hotel, scented with lemon grass. Luxury is about paying attention to the littlest details.

Just 10 minutes on, the steward approached Amalina and asked her if she wanted to see dolphins. She wasn't certain what that means. Dolphins to her are seen either in aquariums or performance shows in amusement parks.

These were wild Dolphins, free as free as they can be in the deep blue sea, the Indian Ocean. They even came up and greeted us. They swam by the boat as we stood eagerly, both nervous and excited.

Very special treat indeed! They wanted us to come! They wanted us to see them.

Then they seem to have announced our arrival to the rest of the inhabitants of the sea because the Pilot Whales came to pay their homage!

This was the first time the Pilot Whales are seen this year! What a wonderful start to our trip! We haven't even arrived at the resort yet!

The water bungalows at Four Seasons Kuda Huraa is amazingly wonderful! I have nothing to say but wonderful things about the marine life around Maldives and the resort.

And I yearn to go back.

Just to give you some highlights of our trip, enjoy these amazing sights.

Jet skiing before sunset. We saw another school of dolphins again.

If you want to see more highlights of our short trip, you can see them here and here.

Yes Maldives, I want to see you again. Till next time.

Il Vaggio al Courmayeur II

2010-01-22T01:41:00.010+03:00

Aosta - Courmayeur

Day 06 continued

The train 12:45 hr for Pre Saint Didier consist of one carriage with one door in the middle. It left on time on the journey that was filled with pleasant surprises.

If the Aosta station was small, the train stations to Courmayeur were tiny!

Does the Capo no longer have an office?

Some of the train tracks were running practically behind someone's backyard.

After what feels like eternity, we arrived at Pre Saint Didier. Since I had kept my camera away to free my hands to handle by backpack, Amalina and the stroller, I could not capture the picture of the station. Perhaps the Villineuve station will give you an idea what the size of the Pre Saint Didier Station was.

We had planned to take a taxi from Pre Saint Didier to Courmayeur. Afterall, from the information I found, Pre Saint Didier was merely 5 km away from Courmayeur. What I didn't realize that there were no taxis waiting for passengers at Pre Saint Didier Station. In fact, we were the only ones who got down there! Perhaps we could call for a taxi but to my dismay, our WIND Italian sim card had no reception at Pre Saint Didier!

We thought, why not ask the train driver if he could help us with directions and to our dismay both him and the train were gone!

At the corner of the station was a tiny bar which was still closed. Trying our luck, we ventured inside, hoping that someone in there could help us call a taxi. The cleaning lady, whose Italian accent was different than what I was used to, kindly gave us a business card for a taxi for Courmayeur whom we could call to fetch us. I asked if she has a telephone for us to use and she could not help us with that. Instead, she suggested that we walk to the Piazza which was 5 minutes away.

Slightly nervous, we trudged along; Saiful with a huge rucksack on his back and our huge suitcase, me with Amalina's stroller and another backpack on my back, in the slush on a quiet road, with no signs of another vehicle.

At the end of that quiet road, I saw a boy, no more than 10 years old, shoveling his front walk. My Italian came back in a hurry. I greeted him and asked if the Piazza was in that direction. And he said yes it was.

I asked him if there were taxis there to take us to Courmayeur. And he shook his head and said nope, there won't be taxis there.

Instead he pointed to us the bus station (which we did not notice before because it was hidden behind a mountain of snow) and told us that there are buses to Courmayeur from the l'fermata. I asked him what time the bus will come and he said well I'm not sure you'll just have to wait there.

I was slightly nervous as we could be waiting for another hour for the bus to come. Luck was on our side as a bus pulled into the bus stop merely 5 minutes later. We were the only passengers on the bus and the driver waited patiently for us to haul all our luggage onto the bus.

The bus fare from Pre Saint Didier to Courmayeur was EUR1.30 and the journey took no more than 20 minutes. As we pullled into Courmayeur I was excited and nervous at the same time.

I had tried to look for directions for the hotels via google maps before we left but could not find details. I tried asking the bus driver after he boarded the bus but he didn't know where the Hotel was and suggested I ask someone.

The main bus station where we got off its actually very convenient. There is a bus ticket office, Tourist Information office and Hotel booking office. Unfortunately the Tourist Information office was closed. What a day right?

Luckily I found a big self service map showing where all the location of the hotel was in Courmayeur (yes it was that small). We followed the directions for the Hotel Bouton D'or which was as follows:

Take the steps up on the right side. There is a path from the front of the Post Office that lead you directly to the front of the hotel.

Sounds simple enough right? Except the path mentioned was covered knee deep with snow. took us a few minutes to figure out with one the correct path was! Not to mention that it was impossible to pull the luggage through knee deep snow!

This was the path after they had shoveled it the next day.

So DH and The Little One stayed behind at the Post Office while I trudged ahead looking for the hotel and perhaps I can ask for help there.

Upon arrival at the Hotel, I recognize Patrizia, the owner, from the picture on the website. I introduced myself and told her about our problem. Patrizia told me not to worry and her husband will pick DH and The Little One up from the post office. She also informed me that she has instructed the chambermaid to put extra pillows in our room for The Little One.

Il Vaggio al Courmayeur I

2010-01-20T14:55:00.000+03:00

Torino - Aosta

Day 06

We has a early start. Left the hotel at 750 am to catch the 825 am Train to Aosta and then to Pre Saint Didier.

At the station we found that the earlier train to Aosta has been canceled. We banked on hope that our train will still run! Had to change platform. Found train filled with people. We were grateful when the train departed on time.

The view from the train.

DH catching up with some sleep while Andrea Bocelli croons to him as the Italian countryside fly past.

Amalina having a snack.

First sight of the mountains.

View as we pulled into Aosta.

The train arrived in Aosta. We arrived over an hour late behind schedule. We had planned to deposit our bags at the left luggage at the station to make our way to Pila. Read somewhere that the Pila cable car was not too far from the train station.

But alas, the train station was small and had no left luggage facility. Did not feel like lugging our huge suitcase plus 2 big bags to the cable cars.

The next train to Pre Saint Didier was at 1245. The staff at the Aosta train station suggested that we enquired at the Tourist Information office for more information.

Amalina, however, was unaware of our constantly changing travel plans and couldn't resist playing with snow. This is, afterall, what this journey is all about!

Checkout how much snow there was on that car!

I am so amazed how easily she made friends. Another little girl seeing her playing with the pile of ice approached her calling her "Bimba! Bimba!" She didn't respond to the girl that time.

Afterwards, on their way to the Tourist Information office, they met up with the girl again and played in the snow for awhile. The girl thought it was funny to push Amalina into the snow.

But alas, the Tourist office was closed! Amalina found time to play with some snow instead!

Turns out that buses do run from Aosta to Courmayeur and the journey would take 1 hour. Since we had the Eurail pass for the day and the bus leaves at 1230, merely 15 mins earlier than the train, we opted for the train.

Dolce Vita

2010-01-08T12:52:00.021+03:00

Firenze - Torino

Day 05

From Firenze, we parted ways with our travel companions. Since it was their first time in Italy, they decided that it was a must to do Rome. DH and I have done Roma before, albeit separately, so we decided to venture into the Alpi or the mountains instead for Amalina to play with snow.

Our initial plan was to travel directly to Courmayeur but during my research, I found that the journey would take over 7 hours on the train. And that would mean all daylight hours and we didn't fancy arriving at someplace new when it was all dark. So we decided to stop at Torino overnight instead.

We had traveled to Torino before via Ryanair (tickets cost us 1 pence, came to GBP17 total for the ticket, happy days...) before so it would be familiar.

We departed at 7 15 am. The staff at Cantinetta da Verrazzano (where we have been having our breakfast) were busy preparing for their opening. We wished them, "Buon Natale!" and good bye and they waved us off. (Did I mention that the people in Firenze were very friendly?)

The journey from Firenze to Torino on the FRECCIAROSSA was 3 hours. I would recommend to anyone planning to travel up and down the country by train to purchase a EURAIL pass. We found the cost difference between first class and second class were marginal and it was very comfortable, clean and good value.

We arrived in Torino late by 60 minutes. The train had to slow down at several areas due to the unusual snow. We immediately checked in The Best Western Hotel Genova, which is right next to the station.

Funnily enough the guy at the reception told us that he wants to move to Malaysia. (He thinks Singapore was nice but too clean.)

Our plan was to travel to Arquata Scrivia to shop at the McArthurglen Serravalle so off we set off to the train station. But alas, the trains to Arquata were canceled due to the weather. Initially we thought of taking a different train and change but since that train was delayed indefinitely, we decided to abort the plan and spend the day in Torino instead.

Amalina enjoying the Ligurian style focaccia or pizza by the slice on an airy soft yet crispy bread.

Mother and child outside the Palazzo Reale in Torino.

Lady in Torino looking very cold as she walked across the square at Palazzo Reale.

The news in Torino for the day was about how much snowfall they encountered and how the public transportation was affected. They even had to mobilize the army to help shovel the snow at the square.

Salmon mousse anyone?

Mostarda di Frutta, fruits preserved in mustard oil. I didn't know why I didn't buy some to try that day. Now I wished that I did!

Do you think they like cream?

Price clearly marked, something I like very much.

Gelato anyone?

Amalina had one. Even though it was freezing cold.

Playing on a pile of ice/snow on the square. It was only 6:02 pm but it was already dark.

I'm making a snowball.

It started to snow again and getting really cold so we decided to head back to the hotel and get ready for dinner.

Fare spese

2010-01-06T01:42:00.017+03:00

San Lorenzo Mercato Centrale

We decided that Day 04 would be dedicated to visiting the famous markets of Firenze. So a visit to the San Lorenzo mercato centrale was in order. The city's major produce market, the mercato is full of fresh produce, delis and sundry items from around the region.

Outside the market are rows and rows of shops selling leather goods like bags, belts, hats, scarfs etc. We didn't take any pictures though, partly because it was cold and partly we didn't want to be distracted. I had read a tip somewhere that there could be pickpockets about in the area.

Once we stepped into the produce market however, we found the place less crowded and more relaxed. Out came the camera.

Balsamic vinegar? How old do you want them? 10 years? 15? 25? or 50? The 50 year old one was over 100 Euros.

What about some of that aromatic porcini mushrooms?

I like how the goods are displayed in the area. All prices are clearly market so no guessing is necessary.

It got colder and colder in the market and the gentleman decided to but a beany on.

They do cater for the Japanese tourists.

Are you buying for today or for Natale?

This lady whose name I forgot, got the lion share of our purchases as she was kind enough to welcome us and took a lot of time to explain and educate us about the different balsamic vinegars and the different tastes of olive oil. Also had a large sample of cheese for us to sample.

The 100 year old Balsamic vinegar was lovely but costs way too much for my pocket. Perhaps a real connoisseur can appreciate.

Our travel companions enjoying the sampling session.

Here we are after our purchases. After which I asked her where we could have a good lunch and she directed to a place that looked like a hole in the wall. But it was jammed packed with locals and the food was delicious and reasonably priced.

La Torre de Posa

2010-01-05T23:43:00.017+03:00

Day 03

Amalina's fascination with the Leaning Tower of Pisa began after watching a Little Einstein episode. I didn't realized how much that stayed with her until one day, after stacking some cups upside down, they went a bit lopey and she declared, "Look Mummy! The Leaning tower of POSA!"

Leaning Tower of Posa? She meant Pisa? Since then we realised that she had a little fascination for The Leaning Tower of Pisa and decided that we would bring her to see the real thing one day.

And the day has come.

The train ride from Firenze is just over an hour.

The train ride to Pisa was littered with scenes of the countryside covered with snow.

We arrived at Pisa not knowing where to go. I know we had to catch a bus to the Torre. Found a bus Map that told us that we want the Rossa line or the Red line.

A lady who was standing at the bus stop kindly informed us that the l'fermata (bus stop) for the Rossa line towards the Torre is in front of the albergo (hotel.) By this time by old Italian classes are coming back to be quite quickly!

I asked her where we should get the biglietti (tickets) for the l'autobus and she told us that we didn't need them as the bus was free on Domenica (Sunday.) Hooray! Imagine that! Free bus on Sundays! So here's a good tip for you travellers to Pisa out there! Buses are free on Sundays! (In Dec 2009 that is.)

I am so grateful for the hospitality of strangers to tourists! She told us all that information with a smile. What would we do without the goodwill of friendly strangers?

When we got on the bus, I heard two Singaporean girls behind me. I could tell they were my countrywomen not only from their accent but also from the following conversation.

Girl 1: How did you know this one is the bus ah?
Girl 2: I asked the guy at the shop. And he told me.
Girl 1: So ah, how do you know where to get off?
Girl 2: You will know one.
Girl 1: Aiyaa Pisa so ulu and so kampung wan ah? Look like Malaysia like dat.
Girl 2: Ulu? This is not ulu yet. Later I show you Ulu.

Wah you see ah. I cannot tahan wan the girl talk like dat! She says ah Pisa Ulu like Malaysia like dat. But ah, nevermind ah, gud wan she is travelling to see the world. If not ah she thinks only Malaysia ulu and kampung one.

I smiled at myself as I listened to that conversation. I hope that I will be able to broaden my child's horizon so she can see the world and the big picture.

Girl 1 however was quite right. Pisa on Sunday was rather quiet and there wasn't much going on there except for the Duomo and the Torre! As soon as you get into the walls of the Duomo, one sight you will see a lot of are people taking photographs!

David, on the left side of Amalina, is not the only one with the weird poses in the vicinity. Almost all the tourists were trying to capture all sorts of poses with the famous leaning tower.

And here is the picture Amalina took as Abah took her picture. As you can guess, yes we are sometimes a picture taking family.

For posterity's sake we all had to take pictures with the Torre because otherwise there isn't that much else to do there. The sky looked different between the two pictures because we each used different cameras.

I didn't even pick up a fridge magnet there! Everything was made in China and costs a bomb.

After all those pictures we were ready for lunch. Now I had read another tip that suggested we ate further away from the Torre area itself because some were overpriced and not as delicious.

However I could not resist entering a chocolate shop, Dolce Pisa, Caffe Pasticceria at via S Maria. Found out they served pasta as well as delicious hot chocolate!

This was Amalina's Spaghetti con frutta di mare. We had wolved down the Risotto con Aspiragi before I could remember to take a picture. (It was a cold day and posing for pictures is hard work!)

I ordered Ciocolatta Calda Fondante (Dark hot chocolate) and DH ordered one with some pepper in them. Can you see how thick the hot chocolate is? Taste exactly like melted chocolate!

We then decided to take a walk. Without a map, and not sure where to go, we decided to follow the direction where other people we walking. Finally arrived to a place that looked like the town center and found their Sunday Market!

Finally found a bus stop that was serving the Rosso line. Our travel companion was looking at the bus schedule.

Do you still think Pisa look like kampung in Malaysia?

We managed to get the train back to Firenze and I could not resist paying homage to my mothership.

Beautiful attractions of Firenze

2010-01-04T00:19:00.013+03:00

Day 02

Its the day we decided to visit the Uffizi Gallery in Florence. The line was not too long. Tickets costs EUR6.50 per adult. Child under 4 is free.

I was rather proud of The Little One and her patience as we viewed paintings from room to room. Of course many questions were raised like why did they look so sad? Why did they look angry?

I tried to explain the paintings as much as I could without touching the religious nature or history behind the paintings except that most of them are about "Madonna and Child" and how the Mother is told that her baby is coming (Annunciation) and how she realizes that the baby will be an important person one day (Adoration of the Magi.)

She decided that her most favorite painting was of the Madonna and child (and Two Angels) by Filippo Lippi, which I admit is one of the more pretty Madonnas we have seen in the gallery.

We got up to room 17, The Hermaphrodite Hall and declared that she was tired and hungry. So we proceeded to the cafeteria to get some orange juice and sweeties. Just as well that around that time we saw several Santas (they were firemen really) trying to scale down the walls of The Uffizi.

The view from the terrace was absolutely beautiful that day. Too bad it was too cold for us to go outside. But it was nice to capture some snow on the dome.

Apparently it hasn't snowed in Firenze for 20 years and the bus services and cars were in a bit of a muddle that day with all the slush on the road.

After lunch we went to The Leather School at the Santa Croce area. I had read a tip that this is the area to go for Leather jackets and/or other leather goods.

Funnily enough The Little One thought that we were enrolling her in the leather school. She said, "I have never been to school in another country before, have I?"

Turns out the Leather school has seen quite a few celebrities who went there to have leather jackets and all sorts of leather things made for them. They don't do cheap, but they do good quality craftmanship.

As you can see the Leather School wall of fame behind Amalina and David. Apparently the likes of Ozzy Ozbourne, Madeline Albright and a whole bunch of other people I can't remember have been there ;)

Their service was brilliant never mind that we were some shabby travelers looking for a bargain. My dearest who was eying the bomber jackets at 50% off, ended up getting one tailored made for him. And yet they still entertained us in the same friendly and accommodating manner.

The kids ended up falling asleep as some parents were shopping.

Suggestions:

Vestri Chocolates
11 Borgo Albizi
Florence
Italy
Tel: 39 055 234 0374

North of Piazza Santa Croce

Il Bel Paese

2010-01-02T10:30:00.010+03:00

Milan-Firenze-Pisa-Torino-Courmayeur-Milan

Day 01 - Milan - Firenze

We arrived in Milan after an uneventful flight. Went through immigration, got out bags (which took a little while) and off we go. Found the Biglietteria and bought tickets for the Malpensa express (EUR 3,75 one way for children EUR12 return for adults) for Milano Stazione Centrale.

There were hints of ice and snow. The sky was grey but we were happy and excited. Arrived in Milano Centrale about 1.5 hours later. That was were we got conned #1. A main saw us struggling with our bags and offered to help us with our bags. EUR5 right to the train carriage. I told him we needed to get tickets first, he says no problem showed us to the concession place. To cut the story short he showed us where the elevator was and abandoned us there. Welcome to Milan!

Left the men on the platform where I went in search of the Trenitalia ticket office. Finally found it downstairs and there was a huge long queue. No wonder the guy didn't want to show us there. Waited patiently in the FRECCIAROSSA line which was shorter than the other line. Finally got a busty blonde Italian dame who was friendly and helpful. Got our Eurail passes validated and paid EUR10 per ticket for each seat on the fast train to Firenze, first class.

The men however were freezing on the platform and had brought all the bags downstairs in search of fresh Italian coffee. No such luck as we had to rush back to the platform to catch the 10:15 train to Firenze.

Found our cabin, then our seats and settled in. Still trying to get that first cup of Italian coffee, the men went to the Buffet car, only to be told that they had a problem that morning, hence no food or drinks.

The journey was 1 hr and 45 mins. Amalina decided to catch up with some sleep after she was bored with the iphone.

We arrived in Firenze, cold. I was glad that I had my thermals on, (although I was feeling hot in the plane.)

It took us awhile to get ourselves oriented to the area. Started walking in the general direction we thought the B&B was. Not easy with big bags and narrow pedestrian paths. After awhile I suggested that we stopped for Ciocolata Calda or Hot Chocolate and Amalina had Gelato to pacify her.

Turns out that the hot chocolate was the best our travel companions ever tasted and somehow Stephano's was never open when we wanted to have more of his hot chocolate later. (Rumour has it he already went home for Xmas.)

Stephano told us that our B&B was just straight ahead and after finishing our hot chocolates we went off on our way.

We found the B&B Residenza della Signoria quite easily after that. Turns out that the residence is right smack in the shopping area!

After we put our bags away, we decided to have some lunch. By this time it was almost 3 pm. There were quite a few restaurants near the Residenza. We chose the eatery round the corner because it was packed full when everything else was empty.

The food served at Birreria Centrale was delicious! We had the risotto with porcini mushrooms, ordered the Salmone Carpaccio (that came with orange and pomegranate) for Amalina and the husband had Tortellini con Tartufo. The food was absolutely delish! All the flavours just burst and went dancing in my mouth!

After the wonderful late lunch we walked around the area and found a fruiterer. Are those good looking tomatoes or what!

We bought some fruits to be eaten as snack the following day.

Happy 4th Birthday my Little One!

2009-12-30T12:21:00.000+03:00

May all your dreams come true my darling child.
You can achieve everything and anything you want to do as long as you work hard and focus your mind on success.
We want you to know that we love you very much!

Its a special day mummy!

2009-05-16T09:20:00.003+03:00

Somehow The Little had the inkling that I was having a long weekend.

"Mummy I want to stay with you at home," she cried and she clutched on my arm.

"But darling, if you stay at home then I won't be able to send you to school," I answered.

"And you will pick me up too?" she asked.

"Of course I will," I answered.

And so she slept. She is finally sleeping in her own bed albeit its still in our room. She had requested that she wanted a Charlie and Lola bed sheet and she will sleep with Charlie and Lola.

On the bus this morning she exclaimed, "Oh mummy. Today is a special day isn't it because you are sending me to school," she commented.

"And you will fetch me from school later right?" she asked.

I sure will.

Days like this sometimes make me wonder that perhaps I should be at home with my child.

But its just 5 more weeks before summer holidays and she will be joining me in my school in August anyways.

I have to say that me getting this job is actually a rezeki for her as much as it is mine.

She has blossomed really well at her Preschool. She now recognizes some of the alphabets and all of the numbers. Her motor skills are developing well and her social skills are improving.

Because Mommy has to go to work myself my Little One recognizes that we all have "jobs" to do and schools to go to. There were many days when she was tempted to skip school (as what her best friend often does) but couldn't because there was no one else at home to look after her.

But I have to confess that I do miss my social life. There are friends whom I haven't talked to in ages. Friends whom I used to hangout with, I just see occasionally. I no longer know who my neighbours are because I no longer use the shopping bus. I haven't sewn or done anything creative in ages. I come home tired. I still have to cook and spend time with my child. Somedays I feel like I'm on the treadmill and I play catch up during the weekend for groceries etc.

However, I am very grateful that I am working because I want to, and not because I need to.

And I am grateful that I've been given this opportunity because not everyone who wants to have the same chance.

So I will spend today being grateful that I have the day off and that I can fetch my daughter from school. And be grateful tomorrow that I have a job that I love doing.

Alhamdullilah.

A death and a lifetime of commitment

2009-05-02T23:31:00.003+03:00

Dear AM,

I went to a neighbour's house to convey my condolences today. You did ask me where I was going and I said I needed to visit a sick friend. I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth because I didn't want you to get sad and I'm not ready to answer your questions about death.

The lady is young. Early forties. Her husband, who was 47 died of heart attack at his house about 2 weeks ago. He died about half an hour after having an argument with his 15 year old daughter. His second son is 12 and his youngest son is 9.

Understandably, they are all in shock. Heart broken. Faris, the youngest still does not believe that his dad passed away. Yesterday he asked his mum, if it was true his dad passed away. Khalil the elder son is still grieving. He was with his dad when it all happened. He is probably still traumatized. The eldest daughter, well at the moment, is the cause of her mother's concern and pain.

"I cannot get back the one I lost but I'm afraid I will lose Christina if I don't do anything about it now."

She told me that Christina had always been a difficult child, even when she was carrying her up to today.

Suddenly, I recognize that this will not be the sort of relationship I want to have with you now or the future. I feel for this lady's sorrow. And for me to avoid this, I have to start working with you now.

I want you to know that you can always come to talk to either one or both of us if you have anything in your mind. And we promise to always listen to you with an open heart and open mind.

I promise that I will share the truth with you as much as I can, age appropriately.

I want to give you as much respect and freedom as I want for myself, within boundaries and limits. I want you to always feel that I respect you for who you are and who you will be.

I will love you, unconditionally and try to give you as much time as I can. Especially when you are asking for my attention when I am catching up with my friends or cooking dinner. You are more important, than anything else to me in this world. And I want you to know that.. always.

Please accept that I am still a mother in training. I promise to update myself, as much as I can, to understand your needs, your desires and your wishes.

I will always let you know that I love you and no matter how upset I am, I am upset at your particular behaviour, and not all of you.

I promise to always see your true and hidden potential.

And there is nothing more I want in this world, to have a wonderful journey with you and your dad into your adulthood, to see you bloom into a sensible, loving and wise adult.

No matter what happens, I will never place the blame on you. I will accept the situation as a life lesson for me to learn. So that I can share with you better directions or instructions.
[This does not mean you will not have the face the consequences of your actions though!]

I hope you understand why I didn't bring you along. This was my life lesson to learn. I had to concentrate on the experience so I will be a better mother.

With lots of love,

Mom

The perils of reading to your child

2009-04-28T17:07:00.007+03:00

"When I grow up I want to be a painter."

"Will you be a famous painter who sells her painting for millions of dollars?"

"No mummy I want to keep all my paintings, I don't want anyone else to have them."

What brought this on, I pondered.

And then I remembered that we have been reading her Reynold's The Dot. The Dot has inspired my child to paint everyday. Sometimes much to my annoyance really.

She once decided that she wanted to paint just before bedtime.

On the following day she decided that she needed to paint just before we left the house to go for dinner.

She managed to paint when she comes back from school.

She even insisted on painting just before we left for the airport to send the ILs off.

Who knew books could put in such strong inspirational ideas into children?

Then we read her "The Princess and the Pea." After we finished the story, she quickly pleaded that "Mummy please do not put a pea under my mattress. Otherwise I will not sleep very well."

I guess I don't have to worry about her being a princess then. A good night's sleep is more important for her.

Just yesterday she told me, "Mommy I missed you while I was in school just now. I don't think you gave me enough kisses in the morning."

I guess she thinks Rosemary Wells' Timothy gets more kisses from his mum than she does in the morning.

Have you been asked to read Mem Fox's Where is green sheep in the morning, lunchtime, afternoon and bedtime? In the car, at the kitchen table and on the bed?

If your child is anything like mine, she will not leave me alone and will ask me repeatedly until I manage to negotiate for a suitable time.

Luckily she hasn't asked me why the sleep were multi-coloured and did all sorts of things.

Some days I get detailed request from her for books, "Please bring me a book about a bee, a giraffe and a bear."

Is that all in one book or 3 different books?

Then there was the time when I got her A Cow, A Bee, A Cookie and Me. When she found out that the recipe for the cookies was at the back of the book, all I heard for 3 consecutive days was "When will we make the cookies mummy? Is it today"

And when I finally found the time to oblige the cookies were her precious possession. I was allowed two because I helped her bake them. Her dad could have one to taste.

She kept her box of cookies someplace in the cupboard and told us that "Its a secret place I put it mummy so one else can eat them but me."

Even when daddy asked for a second cookie to taste again, she said no. "Sorry Daddy they are mine and they are very special. Only for me."

I am lucky that I work in a library and have access to children books. But I am terrible in the sense that I love to purchase our own copy of her favorite tittles so our house is bursting with books.

So my advice to all parents is, if you want lots of free time alone for yourself to surf the net and everything else, don't start reading to your child. Because once you do, they will never want you to stop and they'll be very disappointed when you tell them you don't have the time for such trivial pursuits in life.

Especially when you start introducing to them the joys of reading, they'll be hooked. Possibly even for life. And you'll never have peace until perhaps when your child learns to read to himself/herself.

You've been warned!

Signed,

A mother of a 3 year old

Missing an Editor Lite software and Dongle

2009-04-11T15:39:00.002+03:00

My DH bought me the Bernina Aurora QE 440 as a gift after my Little One was born. He knew I've been eyeing it for ages and decided that we should go ahead and get it. To sweeten the deal he bought the embroidery module as well to go with the Aurora 440.

But I didn't open the embroidery module. I've been wanting to test it out but never got round to do so due to many many reasons. Motherhood. Everyday life. Didn't have the space on my sewing table. (Got a new sewing table.) Didn't have the computer to load up the software to go with the machine. Didn't take a project in mind.

Whatever my reasons were, I've left it in the box it came in until yesterday because M@rie called to say that she will be teaching a class on how to use the software.

So I finally opened the box until to find the dongle, and the software missing. Two things needed to make the embroidery module work.

I do accept that it was my fault that I did not open the whole thing right away.

But at the moment my heart is just bleeding. I am upset.

On the other hand, if its meant to be mine, it will be returned to me in other ways?

Life lesson for me, open whatever you buy right away.

In the meantime if anyone is selling theirs cheap, I would consider all offers.

She is saying grass...

2009-03-24T19:28:00.006+03:00

"Did you know that our daughter says grass in school?"

"Grass? What grass?" I muttered, caught by surprise.

"So what do you do when you say grass in school Little One?"

"We thank God for our friends and our food," she answered as she hopped around the kitchen like a bunny.

Bells were ringing a little. Some how saying grace (to us) does have a Christian connotation. Is my child being taught values of a religion which may be different from ours? So how come I didn't blink when they had Santa come to the school and I am somewhat uncomfortable that they are saying grace?

Surely it is a Muslim quality to be thankful and grateful for what we have? Isn't it why we are encouraged to say Alhamdullilah as much as we can?

So we had to ask her exactly what they say when they say grace.

"We say thank you for our friends and our food." Is that all? Anything else?

Its not that I mind her being thankful for her friends and her food. In fact I do encourage her to appreciate and be grateful for what we have.

Just last week she has begun to ask me questions like, "Can we eat pig?"

"No darling, we don't eat pork because we are Muslims."

Should we explain to her more? How much more?

I guess she is telling us it is time for us to teach her more about our faith. She understands that when we hear the prayer call, its "Solat" or time to pray and often asks to pray with us.

I am grateful that she is sent to us not only to bring us joy and strength, but also a reminder such that we can be better people ourselves.

I pray that God gives us the strength and light to teach her the best we can. Not just values of the religion but values that will build the strength of her character that will allow her to make good choices in all aspects of her life.

I would like to think that I am teaching her a world full of unity and similarities and not be afraid of diversity and differences, be it culture or religion.

My daughter, you do put me in a pickle sometimes. It is a precious gift that a person give to another when you make me want to be a better person so I can be a better example for you.

Its tough being a parent! And I am grateful for the opportunity

And most times times it is my little one who is teaching me to be a better parent!

Always for a reason

2009-03-01T11:51:00.003+03:00

I cannot tell you how many times I walked past the bookshelf with the books, "Tuesdays with Morrie." It is something that I would normally pick up but I didn't. The time didn't feel right. The book did not call my name.

It just happened that a friend had borrowed a book from a neighbor and I was the intercessor. And the book came to me. I had a weekend when plans had to be shelved. My body seemingly tired. Sulking I buried myself in the book. And oh boy, the words just snowed me under.

If anything, it pointed out to me that I have nothing to sulk about. I have everything to celebrate about my life. And I should embrace and celebrate every minute I can before the inevitable happens.

Here are some of my favorite bits of the books which I want to remember. To remind myself every now and then because the book would have to go forth and bring wisdom to the next reader.

"Do the kinds of things that come from the heart. When you do, you won't be dissatisfied, you won't be envious, you won't be longing for somebody else's things. On the contrary, you'll be overwhelmed with what comes back." pg128

I believe in paying it forward and I believe what you put out there is what you get in return. And I always must remind myself, whatever it is i do has to be Ikhlas, or sincere. From my heart. I should not recount it later but just to cast it out to the wind and forget all about it.

"Part of the problem, Mitch, is that everyone is in such a hurry," Morrie said. "People haven't found meaning in their lives, so they're running all the time looking for it. They think the next car, the next house, the nest job. Then they find those things are empty, too, and they keep running."

Once you start running, I said, it's hard to slow yourself down. Pg 136

I must remember to slow down. To take each day as it comes and not try to rush and cram everything in all at once. Sometimes I feel bogged down by implied expectations. Implied because I know too well myself that its an expectation that I thought was expected of me.

I must remember that its OK to say no. That I don't have to say yes all the time to please other people.

To always take a moment and ask my heart, myself, do I want to do this? So that I am not constantly running on a treadmill on a road to nowhere.

If we saw each other as more alike, we might be eager to join in one big human family in this world, and to care about that family the way we care about our own. pg 156

Its Ok for me to love other people and its OK for them not to love me back. Because the love will come back to me, in other ways and avenues I can't anticipate.

There is no formula to relationships. They have to be negotiated in loving ways, with room for both parties, what they want and what they need, what they can do and what their life is like.

Love us when you are as concerned about someone else's situation as you are your own. pg 178

If not, more ...

I am grateful that the book came to me. Right to my door.

All I want is .....

2009-02-28T21:47:00.003+03:00

To provide the best I can, with all the information I have, for my child.

I want her to have a good stable foundation and grounding for her future.

I do this by loving her unconditionally on beautiful days as well as on cranky days.

I try to educate myself as much as possible to equip me for this role.

I must remember that she too has her own destiny and that the Universe, our creator will take care of not just her but us as well.

I will accept that everything happens for a reason. And often enough it is revealed to me the good or the reason something happens or don't happen.

There will be many times that I may not know what to do. But I will explore all possible options and look into all avenues to see what I can do.

In the meantime I must trust that things will work out. One way or the other.

And often, the test is to see how and in what way I will react to the tribulations of life.

I promise to keep an open mind and accept whatever journeys that may come upon us and to learn in whatever way I can, either from the journey itself, from the people I may meet or the places I may see.

I am truly grateful that there are always people around me who are like my angels, who helped to light up my path, one way or another.

I like that she has brought my journey to different paths and makes me see the world and the people around me in a different light.

You make me want to be a better person. You make me want to take care of myself so I can love you better.

And that is the greatest gift anyone can give to another.

Its a huge responsibility my child, and I love you more for it.

Remembering to be grateful

2009-02-07T02:04:00.004+03:00

The days in a week seemed to just fuse and melt away together. The weekend is filled with errands and things to do.

I was asked recently, "Why are you so busy?"

I was taken aback by the question.

"Busy right now? Because I am ordering teh tarik or being busy in general?"

Busy because I am working?

I am often surprised when others remarked to me, "Its good now that you are working, It gives you something to do so you're not bored."

Bored? Something to do?

Thing is, I was already busy even when I was not working. I always had something to do. Books to read. Blogs to read. Projects to do be it sewing or other craft related. Travel plans. Emails to write. And most importantly, raising my child. I do not believe that one can ever be bored while raising a child. There is so much to do. Meals to cook. Cakes to bake. Books to read. Activities to plan. Research to read, plan and implement.

I apologize if I cannot empathize with people who says they are bored and claims that they have nothing to do. There is always something to do. Even prayers take time and boy I have lots of prayers to do. Doesn't everyone? Irregardless what religion they are?

Of course some questions were raised before why I needed to work. For me, the opportunity came by chance, through the goodwill of friends and acquaintances to my lap. And perhaps I am one of those people who is always game to try something new and/or different. (Perhaps thats the reason I seldom have time to be bored?)

I did it both for me and my child. I needed to know that my brain still works. There were days I could not string sentences properly together. There were times I thought some brain cells were permanently lost. And I wanted my child to see that women can work too if they wanted to. And to give my child the space so that she knows she is capable of having fun without mummy around.

I've seen how she is a different person when I am not there. It made her grow up a little so to speak. She is not whinny when I'm not there. Suddenly she sees me, she goes, "Mummy please carry me."

This works for us. I may not recommend it for everyone but for the moment this works for us and I am grateful.

Of course there were many mornings I wish I could just sleep in. Or when my child is sick I wish I can tend her at home.

Whatever it is, I constantly have to remind myself as I am doing so now, is that I must always be grateful for the life Allah has given me. For the opportunities he presented to me. For the people and friends I get to meet. For the good health we have. For the happiness we enjoy. For the wonderful food on our table. For everything.

I am only human and I try to do my best with whatever I can. Its very easy to get into a complaining mode (which I initially thought I was going to do) but I must constantly remind myself, how much more wonderful it is for me to be grateful.

I am grateful that my weekends are just so fast that it seems something just pops up for us to do.

Good or bad, I am grateful.

Alhamdullilah. Alhamdullilah. Alhamdullilah.

What's on your gratitude list today?

Ideological difference

2009-01-30T03:04:00.003+03:00

I met A* 5 years ago at an embassy function. We had very little in common except that we were both born in a small tropical island and now stranded in the middle of the desert.

A* is married to a middle eastern gentleman. They met in S/ngap0re when he was working there, their romance blossomed and they got married and she followed him since.

What I find most difficult is that she does not have a mobile phone herself or a home landline number. Her only connection to the outside world is through her husband's mobile phone which he carried with him everywhere he went including work.

"So if you want to call me, you can call him after 9 or 10 pm when he gets home from work and he can pass the phone to me."

"Why don't you get your own? Its easy enough to get a SIM card now and phones are cheap?"

"Well my husband said its not easy. He is busy at work all day long and he comes home tired and stressed out."

"So what is something happens to you in the day should you fall sick or faint or fall?"

"Well I can go to my neighbours and ask for help. Most of my neighbours are his countrymen so they know him well."

At first I thought well if she wants my old mobile, perhaps I can give it to her. But then I realize that perhaps it was not a question of economics or logistics but rather a control and/or emotional issue.

I always prided myself as someone who can empathize other people, their situation, culture or even economic circumstance. However this goes beyond my personal tolerance.

It makes me so mad that she accepts her situation. I have little respect for a man whom I consider controlling.

Last night I met her again and she looked very thrilled to see me. I however had to restrain myself very hard from shaking her into her senses, "Whats this woman! You still have no phone?"

Granted I don't know them well and has not made any effort to bridge the gap.

And what did I learn from this lesson? That I can be very judgmental and prejudiced much to my own chagrin.

If she is happy, why burst her happy bubble. Sometimes the feminist in me cloud my judgement of other people.

My child, if you meet a suitor who cuts you off from your friends or family and controls how you get access to them, run! Run as fast as you can! I am raising you to be a person who can have her own opinion and her own choices. Liberty is your birthright! Work hard to maintain it and don't give it away to anyone. Liberty does come with responsibility like everything else, but once you let it go, it may never come back. You may be a chained changed person forever.

Of a mum's guilty feelings and slings

2009-01-27T23:44:00.006+03:00

I cannot explain what has come over me but some days I just feel guilty about not spending enough time with My Little One.

It feels like she is growing up so much each day and I often wonder if I am letting precious moments pass me by.

Did I do enough today? I do sometimes wonder.

Just the other day she gave me a hug at the skate park and declared, "Mummy I am so glad you are here with me." And somehow that just made my tiredness melt away.

She has been a little unwell and just the other day I put her in our Didymos sling again because I needed to cook dinner and she wanted to be carried. And I think she enjoyed being carried in the sling again.

My child, some days you are 3 going on 20, and on other days you remind me that you but a baby and need her mummy to pamper her.

I must say, the sling has been and still is a lifeline for me. We decided that she has outgrown the Ergo as she was complaining that they pinch her. The didymos however does spread her weight well except that the amount of fabric is sometimes inconvenient to deal with.

Dear Little One, I want you to know that I love you all day long. I love you when we are together and I love you when we are apart. And I love you even more when you are being brave!

Surviving on miracles

2009-01-19T18:10:00.003+03:00

"We'll be out of debt by the end of the month," she declared.

What's this I thought. It turned out they had to repay the bank for a loan they took out for a business plan that went bust. And all this time she never breathe a word about it.

And so I had to ask.

"How did you survive all that time your husband lost his job?"

"On miracles. We have a supportive family," was her answer.

I first met this lady about 10 years ago during a training stint in the civil service. Of course during that time I didn't realize that we would be as good friends as we are now. But looking back, all these years, I never heard her grumble. She has had many trials and tribulations in her life.

As I told another friend, we all have our own struggles in our lives. What makes it different is how we deal with those struggles.

Do we learn to grow up and deal it with maturity and grace?

Or do we sulk and begrudge others whom we think are better off than us?

Or sink in depression with a woe is me attitude?

I realize more than ever now, the true character of my friend is her strength and resolute to be happy with the life she and her husband have built for themselves. Lesser people would have let this get in the way of their lives and their marriage. But not the Ss.

Congratulations my friend. You both are an inspiration to me. May this signify a new beginning in your lives. May the new year bring you more happiness and prosperity! Good luck.

Death of my N93?

2009-01-03T18:20:00.002+03:00

It all started when I brought my N93 phone to the Singtel Mobile shop in AMK. I wanted to know if its true they would give me SGD200 as a trade in value. It turned out that they could not give me the trade in value because I did not buy the phone locally.

Which was fine by me really. Because I was only 30% sure that I would buy a new phone.

My N93 has served me very well but lately it has not behaved itself. It sometimes turns itself off. Which is not a very useful feature on a mobile phone because sometimes other people may want to contact you. Without the "ring when someone is calling you" facility, my phone would be no better than a low resolution camera and video thingy.

But after I had brought my phone to that counter that fateful day, it has behaved more badly than ever! Just today it turned itself off just as I was having a conversation with a friend. Previously, it would do so after perhaps 10 mins of talking, and I had previously blamed it on the uncharged battery. But just today, after I made sure that the phone is fully charged, it still reset itself, turned itself off as I was talking and my time is spent making sure that my phone is still turned on!

Argghh!

Hubby dearest is leaning towards the iphone which I am reluctant because I am a faithful Nokia user. I did think of the blackberry but I just haven't put much thought into these sort of gadgets lately. [I'd rather get another sewing machine to be honest.]

One thing for sure I'd better extract all the phone numbers in there while I still can because I haven't stored the phone numbers else where.

I found some suggestions online on how to revive my dead Nokia N93, whether it works or not, I'll have to find out.

If anyone else knows how to deal with a hurt mobile phone's feeling please share it with me. Otherwise may I suggest you refrain from bringing your phone to ask its trade in value in case its feeling gets hurt like mine.

Hello 2009, good bye 2008

2009-01-02T07:39:00.004+03:00

How quickly time flies!

2008 presented me with wonderful and new adventures. The ever pending dreaded move did not happen in 2008 and I've decided that no matter where I am or will be, I will learn to adapt and love the place I live. I shall fear The Move no more. If it happens, we'll deal with it. It not, I'll enjoy the wonderful things about living here as much as I can.

I am truly blessed that I've had many opportunities to meet people who inspire me, who teach me a little bit here and there about life. Some became friends along the way, some became my sounding board. I am truly grateful for that.

My motto for 2008 was to invest in myself, doing whatever I can to make myself a better person. To my amazement, the change happened quite quickly, much quicker than I ever anticipated. Opportunities sprouted like wild mushrooms.

For the year ahead, I hope to live a life of gratitude, to see life as a glass half full. I must appreciate what I have and live in this moment and not yearn for the things that are not here or I cannot get.

Contentment is the state of the mind and I am determined to live a life of contentment rather that of discontent.

I will concentrate on what I do and do it well. I will ignore any sort of politics, gossip and Chinese whispers. And I will stop thinking of what others may think of me.

The only person I can control is me and I will work on me. I will continue to work on myself, to make myself a better person mentally, spiritually and health wise.

I hope to live in the here and now, at the same time work on my goals and dreams.

I will continue to reduce my clutter and not keep things that I can no longer use. Things are what I use to make me live well, they do not definite me as who I am. They are my tools.

I will eat well and eat healthy. Will try to prepare as many meals I can myself rather than resort to eating out.

I will keep positive people and positive energy around me.

I will continually appreciate the wonderful things I have in life; family, love, wonderful friends, great job, comfortable life, wondrous travels.

I began to learn not to over commit myself in the second half of 2008. I hope to continue to do better in 2009. I'm not at my best when I spread myself too thin.

We will save a lot more for The Little One's education. We will endeavor the best we can afford for her.

The round the world trip is still in the IN tray. Perhaps it will happen in 2009?

SO what do YOU have planned for 2009?

A mother's journey

2008-12-26T03:59:00.004+03:00

Upon arrival at Changi airport, The Little One remarked, "Mummy, there are lots of people that look like Mark."

"That is true honey. Thats because we are in Singapore."

I suppose living most of her life in the middle east, she hasn't seen that many Chinese looking people in any one location. I wonder if Mark will be flattered that Amalina chose to identify him as quintessentially Singaporean.

******************

Last night when we reached home, she declared. "Mama, sometimes when someone leaves me, I'm a little bit sad."

Even though I was trying to prepare for bedtime, I had to stop and give her a moment.

"Why are you sad?"
"Because uncle Ariffin left me so I'm sad. I want to call my daddy to tell him I am sad."

Ariffin is my youngest brother who had gone to the zoo with her yesterday. I guess she must have enjoyed his company a lot.

What does a mother say about these things? There are no manuals for me to refer to.

So I offered, "Darling, its OK to be sad sometimes. The important thing is to be brave when you are sad. And tomorrow we will get to see him again."

*********

We visited a family in bereavement yesterday, and I tried to brief her on the way just to explain what she may be seeing.

"We are going to visit somebody who has just passed away," I told her.
"Did she passed away like your Mummy?" she asked.
"Yes and this lady was her friend."

How young or how old do you explain these things to a child?

It took me a long while to explain to her what passing away means.

*******

My child, I understand that you are trying to figure out the small jigsaw pieces that we call life. I am glad that you are sharing your curiosity with me. All I pray for is the strength and wisdom such that I can be a good companion on this journey with you.

What my friends taught me...

2008-12-24T18:12:00.002+03:00

That we all have our own struggles in our lives. The difference is what we make of it. Do we try to overcome it with a positive light or do we get all depressed and upset with the world? The choice is ours.

Thanks for sharing. I'll remember that as my life lesson.

My friends inspire me and have hearts of gold

2008-12-23T03:26:00.003+03:00

They reminded me how wonderful it is again to laugh like teenagers again. Both remembering old times when we were students chatting in front of our computers or even of stories of life present. They remind me what being mature is all about yet the importance of feeling young again.

They show me what acceptance is all about in friendship. We accept each other for whom we are, try to overlook flaws and live with it.

And the generosity of their spirit humbles me.

I am lucky that they kept me around all these years.

Thanks so much you guys! I really had a wonderful time despite having a *cold*, not having a *plan*, seeing a wonderful *perform*ance. What other words did I miss out?

I also appreciate my friends who opened their doors to me, drove a long way to meet up and bringing/cooking such wonderful and delicious fare.

I just can't say more except thank you, thank you and thank you. Thank you for your generosity towards me, I really do appreciate it.

I'm suppose to be packing but I am procrastinating

2008-12-13T09:18:00.005+03:00

I leave tomorrow night. I have two opened suitcases, half empty, half full. One is half empty because I haven't finished unpacking from my latest Bahrain trip. The other is half full, because I have filled them with some gifts, bric-a-bracs I have gathered as gifts to bring home.

Its so easy for me to get sidetracked somehow. While trying to pack underwear for the trip, I decided to clear out the drawer of old underwear I haven't used for a long time or those that are ready to retire. Can't explain this further except I had a great satisfaction in pulling out those old things and throwing them out. Gave me a sense of freedom. Afterall I've just been buying new ones and not throwing out the old ones making it very hard to open and close that drawer. My excuse was lack of time.

Instead of going back to packing, I inspired my DH to clear our his closet too, of clothes that no longer fit or should no longer be worn. We did quite well I have to say.

I have decided that I will throw out my old clothes that don't make me look good or don't look good on me. The past three years I didn't have time to look after myself or how I look. I wore clothes that was comfortable rather than flattering. Somedays I didn't even have time to comb my hair let alone look at myself in the mirror.

And shopping here doesn't help either. Without a changing room to try the clothes I sometimes end up keeping some clothes that fit but don't look too great on me because I couldn't be bothered to return to the Mall the nth time to change the clothes.

So my job offer came to me at the most opportune moment. Just as I decided I am ready to be a person again and not just a mother and a wife, the offer came. Work somehow gave me the a reason to revisit my old life in terms of wearing my old office clothes again. Clothes haven't been worn much since I got here. Clothes that represented my old life, life before motherhood. [And not just the clothes, I get to use my brain again, as well as my old skills, some have been rusty.]

Anyways I am digressing. I'm thinking about clothes because I am not sure what to pack. I realize that I have different clothes for different occasion and different places. Some clothes that I am most comfortable with in London would not be suitable in KL. Some clothes I wear here wouldn't do back home. Afterall I have been going to the Mall with my pajamas under my abaya! My clothes needn't be matching since no one else was going to see them right?

I found some clothes I bought on trips back home and never used it since I got back here. I think I will be packing those and if I don't wear them this trip either, perhaps its a good reason to get rid of them!

Somehow it just occur to me that perhaps I am a chameleon. I have a different clothes (appearance/roles) for different people and different location? Am I inconsistent or do I just try to fit in with the location/situation?

So much so for a short entry before packing! Thats food for thought on a different day coz I'd better go back to packing. Whatever it is I am grateful that I have the opportunity to try out different things, live and travel at different places. Thank you God, thank you for all the opportunities that you have presented me with! There should be no room in my life for complains but rather lots to be grateful about!

Joys of motherhood

2008-12-10T16:26:00.007+03:00

Being a first time mum, away from my immediate family members and without the direction of my mum to consult, my road to motherhood has been partially trial and error and partially research from books and the Internet. I have Google to be thankful for, without it there would have been many more trips to the Doctors or the Emergency Room.

For instance the first time The Little One had nosebleed. Not knowing it was merely nosebleed, I panicked when I woke up with blood on the pillow cases and duvet cover. Woke up my DH who also panicked and agreed to drive us to the Emergency Room.

When we arrived, the male nurse asked, "Did your child fall?"
"No."
"Any fever?"
"No."
"Did she hit her head somewhere?"
"No."
"Can I see her fingers?"
"Sure." (Wandering if some diseases could be diagnosed by looking at finger.)
"Its just nosebleed as she digs her nose."
"Oh! Thank you!" we cried, so relieved that it was not some sort of terminal disease

Experience has made us wiser after that. I stocked myself up with some books that I can refer to and to educate me on what could ail my child. I also developed an interest on homeopathy which sometimes prove to be very useful.

However preschool and weaning has increased my child's susceptibility to being sick. Just about a month ago all 3 of us became sick. It started with The Little One who had a ear infection, then my DH who had cough and fever that developed into Asthma. And I developed acute bronchitis. It wasn't fun the 3 of us on the bed sick and woozy but we all got better and got on with our lives.

So I thought it is all over for this season but just 3 days ago, appropriately on the morning of Eid, The Little One has fever again. This time as high as 40.4 oC. The now somewhat experienced mom does not panic as much and decided to use the suppository, left over from the last time, to bring the fever down. But it does become worrying when the fever does not subside after 3 days. Unfortunately most of the clinics are closed due to the Eid holidays so we brought them to the Emergency Room again.

This time its tonsillitis and just like the precious time, my DH seems to be affected as well. Here I am, wife and mother having to look after my babies. Appropriately timed as well as I am unprepared for my trip home in 3 days.

If anything I like to look on the positive side of things. Perhaps them being sick will make good excuse to my friends and relatives back home whom I have not had time to shop gifts for. It also gives me some time to reflect and be grateful for little things in life such as friendship for instance.

I am grateful for the friends I who has become our family. Through them I get the friendship and support I need, who reassured me and gave me pointers and shared their experiences with me. And they continue to do so without expecting anything in return and providing me with understanding and patience. Sometimes I seemed to abandon them, as I was too busy or too absorbed in my own trials and tribulations. Life just sometimes take over and time seemed to fly by and suddenly I realized that I neglected my friends.

Instead of abandoning me, they welcome me back with welcome arms, with warmth and love, whenever I do come back to them. Making me so welcomed, telling me in all sorts of ways that my company was missed. Some even offered me all sort of tips and help when they heard about my situation. And I fell so loved and so grateful that I've been blessed with wonderful friends like these around me.

Dear God, I am grateful that I have been given the opportunity to be a mother and a wife. And I am even more grateful for the wonderful friends you blessed me with. They have kept me sane, gave me all sorts of invaluable advice, not just those near me, but those who are geographically far from me but near to my heart.

My friends, you know who you are and I thank you for sharing with me your wisdom, love and friendship.

For my Little One, I hope you'll get well soon and know that you will be a much stronger person, both physically and mentally after this. Just remember to wash your hands more often and stay away from people who sneeze and cough!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I'm off to sp0re and Malays/a for 2 weeks. It will be hectic, 6 days with my in laws in KL and 5 days in Sp0re. It will be my first trip, just me and The Little One and I hope God will give me strength to survive the trip.

To my friends in KL, my driver is unable to come this trip so I will be at the mercy of my in laws when it comes to transport. If you guys can come by BB Bangi, I look forward to meeting up with you. I'm in town 16 - 22 Dec, except I may be busy on the 21 due to a cousin's wedding.

To my friends in sp0re, lets try to meet up one morning/evening together with everybody? My itinerary includes trips to Nigh safari, Zoo, Orchard Road, maybe Sentosa, Gyboree and some family obligations. Please also understand that my schedule would also be determined by the health and cooperation of my 3 year old. I'm in town 23 - 27 Dec.

I look forward to meeting up you guys! Wish me luck!

Unfortunately I do not have a local number yet, I plan to buy a new sim card when I arrive. You can text me your number to +966 lima kosong 816 three four 52 by Sunday.

Glued to the news

2008-11-29T18:17:00.002+03:00

I first heard about the Mumbai siege from friends over a casual conversation, not realizing the extent of the carnage. But the story truly unfolded when I saw the news on BBC and CNN.

Mumbai, was a city i visited 10 years ago. The city was special to me as it was a city that opened my eyes, to both how the opulent and the impoverish exist side by side. I still remember up to this day, the family that was cooking their dinner on the sidewalk as I walked to MacDonalds. (MacDonald's being the fast food restaurant for the well heeled in Mumbai at that time.) I passed the family again after finishing my dinner to find the same family sleeping right there, by the same sidewalk.

The Taj Mahal Hotel and The Oberoi Hotel both represented the nicest places to stay in the city. I did some shopping at The Oberoi and walked around the TMH.

Just as 9/11 happed at the World Trade center, the bombing in London, the latest siege in Mumbai happened at a place I once visited. And it left me with a lump in my throat. At the back of my mind I thought that I could easily have been there when the worst happened but thank god I'm not!

I guess these places that are targeted are iconic in the city they are in, which was why I visited them in the first place.

For now I look forward to some answers. Who did this and why?

In the meantime, I do worry sometimes. What if something happens and I am stuck at work and my DH is stuck in his office. Who will look after my child? Who will protect her and look out for her.

My dear child, some days I feel that the world is much too dangerous for you, and all I want to do is to keep you near and safe. At the same time I don't want to smother you and I want you to see and appreciate the world for its beauty and its wonderful differences.

Of course my answer to all this is travel. If only everyone gets the opportunity to travel with an open mind, to see that no matter how different we think we are, we have so many more similarities. Violence and hurt, even if it was inflicted on others, will not just cause harm on the intended but will harm everyone else as well in the long run.

The key is to recognize that the human spirit is resilient and we should not allow incidence like this trap us in our own little pigeon holes.

After the rain

2008-11-09T16:26:00.020+03:00

Another trip to the "Edge of the World

I'm sure there is a proper name for this place but the expats call it The Edge of the world.

Its a bit short notice but the men decided that it would be interesting to see the desert after the rain. The problem with making last minute plans is that some of us would be more prepared than others.

M@rk could not find a 4x4 to rent and asked if he could tag along. We knew that the trip could be done with a 2x4, so we told him why not. He'd just have to be really brave.

The weather forecast predicted rain but we thought to push ahead anyways and turn back should the weather turn.

Of course we did not realise that the sand would be soft after the rain and the terrain would be rather muddy. Literally 3 minutes off road, M@rk's car got stuck in some soft sand.

First the men tried pushing, but the rear wheel just sank in.

Then they deflated the tyres and tried to put the sand ladders under the tyres. But that didn't work either.

Then they had to shovel some of the muddy wet sand off the tires. Thank God we brought one shovel. We used to have 3 but we returned the other one to its rightful owner (well we didn't need to use them the 10 times we borrowed it!) and the other owner didn't think he needed to bring his shovel. As a result, one man shoveled while the rest watched.

Luckily he had a cute butt ;)

So they had to regroup and plan the next course of action. My DH's crash course in desert driving with R/yadh Rovers is proving to be rather useful! More still, all the desert driving equipment he purchased from the colleague who was leaving (which had been taking up a lot of space in my store room!) OK I shan't complain anymore!

So they had to use the last option (or second last if this option didn't work.) To tow the car out. They hung the carpet in the middle to weigh the tow rope down in case it snapped.

Luckily it worked and M@rk's car got unstuck!

We scout the route for a little bit more and decided to ask M@rk to ditch his car. The track was just too soft and muddy and he had little or no traction on most parts of the route. M@rk parked his car under 2 trees before the river bed (we think that that part of the desert used to be a river bed as there are more trees there and the track is extra soft.) We marked the location on the GPS to make sure that we can find it later. (I'm sure 2 trees look alike in the desert!) And off we went.

The terrain looked considerably different. There was a lot more green and it loked that new trees have sprouted just overnight after the rain. And there were some areas that looked like a stream, with water on them, a rare sight in the desert that is normally parched and all dried up.

We reached the viewpoint at about 11 am. (We started off at 6 am.) By this time both children and adults alike were hungry!

It has always been windy every time were there. I remember my first trip here and did not bring warm clothes or proper shoes. But I am more prepared for this trip.

But the weather was glorious! Despite the cold wind, the sun was shining and we had blues skies for a while.

But the view from up there was just amazing. I was a tad worried that the little one would venture too near to the edge so I kept a watchful eye on her of course. I reminded her that the wind blew her hat off her head and then off the cliff the previous time we came.

For someone who lived on the 13th floor when she was growing up, I'm one of those people who have no problems climbing to great heights but for some reason unknown to me, I have difficulty coming down! So I decided not to climb up, but to watch the other kids in wonder as they climbed up and down the cliff.

In the meantime, Little Amir took The Little One under his wing while some mum and dads had their own entertainment:

Meanwhile, some of us tried to find some privacy.

As you can see, there are no bushes to hide behind or a tree to do it under.

So when everyone has had enough of the view and knocked off enough golf balls down the cliff, we looked for a suitable spot to have our brunch. It was cold and everyone was rather hungry after the pushing, shoveling, climbing and golfing.

We enjoyed the nasi lemak, mee goreng, baked chicken, donuts, potato salad, sandwiches and all sorts of desserts we brought with us.

But the dark clouds began to roll in and we decided to call it a day. Normally we would have ventured to the other 2 viewpoints but we didn't do so this trip round in case it started to rain.

We drove back to M@rk's car to find it safe and sound. But M@rk's new challenge was to drive his car back to the tarmac.

We scouted round for some hard ground but made a judgement error. Some parts were rather soft so we told him to be brave and drive fast. We reminded him that even if he thinks he has no traction, instead of slowing down and braking, he should just continue moving.

And he managed to do so! We all cheered for him although when he rolled his windows down we could see that his face was as white as sheet.

Just as we were leaving Sadous we saw lots of cars driving into the desert as the locals were just about ready to have their picnic.

Overall it was a good day out and we all had a good time.

And it rained after we unpacked the car. I was so grateful that the weather cooperated.

PS Joy, do you guys miss R/yadh yet? ;)

Incidentally, as I was browsing through our old pictures, I discovered the one above, taken on 07 Nov 2006, almost 2 years to the date of our most recent visit.

How quickly the time flies and see how much The Little One has grown!

Trip to the Edge of the World

Do I sound testy?

2008-10-27T15:42:00.003+03:00

I have been trying very hard to keep it inside, but somehow some testiness is spilling out. And I don't like it. Perhaps its my PMS or just that its all bottled in that some spilled out.

And I don't like myself when I am testy this way. But I know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Its very hard to establish boundaries and I don't want to seem inflexible or territorial. At the same time, the undercurrent power struggles and the imaginary battles just becomes apparent to me and I am fighting very hard not to take sides. Because I don't want to take sides. Its not my problem. Its not my business. And some people are very good at spinning beautiful tales embellished with beautiful yarn. And somehow my instinct tell me that I should know better than to accept lock, stock and barrel.

At the same time, I am not a confrontational person. I don't like telling people off, nor do I want to point out reality to a delusional person. But somehow this restrain is just making me so testy!

Its just so subtle how the fangs come out, with the cutest little voice and the sweetest smile. Add in a tear drop or two at the corner of the eye. I understand she feels unappreciated and wronged. But hey, that was your battle not mine. And those were your choices and I had nothing to do with it. Thanks for the heads up but no thank you for the implied.

What just bugs me is that receiving all that saccharine venom is affecting me when I don't want to be affected. And I am afraid of passing it on. I may even have actually.

I will learn to fight the battles that I want to fight and not to take up battles that are not mine. Even if the war cry is egging me on. The truth has been seen already and I didn't even say a thing. (Thank God!)

I just want to say my peace and release it out to the Universe and not keep it inside of me.

Because I am better than that.
I am not her.
I will not be her.
And I will not repeat whatever it is she says, no matter how compelling it is for me!
Because I have learnt my lesson through what she has shared with me and will not repeat them myself.

Argghhhhhh please God give me strength! I believe in paying forward with kindness and happiness!

I don't want anger, malice and bitterness! Especially those that were given to me as unwanted presents! Begone you bottled up feelings!

*sigh* I am human after all.

She wants a birthday party

2008-10-27T00:57:00.003+03:00

I had given her her first birthday party when she was one.

And then I decided, nope, not any more. I'm not veyr good at it.

So last year we skipped the birthday party and got her a play house instead.

But it looks like I can't avoid it this year. 3 more months to go and she is already planning her own birthday party. She decided that she will have a princess cake (where did she get that idea?), party hats and lots of balloons. She even has decided who she wants to invite to the party!

In fact she has even invited some people to the party.

She knows her birthday is in December and has asked me "How do we get to December?"

She even practiced singing happy birthday to herself and had imaginary friends come to her birthday party. Just the other day she told me, "Umi, we are having a party and we're waiting for you."

I guess I am lucky that I am invited.

So here I am trying to put a birthdya party together. Found out the date I wanted was not possible for the Kindermusik practitioner. So had to move it forward. The venue I wanted was booked already so I have to book a different venue. Got to get quotes for the food because I don't think I can do it all on my own.

I was such a novice on her 1st birthday party that I did not give out party favours, so I am making sure that I will not be making the same mistake. Of course I have to strike a balance between making things myself (cost effective) vs buying everything (easier due to time constrain).

And striking a balance between what children like (candies and sweets) and what I would prefer to serve them (fruits and healthy snacks.)

My challenge as a parent is to grant her wishes but at the same time making sure that she grows to be a sensible and happy child.

My darling Little One, I hope you'll have the birthday party that you want! May your good wishes always be granted my child.

Just because its not a designer handbag

2008-10-20T19:22:00.002+03:00

Allright I have to confess. I love my bags and shoes. I know the discussion about carrying a designer handbag is a little cliche but I had to experience the difference myself when I went to a Carref0ur just now.

The guard approached me and asked to look inside my handbag. A first since a long time really. I was carrying my bright red canvas crumpler handbag when the security guard approached us and requested to inspect my handbag.

I normally prefer to sport a nice leather variety (reasons which came to me with this incident) but since I started work, my handbag gets a different treatment. I normally just placed it on the floor of the school bus and packed it will all sorts like lunchbox and/or library books. So I thought I would carry my sturdy headaitch crumpler instead.

After he took a peek, he told me that I must deposit my bag at the customer service counter. (Did I look like I might steal something to put in my bag!) Tsk tsk tsk!

But anyways, almost automatically I said with a loud "La! La! La! I have my wallet, mobile phone and money in my bag! Call your manager!" and using my pointer finger signing no as I would to a child.

I guess because I was so firm and so loud that he decided to let us into the hypermarket without me having to deposit my handbag at the customer service bag deposit counter.

I can tell you that I have sported bags of equivalent size to my crumpler bag before but was not stopped by the security. The difference is that my other bags are more "stylish" or perhaps they didn't imply that I may steal a box of biscuits and hide them in my bag?

At the end of the day, I guess looks still counts. People use their sight as their first line of judgment and wearing or carrying certain things seem to potray a certain image to the person looking and judging at you.

And my husband was impress how quickly the Ar@bic seemed to come out when I was protesting and I have been here too long as I don't think I would have previously spoken to another person with my pointing finger out blazing like a weapon as I would have considered it too rude to do so.

I guess I was just exasperated! The thought of digging out my wallet, mobile phone, passports and carrying them in my hand was just too much for me to bear that my fierce protestation just came out instinctively.

Ironically, I was at the same supermarket 2 hours earlier doing my grocery shopping and nobody stopped me then!

Lesson for the day, try not to carry my crumpler bag when doing my grocery shopping.

Honey, maybe I need a new designer bag so the security guard won't ask me to leave my bag at the customer service counter?

;)

Where did all the time go?

2008-10-18T20:34:00.004+03:00

I am grateful that time passes by in a flash these days. It seems that I don't have enough hours in the day to do the things I want to do.

But it seems that I am able to achieve more than when I was staying at home. That, or as my friend KH suggested, I have adapted and managed my time better.

What bothers me a little these days is the changing weather. Woke up with heaviness in my chest this morning. So I tried to slow down so I don't get breatheless. When we stepped out of the house I saw some sort of a dusty fog, not quite a sandstorm, not quite a fog.

And I seem to start sneezing again. I thought I got rid of the cold. Now my Little One has cough and running nose too! Not something a working mummy want (or any mom for that matter.) But now that I am working, I cringe at the idea to have to call in sick and let alone to call in sick on the accord of my Little One being sick. SO I am bumping up my vitamin consumption. I know different studies have stated different things. Some even suggest that its useless to pop those pills. But I am trying my best to boost my immunity so I'll try any thing.

And I do struggle on somedays to keep myself centered. Its easy to get oneself distracted by the passing time and things that people say. But I am adamant to stay positive. Perhaps taking Phillipa's course is paying off.

I seriously believe that negative thinking does nothing but to bring a person down and attracts more negativity in one's life.

I had a conversation with someone who reminded me of the importance for me to keep my positive enthusiasm. I feel for her but at the same time I always believe that the only person we can control is ourselves and we're the only who can make things better for ourselves, no matter what the situation will be. Nothing comes out from slandering other people no matter how bitter you are. Just makes the listener uncomfortable and lose respect for you.

But anyways, that's my lesson for the weekend. I always believe that people are sent in my life for me to learn my lesson so I don't have to repeat them myself.

I know I will have a great week! For those of you waiting for a further update of my Turkey trip, I apologize for not updating, I promise to do so as soon as I have the time :)

PS Thank you Joy for the 12 rules to live by, I so agree with them!

Falling in love with Turkey: Part II

2008-10-07T15:53:00.010+03:00

Pamucak Beach, Selchuk

Upon checking in at Rebetika Hotel we decided that since we have the car, we would head straight to the beach. The hotel was pleasant, the room acceptable and the owner, warm and friendly. The view from the roof, as you can see from their website, is spectacular.

Frankly, just between you and me, all I want to do is climb in bed and sleep. After all I have been awake since 7 am the previous day!! But it will be a waste to arrive all the way in Selcuk and immediately spend time sleeping! So I pulled myself up and prepared us for our adventure to Pamucak Beach.

Pamucak Beach which is near Ephesus is 7 km west of Selcuk.

Did we have a map of the area? Nope.

So how did we get to the beach? Ibrahim, the brother of the owner Suleiman gave us the direction like this. "You see this road here? You go straight until you read the main road and you turn right, then you go straight on the highway until the end when the road finishes and you will see the beach."

I have to say that I am always impressed (even now after 10 years of being married to him) that my DH has an impeccable sense of direction and has good instincts in finding his way round places. True to Ibrahim's direction we found the Pamucak beach.

There was much not at the beach, 2 snack bars and some deck chairs for hire. We decided to drive in a little bit away from the main road. The beach was empty (it was afterall Thursday afternoon) except for 2 men and a woman fishing.

The breeze from the Aegean sea was just so refreshing after our dry sand locked, 55 oC summer in R/yadh. The Little One wasted no time, playing with the squishy sand. Admittedly, the sand is not as white or beautiful as the sand is in Trengganu but we just found our tiredness melting away as the wind blew gently at us and the waves rolling gently.

Father and daughter bonded together trying to make a sandcastle with their bare hands. I just sat there and watched them play not wanting to get my jeans wet, but enjoying every nano second of it.

We then decided to walk along the shore of the beach and passed along the people fishing. As we walked past the lady who was fishing, we took a peek at the tub of fish she caught.

"One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish..." comes to mind.

The kind indulgent lady gestured to The Little One to put her hand in the tub. I half expected The Little One to say, "No thank you." But she surprised me and went right ahead without hesitating.

SO the Little One took one wriggling fish out of the tub. She was so brave and not at all squeamish! After much persuasion we asked The Little One to put the fish back. Our lack of Turkish, and our kind lady's lack of English limited our conversation. I wanted to ask her if she would eat the fishes she caught for dinner.

She then gestured to her phone, asking for permission to take our Little One's picture using her sleek and shiny Motorola mobile phone. I smiled to show that it was OK and encouraged the Little One to smile.

Then I asked The Little One if she wanted to give the kind lady a kiss goodbye as a thank you. Instead, she went towards the lady and offered her cheek instead. And the lady gave her a huge big kiss.

If I didn't know any better that kiss was no different as the one which The Little's One grandma would give her. I was just so touched by her warmth.

We left the beach happy with warmth in our hearts.

Until we went the beach again the following day that is ....

to be continued

Falling in love with Turkey : Part I :

2008-10-05T20:19:00.010+03:00

From Izmir to Selcuk

Turkey was one of the locations I pulled out of random on my wish list.

We simply asked the travel agent to give us ticket availability and cost for Amman, Istanbul, Rome and Marrakesh. From the quotes and travel dates Istanbul was the most attractive. Rome was the cheapest but we both have been there already, and Istanbul was the best compromise it seems, a midpoint from the Middle East and Europe.

With my new job and the exhaustion of Ramadhan I hardly did any research for this trip. Normally I would be the designated travel planner, pinpointing the points of interests, places I would like to go, things I would have wanted to see, try or buy. So my DH took full reign this time.

Just one day before flying off, I discovered that the weather would be colder. A kind friend sent some guide books through her driver. And I frantically tried to pack 7 days worth of clothes for the 3 of us.

We were so excited we could not sleep the night before, which was a mistake really because our flight was at 2:30 am in the morning. We arrived in Istanbul at 6:30 am and had a connecting flight to Izmir at 9:00 am, arriving at 10:05 am. After clearing customs, we waited patiently for our pick up for our ride to Selcuk, an 80 km drive.

We were greeted with a warm and friendly smile by our driver Billie. He duly apologized for waiting at the domestic hall. Even though we did embark the plane at Istanbul, we did not go through customs there and had to go through customs at Izmir.

Billie was friendly and an amicable guide. He explained to us the sights as we drove past them. He even offered to rent his car to us at YTL 60 per day. I was just exhausted and clueless. Was it a good rate? What do we plan to do anyways? I know we're going to Ephesus and we thought we were just going to take day trips tours.

Trust on my decisive DH to say Hey why not. The rate is not bad and the car would be very useful has Billie pointed out. Traveling with a 2 and a half year old has its own challenges, especially one who has been driven round with in a gas guzzling SUV.

The weather that greeted us was just glorious clear blue sky and beautiful serene landscape. Even The Little one remarked, "Blue skies make me happy Umi." Yes my child, clear blue sky makes me happy too. We have just stepped foot in the country and the charm and the serenity of the countryside has made us feel most welcomed.

As we approached the Selchuk city limits, Bille began pointing out the different sights to us. First was the Ayasuluk castle fort on top of the hill. Not open to the public as it is still being used. A straddle between Selcuk past and present.

I was getting more and more curios and excited. The views were stunning and the fresh air, just amazing. The fact that Billie's car didn't have any airconditioner didn't bother me at all.

Of course, when driving is an option, the cost of petrol does become a concern. We were amazed that petrol costs YTL3.25 a litre. Thats close to 10 r/yals, a luxury indeed since we are accustomed to paying merely 60 halala.

When Bille asked us what we planned to do on this trip, we mentioned the beach, Ephesus, Mary's house. He suggested that the best way to the beach would be by use of a rented car. But he didn't pressure us or anything. He said we can discuss and think about it and he also needed to confirm with Suleiman, the owner of the Rebetika Hotel, his good friend, who had sent him to pick us up, was ok with the idea of us renting his car.

In the meantime I was enjoying the scenery as we drove by. Tractors are not only used in the olive fields of Selcuk but is also used as a mode of transportation of the local folk. I am just so amazed to see the people, mainly from the older generation, sitting by the side of the road, some in coffee shops, others under the olive tree, just watching the world past by them. This aspect of Selcuk reminded me of the kampung life in Malaysia, something I haven't seen very often lately.

to be continued ...

Cooking in Istanbul

2008-10-04T08:46:00.009+03:00

Location: Cooking Alaturka
Akbiyik Caddesi 72a, Sultanahmet, ISTANBUL

My dear husband, who knows me all too well, signed me up to a Turkish cooking class while we were in Istanbul. I had a thoroughly good time with Eveline, Chef Feyzi, Tom, Charlotte and Linda.

The 4 course menu consist of the following:

Yayla Corbasi
"Meadow Soup" or "Hot yogurt soup with dried mint"

Sorry the soup looked so appetizing that I ate it up without taking a picture! It was absolutely a different flavour for me because I am not accustomed to having yogurt in soups, yet absolutely delicious. It does stimulate different parts of my palate.

Ingredients
1/2 cup rice
8 cups stock
1/2 cup milk
1 cup thick yogurt
juice of 1/2 lemon
1 1/2 tbsp flour
2 egg yolks
1 cup water
1/2 tsp black pepper
1/2 tsp cumin
1 tsp salt
1 1/2 tbsp butter
1 tsp red pepper flakes

Wash and drain the rice, then boil until tender in the stock. Add milk.

Beat the yogurt, flour, lemon juice and egg yolks with the water in a bowl. Add salt, black pepper and cumin, mix well.

Add a little of the dried mint and red pepper flakes to the stock.

Melt the butter in a separate pot and add the rest of the dried mint and red pepper flakes. Add the butter to the stock when goldren brown coloured.

Pour a little of the hot stock into this liaison mixture and then pour back into the main pan. Stirring continuously, bring to boil over alow heat and continute cooking for another 5 minutes.

Zeytinyagli taze fasulye
Green beans in olive oil

Kabak meuveri
Zucchini patties with herbs and cheese

I am not really a beans person but the vegetables are so delicious! My daughter loves the Zucchini patties which is fairly healthy too.

Hunkar begendili kuzu
Lamb stew in tomato sauce in smoky eggplant puree

Now this is absolutely delicious! The lamb stew may look spicy but the heat does not assault you as they would in Malay cooking, but its more gentle and subtle. And I love eggplants! Just making this dish makes me appreciate the effort it takes to grills and skin the eggplants after! And I love the taste of the sweet chilli that goes with the dish.

Incir tatlisi
Walnut stuffed figs in syrup

And now I know what I can do with dried figs! Especially those which are way too dry to eat my themselves. The figs became juicy and sweet without it being too sweet.

I had a wonderful morning cooking with Eveline, Feyzi, Tom, Charlotte and Linda. As usual the conversation gets pretty interesting. Charlotte is a dancer who decided to travel while she is in between jobs. Through her I then realize that the Hamam was co-ed, not just for men.

Tom is a Doctor from Australia on holiday. We met him in the tram at a later time and he told us about his wonderful trip to the Asian side, (something we didn't plan on doing) and we went with his recommendation and had a good time.

Linda, told us a trip she took with Dr Spencer Wells on The Genographic project. That got us really interested to know about our genetic journey.

Eveline, a Dutch, who has been in Turkey for 11 years used to run a hotel until the landlord decided to sell the building off. She decided to run the restaurant and cooking class full time until she decides what else to do next. She came in the country and fell in love with the place and the culture and decided to find a way to stay, which she did.

For me, it was just amazing how in one morning, I not only learned more about Turkish cooking and cuisine but also met 5 more people who taught me about new things which I would have not known before.

I am back and down with flu

2008-10-03T03:58:00.002+03:00

I have to say that Turkey has surpassed any sort of ideas I have about the country. I am still reeling from the experience and it seems 7 days is way too short for a country full of history, life and art.

In the meantime, I have laundry to do and pictures to sift through and hopefully some time to put my thoughts into coherent sentences to become entries.

I am tired and overjoyed and I'd have to report back to work in a day's time.

She's a preschooler

2008-09-24T11:17:00.004+03:00

Perhaps the people around me are just being kind to me. But I believe that if people say it often enough, it will be a prayer and it will come true anyways, so I don't mind.

I have been told by quite a few people that my Little One is the smartest two and half year old they have come across with. She is articulate, she knows exactly what she likes and what she wants and is very observant. She has very good memory and I have learnt my lesson never to tell lies to her and not make any promises unless I fully intent to deliver them.

Of course being her mother, I am naturally biased. I have seen how quickly she takes on to things, how much she loves to be read to and how quickly she learns (especially the stuff I don't want her to pick up. ;))

My challenge as a mother (and I'm sure for other parents too) is to channel her enthusiasm in the direction that could develop her further to maximize her full potential.

And its not even necessarily in term of academic achievement, but rather through socialization and providing her with enriching life experiences that would further widen her mind and her horizon.

Hence I am overjoyed that she is enjoying her new school very much. Just after a mere 2 weeks I see a new sense of independence in her. She declares that "I am a big girl," and does insist on doing a lot of things herself.

Just this morning I had the opportunity to send her to school. We woke her up and asked her if she would like to go to school today and she answered "Yes" with a smile. We asked her if she wanted to use a pull up diaper or just panties and she chose panties, a major step up considering she was still wearing diapers when she started school!

She loves to choose so DH asked her if she wanted a white top or a red top, and if she wants to pair them with trousers or skirt. She quickly made her decision with a smile.

Very reassuring for mum who hasn't been able to send The Little One to school herself.

We got in the van that ferries the children to school and she was happy to sit beside her friend. She started telling me about the basketball hoop that is broken. Smiles all round.

Upon arrival she showed me the way to the front door and promptly reached for the door handle to her clssroom and proceeded to open it herself. Her teacher greeted her with a smile, The Little One hung her hat at the rack, put her water bottle in the designated box and proceeded directly to the table where some colouring sheets have been laid out ready for the children to attempt should that be what they want to do.

I only had time to tell her "Enjoy yourself," and she didn't even look back at me.

I must say that this is an amazing transformation for her. From a child who hung on to me, my jeans and my top refusing to let go, who cried asking for mummy, she has demonstrated to me that she wants to be in the environment, she likes being in the school and looks forward to being there everyday.

And I don't blame her. She is surrounded with a plethora of materials that would interest a child. Just yesterday, she showed me how adept her fingers are at treading some wooden beads through a shoe lace, a new development in her fine motor skills.

And outside there are many different things for a child to further develop their gross motor skills, some tricycles, sand, playhouses, slide, the list seems endless.

All in all, mummy is happy when Little One is happy and Little One is enjoying herself very much so by the looks of things. She even came home with a new song she learned from school and I'm impressed because I thought I knew them all ;)

My dear daughter, I really do hope you enjoy yourself whatever it is in life that you are doing. There is nothing more that I want than for you to be happy.

May Allah always grant your wishes my child!

2008-09-16T17:42:00.003+03:00

"Abah, when will you give me a car present?" said The Little One, sounding hopeful.

"Well it may be a bit expensive to buy you a car," replied DH.

Half an hour later, we went off to our favorite stationary shop. I needed to pick up a few things and wanted to hurry home before the crowd come in.

The Little One wanted to have a long good look at the stickers and I tried to tell her that I bought some already.

The owner of the shop saw her, grunted and gestured for her to follow him and then presented her with a box of 5 matchbox size cars and a couple of cute items.

Little One said "Syukran" and smiled all the way to the car.

Did she know that she was about to get the "car present"? Or did Allah grant my Little One's wishes?

She slept clasping one of the cars last night.

My darling daughter, may Allah always grant you your wishes! Always remember to ask for good things and be grateful for what He bestows us.

Murah betul rezeki mu anakku. Semoga rezekimu sentiasa melimpah ruah sepanjang hayat mu hingga ke anak cucu.

Piecing the picture

2008-09-11T08:55:00.003+03:00

The day that we mothers have been waiting for finally arrived! The opening of the Montessori preschool which 11 of our children are going to!

Perhaps, I've been too tired myself with work and Ramadhan that I seemed to have taken the laid back attitude of "Lets wait and see." My only fear was that they may not have The Little One's name on the list despite the deposit we paid way back before the summer. Originally there were only 8 children from our compound signed up for the school but 3 more wanted to sign up, so places are really sought after.

In preparation for the school, the mothers had 2 meetings discussing about transportation, cost timings and responsibilities.

I was a little bit sad that I won't be there to send her to school on her first day. I have to confess that I carried a little lump in my heart as I go about with my work that day. But on the other hand I know she will be in good hands. My Dh will send her off in the morning. My good friend Ev@ is working in the school so she could keep half an eye. My neighbors would ensure that she comes home safely.

One mom told me that she could not sleep the night before because she was so excited that her child was going to that school the following day!

Me? I am just thrilled that she will be in a place where she can be socialized, nurtured and stimulated in an enriching environment.

I had a conversation with a colleague, R, about the subject just yesterday. Her son has just been moved up into grade one as he was far too advanced for KG2. She credits their investment, paying a bomb for their son's kindergarten in the States, paying off. R pointed out that technically, the money not spent on kindergarten could be saved for her son's college fund. But at the same time, children, like houses, need good foundation.

Of course they can grow despite not going to school in the early years but good Early Years experience would ease their transition into school later. Especially the socialization part. Even in the States she said, some mothers feel that if a good portion of their salary goes towards daycare, then perhaps it may be better for the mother to stay at home and look after the child.

I have since concluded, no matter where we live, good things (including education) are always rather dear. Should or not a child go to school at that age would be up to her/his parents' choice and discretion.

In my case, I feel that there are benefits to my child learning some independence. She is very attached to me (thanks to Attachment parenting), but at the same time I want her to know that she can function well and enjoy herself without Mummy by her side 24 hours a day. I want her to be able to make good choices and good decisions when she is by herself and I am confident that she is well loved by everyone around her. And I don't want her to live in my shadow all the time. Its healthy to see some sun!

I am very pleased to report that just merely after 3 days she is very happy at the school. She tells me that she likes her teacher and had lots of fun. My DH was pleased with the way her teacher has handled her. She seems to know how to distract her and attract her and looks generally happy and motivated to be with the children.

Next step, toilet training.

First weekend in Ramadhan

2008-09-05T10:43:00.005+03:00

The evening was filled with relaxed conversation. The men obviously having a good time themselves because their laughter filled the room, so loud that we ladies could hardly hear ourselves speak. The Little One was out with our hosts' teenager daughter. Its lovely that she offered to babysit.

At that point I could not help but be so grateful. Grateful that I have friends who enjoy my company and whose company I enjoy. Who are willing to share the snippets of their lives with me. Who accept me for who I am and I in turn accept them for who they are.

The food on the counter was just overflowing. Laksa lemak (which I love), bubur lumbuk (which I craved), telur ikan goreng (which I havent had for a while), kolak (which i miss), kuih kosue (which i adore and cannot make myself); just to name a few. Alhamdullilah. ALhamdullilah. Alhamdullilah. How blessed can I be?

I had endevoured to make some of MIL's kuih bakar. But my first batch turn out to be pandan chiffon my mistake. So it turns out 1 cup flour, 1 cup sugar and 1 cup eggs + pandan flavouring yields pandan chiffon cake. In my dehydrated stupor I had decided to make the kuih without peeking at the recipe first, only to my dismay found the texture very different until the help pointed out that I had forgotten the coconut milk.

My DH started laughing really loudly and immediately declared that he will call his mum to tell her of my misadventure.

My daughter however was teased by the smell of fresh cake out of the oven requested for a slice. She took two bites and said, "Umi, the cake is very delicious! Thank you for making it for me."

Awww, this one really can really say things to make my heart melt.

So I had to make another batch, almost wiping out the whole tray of eggs I bought. This time I left the help run the show.

In the meantime I decided to make fried popiah from scratch, kari daging and roti jala. Not a good idea when I brought my DD for a nap at 3 pm and I woke up at 4 pm, realizing I lost an hour napping with her when all the other stuff was not done! Thank god for hired helps! So we had a devision of labour. I did the mixing and she did the jala-ing of the roti jala. In the meantime I started with the curry and started rolling the spring rolls and immediately try to fry them.

Of course as we got in the car to leave, I heard the azan call and I rushed back inside again to pick up some cake and dates so we could break our fast and push on.

And we were welcomed with friendly smiles and delicious food.

Conversation after dinner focused on what our holiday plans were. Some will go back to Singapore. Others will stay in Riyadh in anticipation of their ski trip to Chamonix.

I know that I will miss my friends and my friendships most when the time comes for me to leave this city. But that day will be inevitable. In the meantime I am truly grateful for Allah's and their generosity.

So how has your Ramadhan been? I hope your Ramadhan will be as fruitful and joyous as you want it to be.

Chip on shoulder

2008-09-04T02:03:00.005+03:00

Swahili forwarded an interesting article by NurDiana Suhaimi about "feeling like the least favourite child." ( see below)

Perhaps her sentiment is echoed by quite a few in Singapore. Throughout my life I have met many such Malay Singaporeans who, in my opinion, have a chip on their shoulder.

It would be quite easy to spot them from afar, because they are very often defensive people. They often feel a need to tell others that " I am the first Malay country manager..." or "I am one of the few Malays in the office..." within the first 15 minutes of you meeting them.

At the back of my mind I always ask myself, "Is that how he sees himself? First as part of the collective Malay race before he/she is an individual?"

They often carry such anger inside them. Perhaps stemming from growing up thinking that the whole world is against them because of their race and/or religion. And again this sentiment would appear quite early in conversation and they are often tense and very serious.

Some feel that the whole world is against them and that the world owe them something else in return.

Perhaps I am one of the lucky few who managed to escape from the bug. I can't really say if I never had the chip or that I had lost it as soon as I left the country at age 21.

My mum never told me that I have to work harder because I am Malay. She merely told me that I just have to be the best no matter what. But she is genetically Chinese of course. (Although it does say that I am a Malay on my Identity card as is my cultural practice.) Perhaps that made the difference?

I suppose, if as a child, you are told that you will be discriminated against, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and you will feel that you are discriminated.

When I left Singapore to hangout with the other fellow Malaysians/Singaporeans there was never a sense of separation between the races. We all hung out because we had something in common, we were from the Malay Peninsula. They enjoyed similar food. Our memories of home were very similar too. (Especially in the -15oC Calgary winter.)

We were all united of course, all with the same goal, to finish our studies, whatever it may be, the best we can and move on and up in life.

Thing is prejudice exist everywhere. And it is inevitable, at any given place on earth, a minority group would feel itself shortchanged and prejudiced against by the majority.

For me, the truth is the feeling of being prejudiced against is a state of mind. You can and will only feel that way if you give away your sense of worth by what you think others judge of you. If anything, it shows the ignorance of the prejudiced, of how little they know of you, as a person, and chooses to judge you on the basis of race/color/origin etc.

And to that, I'd say "The loss is yours, not mine."

I see no point in carrying this chip on the shoulder; the anger, the feeling of helplessness, injustice and unhappiness. The fault lies on the person who undertakes to shoulder all those emotions when in fact they have the power in their hands to shake themselves off and seize the world.

We cannot change who we are. Our race, our gender, our color is something we are born with and have to live with. But we can change how we think of ourselves. Where do we put ourselves in the big picture? We should not be defined by what other people think of us, but rather what we think of ourselves.

So my daughter, to you, I say this. Be the best person you can be. Be happy with who you are and the wonderful opportunities given to you. Dream big! Everything and anything is possible for you, as long as you work hard and set your mind on what it is that you want.

Here are your wings. Fly my beautiful child!

***************************************************************************

I now realize that to view the article you'd have to be a subscriber and so here is the article:
he Straits Times, Aug 10, 2008

Feeling like the least favourite child

By Nur Dianah Suhaimi

When I was younger, I always thought of myself as the quintessential Singaporean.

Of my four late grandparents, two were Malay, one was Chinese and one was Indian. This, I concluded, makes me a mix of all the main races in the country. But I later realised that it was not what goes into my blood that matters, but what my identity card says under 'Race'.

Because my paternal grandfather was of Bugis origin, my IC says I'm Malay. I speak the language at home, learnt it in school, eat the food and practise the culture. And because of my being Malay, I've always felt like a lesser Singaporean than those from other racial groups.

I grew up clueless about the concept of national service because my father was never enlisted.

He is Singaporean all right, born and bred here like the rest of the boys born in 1955. He is not handicapped in any way. He did well in school and participated in sports.

Unlike the rest, however, he entered university immediately after his A levels. He often told me that his schoolmates said he was 'lucky' because he was not called up for national service.

'What lucky?' he would tell them. 'Would you feel lucky if your country doesn't trust you?'

So I learnt about the rigours of national service from my male cousins. They would describe in vivid detail their training regimes, the terrible food they were served and the torture inflicted upon them - most of which, I would later realise, were exaggerations.

But one thing these stories had in common was that they all revolved around the Police Academy in Thomson. As I got older, it puzzled me why my Chinese friends constantly referred to NS as 'army'. In my family and among my Malay friends, being enlisted in the army was like hitting the jackpot. The majority served in the police force because, as is known, the Government was not comfortable with Malay Muslims serving in the army. But there are more of them now.

Throughout my life, my father has always told me that as a Malay, I need to work twice as hard to prove my worth. He said people have the misconception that all Malays are inherently lazy.

I was later to get the exact same advice from a Malay minister in office who is a family friend.

When I started work, I realised that the advice rang true, especially because I wear my religion on my head. My professionalism suddenly became an issue. One question I was asked at a job interview was whether I would be willing to enter a nightclub to chase a story. I answered: 'If it's part of the job, why not? And you can rest assured I won't be tempted to have fun.'

When I attend media events, before I can introduce myself, people assume I write for the Malay daily Berita Harian. A male Malay colleague in The Straits Times has the same problem, too.

This makes me wonder if people also assume that all Chinese reporters are from Lianhe Zaobao and Indian reporters from Tamil Murasu.

People also question if I can do stories which require stake-outs in the sleazy lanes of Geylang. They say because of my tudung I will stick out like a sore thumb. So I changed into a baseball cap and a men's sports jacket - all borrowed from my husband - when I covered Geylang.

I do not want to be seen as different from the rest just because I dress differently. I want the same opportunities and the same job challenges.

Beneath the tudung, I, too, have hair and a functioning brain. And if anything, I feel that my tudung has actually helped me secure some difficult interviews.

Newsmakers - of all races - tend to trust me more because I look guai (Hokkien for well-behaved) and thus, they feel, less likely to write critical stuff about them.

Recently, I had a conversation with several colleagues about this essay. I told them I never thought of myself as being particularly patriotic. One Chinese colleague thought this was unfair. 'But you got to enjoy free education,' she said.

Sure, for the entire 365 days I spent in Primary 1 in 1989. But my parents paid for my school and university fees for the next 15 years I was studying.

It seems that many Singaporeans do not know that Malays have stopped getting free education since 1990. If I remember clearly, the news made front-page news at that time.

We went on to talk about the Singapore Government's belief that Malays here would never point a missile at their fellow Muslim neighbours in a war.

I said if not for family ties, I would have no qualms about leaving the country. Someone then remarked that this is why Malays like myself are not trusted. But I answered that this lack of patriotism on my part comes from not being trusted, and for being treated like a potential traitor.

It is not just the NS issue. It is the frustration of explaining to non-Malays that I don't get special privileges from the Government. It is having to deal with those who question my professionalism because of my religion. It is having people assume, day after day, that you are lowly educated, lazy and poor. It is like being the least favourite child in a family. This child will try to win his parents' love only for so long. After a while, he will just be engulfed by disappointment and bitterness.

I also believe that it is this 'least favourite child' mentality which makes most Malays defensive and protective of their own kind.

Why do you think Malay families spent hundreds of dollars voting for two Malay boys in the Singapore Idol singing contest? And do you know that Malays who voted for other competitors were frowned upon by the community?

The same happens to me at work. When I write stories which put Malays in a bad light, I am labelled a traitor. A Malay reader once wrote to me to say: 'I thought a Malay journalist would have more empathy for these unfortunate people than a non-Malay journalist.'

But such is the case when you are a Malay Singaporean. Your life is not just about you, as much as you want it to be. You are made to feel responsible for the rest of the pack and your actions affect them as well. If you trip, the entire community falls with you. But if you triumph, it is considered everyone's success.

When 12-year-old Natasha Nabila hit the headlines last year for her record PSLE aggregate of 294, I was among the thousands of Malays here who celebrated the news. I sent instant messages to my friends on Gmail and chatted excitedly with my Malay colleagues at work.

Suddenly a 12-year-old has become the symbol of hope for the community and a message to the rest that Malays can do it too - and not just in singing competitions.

And just like that, the 'least favourite child' in me feels a lot happier.

Each year, come Aug 9, my father, who never had the opportunity to do national service, dutifully hangs two flags at home - one on the front gate and the other by the side gate.

I wonder if putting up two flags is his way of making himself feel like a better-loved child of Singapore.

Deja vu

2008-08-24T20:22:00.002+03:00

I sat in the staff meeting just now and suddenly what was discussed became very familiar. Just hearing the Speaker talk, reminded me that I've heard all this before. Suddenly I had a strong sense of deja vu, that I've been here before.

Then it all came flooding back to me. The memory came from a dream. A dream not too long ago. If anyone had told me then that I will be working today, attending a staff meeting where I was, I would have said, "You got to be kidding me."

On the other hand I believe in Fate and Predestination. It was predestined that the job was for me but in my free will I had turned in down many times with many different excuses, even if many were kind enough to show and point me the way. It took two wonderful friends to put fairy lights on for me, to see the beauty and the opportunity.

How I got hired itself was short of a miracle. Many had come by looking for a job but not getting one. But me, the uncertain old me, now renewed and refreshed from my Power of Positive thinking workshop
went to help a friend and to submit my application form thinking "Surely its safe now to apply because they are no longer hiring." And Lo and behold, I was offered a job the same afternoon.

Even then I was hesitant, thinking that my child may be neglected. But every single step, Allah made it easy for me to accept this opportunity. A friend agrees to babysit. And the Boss agreed to allow my sweet child sit in the toddler's class.

I am truly grateful. Alhamdullilah. Alhamdullilah. Alhamdullilah. I am so grateful for this opportunity, for the support of my wonderful Dh and my wonderful, wonderful friends.

My next challenge is truly excel in what I do and let my light shine through.

Enthralled

2008-08-22T02:50:00.003+03:00

Filled with a strange determination to seize each day with renewed enthusiasm.
Recharged with the power of positive thinking
And surrounded by supportive friends
Spring in each step moving with enthusiasm

The present straddles between the past and the future
Doing the familiar, yet with new twists
A little rusty but improving
I will do it, I can.

I am capable of achieving everything and anything that I want
As long as I yet my mind on it and work really hard
I can only do it through example
As those eyes are constantly watching, taking notes.

My life is full of pleasant surprises.
I did ask for beautiful journeys of abundance
And the present is as bountiful as any
And I am truly grateful. Alhamdullilah

I am at quandry

2008-08-17T20:39:00.003+03:00

The Universe heard the message I sent out and has shifted things around such that some paths are in place for me. Alhamdullilah.

My challenge is to accept or not accept the opportunity that has been given to me.

Part of me feel that this will be good for my present and future plans.

The other part of me feels guilty that I am not giving my daughter the full attention she deserves.

Lets see how things transpire.

Disposable income vs quality of life

2008-08-02T21:23:00.004+03:00

It comes to THAT time again when our feet get itchy and restless. Perhaps its because we could not find a way to escape the heat except at the malls that we aspire to be some place else, much greener and cooler.

We have been here four years now after all. Many asked us how we managed to survive here this long. Truth is that I have learned to love my life here. I shall not lie and lament about how it irks me that women cannot drive or that mutt@was could be a nuisance. I am lucky that the means of transportation is available to me. Granted that its not cheap but I really don't see why other people are complaining when the cost of taxis everywhere else in the world has sky rocketed. I remembered stepping in a taxi in Singapore and before I could even tell the taxi driver where we wanted to go, the fare was already close to $10. And that was after waiting 25 minutes in line!

And I've learned to avoid the mutt@wa lairs. I cover up when I am outside and go to areas where I know I will not be harassed. I've had an encounter or two but it has been fairly decent because I've learned how not to attract attention to myself.

I no longer find it strange that we eat in isolation and even draw the curtains at our "booth" at the restaurant and embrace the privacy of eating sans prying eyes.

Perhaps the fact that the above doesn't bother me means that I am accustomed to life here.

AT the same time, I am also accustomed to our purchasing power here. Enjoying 3 teapots of Galler hot chocolate counts as a pleasant treat. (Of course I didn't drink all 3 teapots alone!) My DH now has a bad habit of choosing items of clothing for the Little One without checking out the price tag first. Tsk tsk! A huge no no in our life past!

I remember the looks my in laws gave us when we only drank at Starbucks in KL. I mean buying drinks for 4 adults at Starbucks could be equivalent for a week groceries for some. I still get that bit! I am not out of touch that way. But the way we see it, we live far away from our families and civilization as we know it, so that we can enjoy the little luxuries in life.

I am grateful to Allah that we have it good here. Our accommodation is catered for. With no worry about water or electricity bills. Petrol costs almost next to nothing, (Less than 10 p), much cheaper than bottled water. The pool is just steps away from my back door, the playground 3 minutes away and I can have domestic help to help me with the household chores and babysit if the need arise. I know we have it good.

And not paying taxes is a big plus. I still remember how painful it feels to see half of our hard earned salary siphoned off to subsidize the single mothers and pay off other people's medical bills.

Then again, there is another part of me that wants more. More to life than that of shopping malls and coffee mornings. The ability to upgrade myself, my mind, my horizon.

I want a better education for my child. Where she is taught by trained and passionate people who truly care and inspire. Not just by some people who see the nursery as a money making opportunity. An acquaintance was truly surprised how much the Little One's fees would be for Montessori school next year. Are you ready for the number? Sr15,900 plus SR1,500 non refundable registration fee. Thats USD4,639 or MYR15,132 or SGD6,370. Surely a handsome sum indeed elsewhere too!

I know I have taken as many opportunities possible to better myself. But there are still some areas I would like to pursue to expand my horizon. Early childhood education for a start. Alternative medicine is another.

I want to be able to bring her to wonderful museums with beautiful paintings and/or artifacts that may interest her. To give her a wide range of life experiences, to see all sorts of different things in her own eyes.

I do miss the ability to walk down to the cinema and watch a movie. Or be entertained by a good musical or show. Or simple things like trying the clothes I want to buy before buying them and have the luxury of interacting with a sales woman who may even recommend me some other clothes that may suit me, rather than be served by bored men.

I want to be able to do more things as a family together. Simple things like going to the zoo and amusement parks for instance. I still don't appreciate the value of men or women only days at the zoo. Which is why we don't go unless its a school trip of some sort.

Then again, I suppose, having a bigger disposable income means that we could afford a few foreign holidays in a year.

Perhaps the answer to my own quandary is that its all about compromise. Life is about making compromises. What would I consider as the important aspects in my life that I am willing to forgo other bits of it?

What is my compromise for living here and what else would I have to compromise for us to move and live somewhere I want to live?

Despite my quandary, I am very grateful to Allah for giving us the myriad of experiences he has given us. And yes we are lucky in the sense that we are in a position to choose where we would like to be and where we would like to go. Alhamdullilah.

I am also very grateful that DH is as willing to travel the world and always found the ways and means of doing it.

In that sense Kakteh, I guess I feel that my glass is half full. I always do wish that it's full to the brim that its overflowing but I must always remind myself how lucky I am that it is half full.

And Ghazali, apparently sometimes the decision is made for us by our Almighty ;) Good luck to you, may your family learn to love life here as I do.

Dida did it!

2008-07-26T08:08:00.002+03:00

I walked into the bedroom with dried cranberries strewn all over the floor.

"Who did this?" I asked. Somewhat perplexed to see the dried fruits on the floor.

"Dida did it Umi!" she declared with such conviction.

"Dida? Why did Dida do it?" I had to ask.

"Don't know."

"Can you please tell Dida not to do it again? This makes Umi very upset you know," I told her trying hard not to laugh.

"Ok."

At 2 years and 7 months she does know whats right and wrong and tries to shift the blame on Dida.

Dida her imaginary friend has been with us for 2/3 months now. I don't know if Dida is the same person as Mongku.

She has shown her imaginary play quite a bit these days. She likes to arrange pillows and imagine it as a car so that she can drive to the strawberry farm to pick strawberries. And she likes to pretend to pick the green strawberries in her imaginative play.

To be a child again.

Whipsnade Wild animal park

2008-07-25T01:10:00.007+03:00

Location: Whipsnade Zoo
Dunstable
Bedfordshire LU6 2LF
Tel: 01582 872171
Fax: 01582 872649

When we found out by chance that Whipsnade will have a special night opening we decided to make that special trip to Dunstable and stay at the weekend there.

We found Whipsnade 1 and half years ago after visiting the London Zoo. At that time The Little One was 1 year old and we wanted to expose her to other living creatures big and small. Her then favourite book was Eric Carle's "Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you See?" so we thought it would be apt for her to see a brown bear in person.

We had a wonderful day out that winter day and when I found out about their special "once a year" night opening in the summer, we decided that the opportunity was too good to be missed. Afterall, surely it was a stroke of good luck that they had the night opening when we were in town!

We rented a car and drove over 2.5 hours to Dunstable and checked in at the Travellodge Dunstable Hockliffe at GBP53.50 a night. Hockliffe is somewhat between Whipsnade and Woburn, and we were going to Woburn the following day.

We arrived at Whipsnade early and was really excited to get in. The Kiasu and Kanciong part of me was afraid that they may have limited tickets for the night and wanted to be in the front of the queue to make sure that we could get in.

I had tried to buy the tickets online in advance but was not able to do so. We called the zoo about the ticket sales and they assured us that we could buy them when we get there. But hey! We've come a long long way to turn back and miss this opportunity.

Of course the minute we got in, I had to head off to the toilets first! The weather was slightly chilly and I was so glad we didn't forget our jumpers!

First we saw the Lemurs. I must say that the whole night opening was very well organized. There were many zookeepers and volunteers, all friendly and smiling. Willing to tell us about the animal friends.

They were feeding the Lemur raisins as we were at their enclosure and one even came up close and almost personal to The Little One. But of course we didn't have the camera ready for the Kodak moment. And these Little creatures are so nimble and so quick indeed!

We then decided to walk over to the Elephant enclosure for the Elephant show. Elephants, being the Little One's current favorite animal is a must see animal for the evening.

The Little One's last trip here was when she was 12 months old, and there she was in my Ergo carrier. Carrying her high up with us was part of our attachment parenting style. So that she is more aware of what does on at our level.

And here she is now at 30 months old! Talkative, inquisitive, curious, full of questions and imaginative play. I think the attachment parenting bit paid off. She shows attentiveness and at her age she does speak quite well and is able to express herself clearly. She can tell us when she is happy, sad, scared and what it is exactly that she wants. (Normally its ice-cream.)

And then that customary ride on the steam engine train. She has been watching Thomas the Tank engine and is very curious about trains. Afterall she doesn't get to sit in one very often here.

I could not resist the smell of fish and chips nearby and got some for our dinner. I forgot how quickly food gets cold over there but it was really nice to have a good fish and chips!

The Little One insisted on playing at the play area for while. She just loves running and going down the slide. We didn't object as it would allow her to release some steam and burn off excess energy.

Time just seemed to fly by when you're having fun and before we know it, the sun was setting and the closing time was not too far off.

We caught the fire show by "Flame Oz" and I must say that I found them thoroughly mesmerizing and enjoyable.

But alas the beautiful evening had to come to an end and we were excited to rest for the night as next on our agenda was another animal park which we have never been to before.

PYO Strawberries

2008-07-18T16:32:00.010+03:00

Location: Hewitt's Farm, Hewitts Road, Orpington BR6 7QR Kent
Tel: 01959 532003

We first discovered Hewitts farm about 8 years ago on our way to M25. I had often noticed the PYO sign but never knew exactly what they meant. Until I noticed a huge strawberry sign with pick your own on it.

And we've been in love with that place since. We missed it terribly the past 4 years. I will always remember and appreciate the smell and taste of fresh fruit, those just plucked from its tree. The juiciness, sweetness is just amazing. Nothing like the fruits sold in the supermarkets. I never did like peas nor was I too crazy about corn. Before Hewitts I would never have thought of eating them raw. But peas and corn are so sweet when you just pluck them off the trees. I totally support the movement of eating local!

We were lucky to get some sunshine for us to go to Hewitts 2 days in a row! Checkout how red and juicy the strawberries looked! That way we know that the strawberries we picked are exactly ready to be eaten, instead of being plucked just before it ripens only to be sorted out in conveyor belts and transported to supermarkets.

The Little One saw an episode on Tweenies how they went to a farm to pick their own strawberries and she got that idea stuck in her head that she wants to go to a strawberry farm to pick her own strawberries!

One morning we woke her up for a drive to Bahrain and she sleepily asked us, "Mummy are we going to the strawberry farm?"

I was really flabbergasted. The only answer I could muster just not to disappoint her was, "If we saw any strawberry farms along the way, we will stop and you'll get to pick them."

Sorry darling Mummy knew all too well that strawberries didn't grow in the desert.

So my DH decided that the first week of July would be ideal for a trip to Hewitts when they'd have strawberries for picking! And here she is!

The beauty of PYO is that tasting is free, otherwise strawberries cost GBP1.50 a pound.

Check out the Little One tasting the strawberries! Never mind about washing them! They had 2 patches of strawberries, one variety was bigger, juicier and slightly sharp, the other smaller and much sweeter.

To be little again and allowed to taste as many strawberries as one likes!

I think she was in strawberry heaven!

We managed to go to Hewitts 3 days in a row before the weather started to turn wet all week. The farm is very easy to find and does have a big carpark. They even allocate an area for picnic/bbq which you could use for a fee and does get somewhat busier at weekends during the fruit picking season. Not busy at all on the week days.

She opens 930 am to 5:30 pm in the summer.

Facing my cobwebs

2008-07-13T00:28:00.015+03:00

The last two days was a bit of a struggle. The weather didn't help either. It was freezing cold, grey and wet. All the same reasons why I loved the city. With so little time and so much to do, we had to have lists written down, people to call, cheques to write out, appointments to arrange, keys to be handed over.

Making decisions was sometimes hard. Should we let go? With whom?

Meanwhile Danny the Decorator was making good progress with the painting of the apartment. Another decision we had to make but didn't anticipate. He didn't come cheap. Nothing did. But what do you do?

At first we were really depressed. The place we so loved was such in a dissaray. Unloved and not taken care of. It was a place built with love, hope and sweat.

Perhaps we loved the apartment so much precisely because we had to work extra hard to earn it. To save up for the deposit we had to put ourselves on a strict budget. Every penny had to be accounted for. I'm sure we still have the spreadsheet on a memory disk somewhere. How every penny spent is noted down and the budget adjusted accordingly.

On the days I bought the travel card which then cost GBP4.50, I would have to make sure that I will utilize it as much as I could. It could be the day I go to the market in Croydon, or my bus ride to buy meat, then for Italian class and even a trip to Tesco before heading home. We would both bring large rucksacks so we could stuff all the groceries and necessities in them. We could only buy what we could carry and each purchase would have to be considered seriously, is this a need or want? Its quite hard to struggle with groceries on the bus, you see.

I would normally buy whatever was reduced or on offer. Thats the only way to make the money go further. He would bring a packed lunch. And if we ate out, we would choose things that would last the longest, make us most full for the minimal spend.

Those days I often asked myself, what did I get myself into. We moved to the UK, into a life of penny pinching and public transport from a life of being chauffeured driven and eating out at top eateries in Jakarta. As I struggled with the weight on my back, I would remember the days when groceries were sent to the car and from the car to the apartment by the doorman. But it was a life we chose to leave behind. All for a greener dream.

As uncle Dean pointed out when we told him the story, sometimes its good to struggle a little in life. Makes you appreciate what you have better.

And he is right of course.

Which was why it was so hard to move out of the house. We moved out of the country 4 years ago but just could not move out of that flat.

I still remember how 6 years ago, we slept on the floor on a comforter on the first night we moved in with the patio door open. We had no furniture. But we were incredibly happy. We spent hours trawling about furniture stores, DIY shops, looking at what we want and deciding what we could afford. Once again, the trusted Excel spreadsheet was drawn up, how much we would spend on what and how we would get it home and how else we could get it cheaper.

We painted each walls ourselves. Still have the rollers and the paint tray in the store room. Each of that we did with joy and anticipation. Each choice we did together after hours or research and contemplation.

Which explained why we began to feel a bit different as Danny painted each room. He first started in the kitchen. The room that broke my heart when I got home. It just looked so tired and uncared for. I had spent many hours in that space, cleaning, cooking, thinking. The fresh coat of paint just lifted the spirits of that room. A new lease of life. A breathe of fresh air.

Danny also repaired the hole in the ceiling. Another item that we just kept at the back of our minds for a long time. Why we didn't get it repaired right away I don't know. Perhaps I was afraid of the damage it would cost.

And it was amazing how much stuff we still had there. The skip we hired got quite full. The old TVs got in there first. The TV was purchased within the first 2 months on our arrival. Luckily Curry's delivers.

Clothes, books, shoes were either sent to the charity shop or clothes bank. I still could not throw out or give away the Ecco shoes I backpacked in Europe with. My first Coach bag that was bought in Hong Kong was still in that cupboard. Good thing I checked the pockets before sending it off because it still had some money in it. For the longest time, I could not part with the bag because it was the first good bag I owned that DH got me when we were living in Hong Kong. But it was not something I would use anymore. SO I had to set it free to someone who could use it and give it a good home.

I had to smile when I saw that black rug sack sitting pretty in the window of Oxfam charity shop. Goodbye my dear. May someone else find you a great joy.

Lesson No 362, my memories stay with me, not with worldly personal possessions. If anything, the world is open for me to make even more beautiful memories.

Towards the end, I had to enlist the help of uncle Dean to get rid of the rest of our stuff. And boy we had so much stuff! Luckily he is a very keen gardener and was very keen indeed in inheriting all of our garden tools. We had everything, the hedge trimmer, the landmower, the compost, miracle grow, the nice hose, the extension cord. Everything he took.

He helped me emptied out the cupboard. Oh boy I bought a lot of candles. I don't know why I bought them when I hardly used them. Perhaps I thought I'd use them for a romantic dinner and/or cuddle or something.

Lesson no 363, no more buying candles! Unless I could use them to see my auras or something useful to that effect.

With Danny's progress each room was painted with magnolia walls and brilliant white ceilings. He did a good job and the apartment got a new suit, a new skin, a new feel. Each room became depersonalized, they were no longer the walls we painted with love and became a sign of old baggage being getting rid off.

I just had to close my eyes. What could fit in our bags could come with us, the rest well either went to Danny, uncle Dean, Kak Nor, the charity shop, the rubbish bin and/or the skip. Its almost like having my own Life Laundry episode.

Lesson no 364, need to trim down my clutter. I tend to accumulate too much. What is no longer used need to be recycled or gotten rid of.

If anything our struggle is nothing different that what most people have to go through each day. It is no way extraordinary. If anything it made us stronger and more aware of what we are capable of achieving as long as we set our minds to it and work hard at it.

So everyone kept asking me how my trip to London was. To that my answer is, I had to face my past and our future at the same time. Of course we had some sunny days and went to a few interesting places that perhaps I will blog about. But at this time, I am facing my demons. I have come to face the fact that I am a hoarder and I must stop hoarding.

And I will set the flat free, so that my tenant will live there and get the joy and happiness that we enjoyed, helping us save for The Little One's future. There are no more cobwebs of my inability to let go. I have moved on. And I will continue to move on.

From now on, I will make better choices. I will shift my life from shades of gray to beautiful living colors.

My beautiful child, I hope you will understand that good things in life don't just come in a platter to you. May you learn from our life lessons, not repeat them and achieve better than what we can. May you lead a life more extraordinary than ours, with each day bringing wondrous joy.

My darling dearest, we did this together before and will go through it together again if we need to. Thank you for traveling round the world with me. I love you and want you to always be happy.

I want to go hhhoooommmmeee

2008-07-11T07:48:00.003+03:00

The little one seemed to be missing home. Don't blame her, its been topsy curvy here. At first we just thought she was tired of being out in the rain.

"Don't worry we'll be home in 20 mins," we assured here.

"Which House?" she would ask us.

"In Br0mley of course," we told her.

"No! I want the other home," was her reply.

Other home?

"In Riiyaad," she said.

She's been missing her friends so badly apparently. Two weeks without regular contacts with other children. I ried to bring her to Gymboree whenever we stayed home to do stuff. But I guess its different than being with other kids who were her friends.

It was also funny how she told the decorator, "This is my house."

It is definitely yours my child. Your future. Your college fund. And may both the house and you prosper together.

Lesson no 351 - Learning to let go of the past

2008-07-02T23:56:00.003+03:00

Coming back was a bit of a shock to me. Especially the state of the flat. The house sitter had left in a hurry and his hurry was all too present. An unwashed mug with some coffee still in the mug. Crumbs everywhere. Even food in the fridge, now rotten. The kitchen was in an absolute mess.

Our bedroom was familiar but a bit dusty and musty. Its been awhile since any fresh air has come in.

The front door is flooded with mail. Thank God for double doors. Last thing I need are obvious signs that the flat was unoccupied.

A huge box stood in the living room. Packed but nowhere to go. No sign of the owner. No way of contacting him. Never got his contact details in Malaysia. Perhaps never will.

It was somehow depressing but we were determined to make things work.

Sadder still was going through past belongings. I decided that I was going to throw out everything. (Except my purse with 190 quid in it. That was a nice surprise.) But I've decided that I will not look anymore and just stuffed all my old clothes and things into garbage bags. the clothes can go to the charity shops and the other stuff just into the skip.

Not knowing how to contact the house sitter, we opened that box that stood in the living room. Sad actually. Things that could mean something to him but yet he could not throw away. Cards, old statements letters. Why does he keep them? I'll never know.

And he seems to love keeping old bottles. I understand the importance of recycling but he seemed to have 2 cupboardful of them. I mean if he had threw them out one by one, it wouldn't be a mountain of bottles he left behind. Perhaps he meant well wanting to recycle. Or perhaps he just got stuck on an idea but failed to work on it.

And the same for old amazon boxes. Had he thrown them out one by one as they came it, it wouldn't be collecting the way it has. Perhaps he has karang guni tendencies?

For me, he just could not let go. He could not move on. He never recovered since he got heart broken.

I was quite angry for awhile. Because a lot of the skip seemed to be filled with the stuff he left behind. I came back to deal with my stuff and instead have to deal with the stuff he left behind too.

I must have been so blind. He can't seem to be able to handle his stuff and why would I think he would be able to handle mine. Perhaps by allowing him under our roof, we did him a disservice. Allowed him to wallow even longer. But surely that wasn't my call.

It was a hard lesson for me to learn but I will take a leaf out of his book. I must determine how my past can help my future and not collect too much baggage with me. It is very important to move on. Learn my lesson and quickly move on. Not to dwell on past anger, helplessness and unhappiness.

How I deal with tomorrow is related to how I deal with today. I will deal with whatever comes today, today and not let them pile up into the mountain of bottles as aftermath.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If this seems familiar to you, you know how to contact me. Its not that I'm looking for money but perhaps it would be common courtesy for you to keep in touch.

And we are off

2008-06-26T17:52:00.002+03:00

I am so not prepared. But I guess we miss this sort of last minute trips. We are off to UK today! Horay!

Amongst the things we want to do:

1) Visit Legoland
2) Pick strawberries
3) Whipsnade Animal park
4) Stonehenge
5)Woburn Safari Park

We will be eating

1) clotted cream
2) fresh strawberries
3) Fresh cherries
4) Delicious salads
5) Pierre Marcolini

But we aim to settle a few things this trip. Like mowing the lawn, trimming the garden, clearing out all of my personal stuff and polishing the house.

Its time to let the flat pay for it self. No more emotional attachment!

Wish us luck!

I'm going for an allergy testing. Hopefully I'll know more about my body.

I am having a mini panic attack actually. I seem to have forgotten my pin numbers for my UK credit cards. They have a chip and pin now. Boy I am in trouble! Back to chasing after trains and train schedules. Perhaps seeing a rain drop or two (oops can't find my umbrella!) Selfridges sale starts today. But perhaps its not wise to go hahaha. I bet Harrods sale has started too. But I have real work to do!

The Little One could not sleep last night because she so wanted to go to pick her own strawberries. In due time sayang. I hope she will be able to achieve her dreams all the time. This child of mine, when she has an idea in her head, it doesn't seem to go away. Not even geography can get in the way apparently!

My DH needs this break desperately. It will rejuvenate him, I'm sure.

Tomorrow will mark the 10 years we've been married, boy oh boy it only felt like yesterday. It will be lovely to go back and go to our familiar places in London. Things and times have changed. So have we.

I look forward to going home.

Sometimes people are sent to you for a reason

2008-06-25T07:17:00.000+03:00

Su K is one of those people that would make some people uncomfortable. She is non conforming. She doesn't really care how she looks or what she wears and sometimes does say things that may throw people off.

And she hates TV. Which does kill off some conversations. Some people find her downright strange, others find her intimidating.

But I am beginning to find Su K to be a friend and a teacher. Her unconventional ways may not necessarily be my life style of choice but I do find that there is a lot I could learn from her. (Like premaculture which could be a whole different entry.)

I remember her coming to a quilt meeting and for some reason or other her driver didn't show up. I didn't want to leave her and her neighbor behind but could not offer to send them home because they live way on the other side of town and I wanted to get home before the Little One's bed time.

So Su K said, "Its ok just drop me off outside somewhere and we'll hail a taxi."

Now thats a big thing here. 2 women, one of them a white Amer/c@n, hailing a taxi by the side of the road of an unknown neighborhood. I was very concerned for them. But Su K was not frazzled. She took it in her stride.

I happened to hangout with her the other day and she told me a story about Bill.

Bill was someone she picked up on her way home from her University. There were very few houses in her neighborhood and to see a man walking while trying to hitchhike was something quite rare . SO Su K stopped and told him, "If you are not dangerous you can come in my car and I'll take you to where you want to go."

Su K was brave that way.

So Bill told her that he had come from Illinois and was in Kansas because he heard that his uncle was building a log house and needed help. He had hitchedhiked part of the way, walked the other parts and slept in the rough, under bridges and so on.

Bill's uncle's house was about 30 mins away from Su K's house and she drove him there, only to find, upon their arrival that 2 M3xicans were moving into the house that Bill thought belonged to his uncle. They did not know about Bill's uncle and no one around there could give him any information about his uncle.

So Su K decided to bring Bill home.

She told him that he is welcomes to stay in their farm There is a lot of work to be done and they would provide him with room and board in return.

As it turned out that at that time Su K's husband wanted to run a bed & breakfast business. They had a huge basement which was in a huge mess and needed to be tidied up.

Bill stayed. And it turned out that they needed to retile that basement and guess what? Bill was a professional tiler.

So Bill tiled that floor. Help them fix up the basement. When he finished Su K and her hubby paid Bill and bought him a bus ticket to get home.

She has never heard from Bill since of course.

I don't know if I will take my chances with people the same way Su K does, but Su K's story reminds me how sometimes it pays to listen to our instincts.

My fear of getting hurt make me stay away from people. But Su K's story just reminded me that I don't always need to be afraid of helping people who may need my help because I may need their help instead!

Goodbye Rochelle

2008-06-24T08:04:00.002+03:00

Just before I got into bed, I realized that I had a text message unread.

"Rochelle died in a car accident."

It said.

I didn't know Rochelle that well, but that didn't mean that I wasn't sad or shocked. We met through other people. She had started quilting and wanted to buy fabric from me.

Then silence.

I heard from other people she packed her bags for South Africa, left an abusive marriage. Which was a bit of a shock to me because I thought they were doing all sorts of treatments to try for a baby. Which goes on to show you never really know what goes on behind closed curtains.

Death is such that it reminds you of your own. That we all are mere mortals and our day will come one day.

So while we're here, I should embrace each day as it comes. I should not dwell on the small and the unimportant things.

Its your special day

2008-06-23T00:41:00.002+03:00

Wishing you a very happy birthday.

May each day be filled with happiness, abundance, joy and good health.

If I had my way, I'd buy you a Ferrarri and fly you over to watch a race. Perhaps its not yet time.

So for now, all I can offer you are lots of love, hugs and kisses. With a promise that I will continue to travel the world with you, where ever you choose to go.

Wishing you many more wonderful birthdays to come. Because you're the one I want to grow old and spend the rest of my life with.

PS Kalau bawak Ferrari kang anak nak letak mana? Atas bumbung ka?

I'm motivated!

2008-06-21T09:01:00.003+03:00

I am determined and motivated. Nothing stops me.

I feel great and am ready for anything.

I love life and life loves me back.

Today I am on top of the world, anything is possible.

I go for my goals and I reach them; nothing stands in my way.

I am not afraid of anyone or anything; I feel confident and assertive.

Today I start my fabulous new life.

I believe in myself 100 per cent and I am not ready to live my dreams.

I never make excuses, I do things on time and I keep to my word.

I am so lucky to be alive.

My full plate is decorated

2008-06-18T07:49:00.002+03:00

What a difference a day makes
Twenty-four little hours
Brought the sun and the flowers
Where there used to be rain

Allah may plan a sequence of events that appear to be unrelated and coincidental, that I can only call Fate.

Sometimes I may momentarily forget that there is a silver lining behind every cloud.

But here I am today, glad and happy, thankful and grateful, that everything is mapped out for me, for the good of things.

Allhamdullilah

My plate is always full

2008-06-16T15:28:00.004+03:00

"You are always committing yourself to all sorts of things," declared my friend, mentor and adviser.

I thought about it for a moment.

And she is right of course.

I seem to have a knack to take all sorts of things on. Sometimes without thinking and later realizing that perhaps I had bitten off more than I could chew.

Could it because I am trying hard to please everyone around me? Not really, I have kept people whom I think bring negative energy at an arm's length.

I guess I like the challenge. I like trying out new things and testing myself to the limit. There is a thirst inside me that says I am capable of more, just not realizing that I am human afterall and have my limits.

I seem to pack my schedule full to the brim and if I don't program things in my schedule I may forget.

But I do enjoy the company of my quilting friends. Their creativity and willingness to help, with regards to quilting or otherwise, just warms my heart that I feel that I too want to contribute my worth. With them I always feel that I learn something new, some thing different, be it about sewing, culture and life in general.

As a result I sometimes seemed to have neglected my "other" friends and neighbours. And may have even offended a few.

I have since decided that should they feel I am not good enough to be a friend to them, then it would be their loss, not mine. If they have some issues to deal with within themselves, I must not undertake to accept these issues as mine but rather see it as theirs.

I cannot help people who cannot help themselves.

If I appear to be selfish because I want to keep positive people and positivity around me, so be it. I need to love myself first. No one will love me if I don't love myself. And to love myself is to protect myself from harm, hurt and grievances.

I will be true to myself and accept that there are others who have different views about life and friendship than mine. I don't believe in teaching others' a lesson. Thats not my place.

I've had a tough month behind me and I may have a tough road ahead. But what doesn't kill me will only make me stronger.

I will live and let live. So be it.

The questions have started

2008-06-13T23:18:00.003+03:00

At age 2 and a half, The Little has started the incessant why and where.

"Mummy where is your Mummy?"

"She is not here."

"Where is she?"

"She has passed away."

"Oh."

"Daddy, where is your mummy?"

"Wan?"

"Yes."

"She is in Malaysia."

"Oh."

"Mummy, is your mummy here?"

And the cycle starts over again. Perhaps death is not yet a concept she could understand. And I suppose it puzzles her that I don't have a "mummy."

And calling us Mummy and Daddy, thats purely, 100% her own choice. She rotates between Abah & Ummi and Daddy and Mummy.

And then there's Mongku.

Who is Mongku you may ask. I wondered too. From what I can gather, Mongku is a boy who sleeps in her bed which is next to us. I am Mongku's mummy.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

She has also learn to interpret emotions from facial expression.

Just the other day, I caught her poking her paint brush at the domestic help. It wasn't in a mean, rather cheeky sort of way. I quickly reprimanded her for doing so because I do not want her think that its OK to poke people, even if it was gently with paint brushes.

"But mummy she is laughing!" She declared.

She was right though. The Domestic help didn't take offense to what The Little One did and was laughing at her antics instead. And The Little One felt that she was encouraged by the laughing.

She is definitely testing her boundaries to the fullest!

The girl with the (faux) pearl necklace

2008-06-09T22:24:00.003+03:00

She's come a long way. From hating separation and school, she now readily goes to school. Its not that I want her educated in terms of reading and writing sort of way. I wanted to give her the opportunity to interact with other children without clinging on to me. I didn't want her to have the only child syndrome, spoilt and do not know how to interact with other children their age who behave inappropriately with other people.

Its wonderful to see that she is well liked by her peers. I mean of course I know my child is charismatic and agreeable. But to see her exuding leadership qualities at a young age is just something else. I guess she could just be bossy but amazing still is that other children want to be with her. They want to do what she is doing and greet her with such enthusiasm and joy. To have friends who like you at such an early age is surely a wonderful thing.

Last week they had a "graduation" day. The Little One of course decided that it was her most disagreeable day. Luckily enough we managed to muster this photograph. I was in two minds about the picture. On one hand I wanted her to look exactly as she does normally, a little bit mucky and a little bit cheeky. At the same time I wanted to dress her up in one of the beautiful frocks gathering in her closet. At least we'll remember that she had smocking dresses.

There is a story to the pearls she wore. It was given as a souvenir from a friend on our roadtrip to Madinah. I had wanted to buy the faux pearls because they were sold by Chinese looking young girls just outside the Majid with two qiblat. Unfortunately I didn't have small change then and another lady bought them as a gift for me. It just touched me that girls at such a young age are selling stuff perhaps as ways to help bring food in for their family. Its much better than begging I guess.

And it was My Little One who requested to wear these pearls I almost forgot and kept away in a drawer.

I almost think that The Little One knows that the pearls serve as a reminder to me how fortunate we are and how grateful I am to my Creator for all he has given to us.

My Little One I hope that you will always lead a life full of happiness and privilege. I know you will understand that it is through prayer, concentrated intent and hard work that you can achieve all that you want in your life.

I will embrace new adventures

2008-06-07T11:06:00.002+03:00

I must remember to be brave and embrace adventures as they present themselves to me.

I always pride myself in taking off beaten tracks and paths less travelled, so when opportunity arises I will stand up, face the sun and accept the challenge.

I have done it and can always do it.

The best is yet to come.

Oppurtunity of a lifetime?

2008-06-06T14:32:00.002+03:00

About twelve years ago, we were shopping for our wedding and engagement rings and some pink diamonds were presented to us.

I was young and naive and did not do my research. Back then the Internet was not as extensive as it is now.

Not knowing what pink diamonds were, I turned down that opportunity to pick them as my wedding ring.

I love the ring that we chose. But at the back of my mind I will always remember that instance as the ignorance of my youth and my lack of knowledge. It was an opportunity that presented itself to us, out of the blue, but I didn't take it up because I didn't know any better.

If anything it was a lesson that I kept. That I will not stop my quest for knowledge and to learn more about the things and the world around me such that if I stumble a treasure by chance again, I will grab that opportunity and not let it go.

It appears that on the 10th year of our marriage, (I still can't believe that its been that long) another opportunity of a lifetime approaches us.

I can still remember that instance when I saw the pink diamonds, it was "Oh really? Ok. Whatever."

Now these treasures are presented to me, with the possibility of me owning them. My initial thought is that we don't know enough. And even with the internet I don't seem to know enough.

Their owner is selling them because she wants to put her child through University.

And me? I am still undecided. But I am very grateful the opportunity is presented to us.

Pasta class

2008-05-26T14:53:00.013+03:00

I have decided that I am a bit obsessed with food. Luckily for me my DH is a bit like that too. When he saw Chef Marrianne M's flyer for the pasta class, he encouraged me to sign up.

So I spent one morning with The Chef and 10 other ladies making pasta.

First Chef Marianne showed us how simple it was to make gnocchi.

Gnocchi will always remind me of my Italian teacher back in London. Its fast and easy to make and reminds her of the comfort of home cooked meal.

The recipe for Gnocchi

1/2 kg potatoes
1 egg
170 g flour
2 spoons of grated parmesan
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg
salt and pepper

Boil the potatoes with skin on. Drain, peel the skin and press the potato through a sieve. Mix the potato with flour, eggs, parmesan and nutmeg.

Roll the dough into a slim cylindrical shape. Cut them up into 1 1/2 cm pieces and dust with flour to prevent them from drying out.

To cook them, put them in boiling water. The gnocchi will float to the surface when they are ready.

The gnocchi is served in a meat ragu tuscan style. Its delicious!

Then Chef showed us a fussy-free method to make pasta. And I have to say I am enthralled by her pasta attachment for her Kitchen Aid mixer. I've never seen this attachment before as previously I have only worked with the manual one. And I can tell you that this Kitchen Aid makes pasta making a breeze!

From the pasta sheets, she showed us how to make tortellini and ravioli. Usually its tortellini when the filling is meat and ravioli when the filling is cheese.

In this case she used a combination of ricotta, cream cheese, grate parmesan and the lemon peel.

The meat tortellini in asparagus bouillon was really wonderful. It was light and fresh especially with the crunch of the asparagus.

The ricotta ravioli in red pepper sauce was a little bit sweet because I accidentally tipped the bag of sugar in the saucepan. I found the sauce familiar yet unique as I have never quite tasted the red pepper sauce.

Guess which kitchen gadget I'll be looking out for next! ;)

Its amazing when ...

2008-05-26T07:28:00.004+03:00

I smile, not to other people but myself, other people begin to secretly smile with me.

I am relaxed, I take my time, people too are kinder, gentler and more helpful.

I am generous, the returns comes back to me two fold, sometimes when I least expect it, from people I didn't expect from.

The things I was looking for suddenly show up, without me having to look for them too hard.

My child, I promise to listen to you more

2008-05-17T21:42:00.003+03:00

We were having lunch, just the two of us, DH was off to Dubai on business trip. I was missing him terribly.

Out of nowhere, she said,"Abah is happy."

Really? I wondered.

"What about you?"

"Not happy." she said a matter of factly.

"And umi?"

"Not happy," she declared.

(We were both missing him that Friday where we would normally have lunch as a family.)

I was curious, so I texted my DH.

"Your child says that you are happy. Hope you are having a great time."

And his replied was, "My daughter is psychic."

Apparently he was happy because the meetings were over.

The beauty of the uncluttered mind. How instincts have priority over knowledge and logic.

Its just amazing how she would just know when I would leave her or when my mind is preoccupied with something else. Just this afternoon, as she was having her afternoon nap, I decided that I would take the afternoon bus out. Just as I grabbed my bag, she woke up and cried for me.

I will remember that you have strong instincts my child.

And I hope your instincts will bring wealth and abundance to your life my love, not just material things but wisdom, love,golden opportunities and friendship too.

*****************************

Guess what I found when my back was turned?

Her first attempt at wearing lipstick. Perhaps you'll get better as you grow older?

G@rda and her art of positive thinking

2008-05-16T02:25:00.003+03:00

I firmly believe that sometimes my path crosses with certain people for the sole purpose of me either to learn a lesson from or with them. And my 30 minutes chance meeting with G@rd@ became a light bulb moment for me.

I had gone to visit my friend Ev@ to touch base. Apparently she and some ladies had sewn a quilt for G@rda as soon as they heard that she was diagnosed with breast cancer and had opted for mastectomy. Apparently G@rda had made the decisions to ask for both breasts to me removed within 2 weeks of finding out that she had breast cancer.

I didn't know G@rda before but tagged along for moral support. Only to find out that it was I who was about to receive a life lesson from her.

She greeted us at the door with a smiley and cheerful voice. I didn't believe that this was a lady who had just been discharged from the hospital for 2 days after getting both her breasts removed. She welcomed all of us into the house and asked us to make ourselves comfortable. Ev@ and the ladies gave her the water-colour heart quilt and I could see that she was very touched.

Cheerfully she said, "I'm sure you all are curios and want to know all the gory details and I shall share them all with you."

When we asked her how she was doing, she answered very cheerfully, "Very well."

"You know, I was thinking that of all the parts of my body that I could lose, my breasts are the parts I don't mind losing. I don't need them. I'm glad its not my legs or my hands or my eyes. I didn't need my breasts. And I felt really glad about that."

"When i felt pain and was getting depressed then I told myself to imagine the other people in the hospital like me. I'm lucky that I only lost my breast, the poor man in the next room lost his leg."

"When I felt the pain was unbearable, I thought about the poor babies in the NICU in the hospital with all the tubes and everything. Then I felt much better. My pain is nothing compared to the pain they must be experiencing."

I just sat there in awe, at this woman who has nothing but positive things to say about her situation and her pain. There was no twinge of regret, or the why me, but rather of gratitude. Gratitude that she found the lump early. Gratitude that her operation went OK. Gratitude that she had good Doctors.

She told us that the lump was found on only one breast but she insisted that the Doctors removed both breasts and made decision within 2 weeks. She even insisted on going to the toilet herself after being roused from the operation rather than using the catheter. Within a few days she insisted on walking rather than being pushed in the wheel chair like an invalid.

Never have I met someone so strong both mentally and physically.

G@rda, thank you for the life lesson. I will keep myself positive and will always be grateful with what I have or even don't have. Whatever I think my problems may be, there are others whose problems are much bigger and more serious than mine.

Watching her, a tower of cheerfulness and strength, I am convinced, more than ever now, its always the mind over body. What the mind thinks, the body agrees.

Once again, I am humbled by the beautiful life lessons given to me.

Another roadtrip, R/yadh, M@kkah & Jedd@h II

2008-05-12T00:57:00.001+03:00

Jedd@h, in one word, is just so relaxed. I was constantly amazed how relaxed the families were sitting in different clumps by the beach. I have expected the religious police coming to round them up, telling them that they mustn't look too happy in public or that no family should sit together, must be separated, the men from the women.

The restaurants had no partitions, no curtains and there were quite a few women without their face covered.

Just shows how different the city I live in is compared to Jeddah.

I had a naughty notion of staying at the Movenpick Hotel on the second night. Very inviting the idea of a chalet facing the sea. We went to the reception asking about prices. We did decide a budget before hand. Alas the room was slightly above our budget but the nice guy at the reception obliged us with a peek at the rooms. A good sized bathroom, a decent shower bathroom cum laundry room, a kitchenette cum spacious living room, and outside, a private pool facing the sea! Imagine sleeping with the sound of the waves! Its obvious that we've been landlocked for too long.

We decided that we would stay there the next time we come to town. It would be a wonderful treat!

To make us feel better, we treated ourselves with a decent dinner buffet at the Al-Wadaa restaurant, a waterfront dining experience. It was refreshing eating mussels and fish with the fresh sea breeze flowing. They even had music there! I was just so amazed!

All through dinner all I could think about was Alhamdullilah! Praise to Allah for the joys he has given us in our lives. It is a wonderful treat when we don't have to worry about paying dinner when not too long ago I was debating if I should buy a sandwich or save that money for groceries! Alhamdullilah indeed! We have it good.

The next day we were ready for our long drive home. For some reason my DH who normally has an impeccable sense of direction had a difficult time getting us to the right track. Due to the heavy traffic on the highway to M@kkah (this being a Friday before Friday prayers) we decided to take the scenic "obligatory for non-muslim" road to Taif. The view was amazingly spectacular. Kept kicking ourselves for not bringing our camera for this trip. The mountain range against the beautiful blue sky was just spectacular.

The sky so blue, the road was mainly empty and there was even a beautiful glimpse of a shepherd with his donkey as we drove past a Wadi.

We were very surprised that the road to Taif was so quiet. We assumed that it was because it was Friday. We were hoping that it wasn't the winding road. but alas, it was the winding road, very quiet though and even the checkpoint was unmanned.

The view however was spectacular. The previous times we took the road was from Taif to Makkah, with impatient traffic, sometimes in the dark. It was difficult to concentrate on the views then. But on this amazing Friday we could enjoy the glorious beauty of Allah's creation.

Until we discovered that the rest of the road was closed that is!

Determined to push on, we drove back towards Makkah. Perhaps our impatience, our desire to avoid the Friday traffic got the better of us. Or perhaps we were just given the opportunity to enjoy the beautiful scenery.

Eventually we made back into the boundaries of Haram and I said a quick prayer. All I asked for is a speedy drive home so that we will arrive home quickly, safely.

That detour into the boundaries of Haram did wonders! We arrived home just short before isya', enjoyed the wonderful dinner the bought on the way home and had a restful night's sleep.

Roadtrips like this one reminded me of the many drives we used to make. A bit different now with the addition of The Little One who has brought nothing short of joy and happiness to our lives.

I came back with a new peace. Peace with myself with the small niggling voices banished. Alhamdullilah life is good and InsyAllah the future will fall in place.

Another roadtrip, R/yadh, M@kkah & Jedd@h I

2008-05-12T00:01:00.000+03:00

My in laws came and stayed for three weeks. The trip was a bitter sweet one for them because upon arrival here, MIL found out that her 97 year old mum passed away. To say that her death was not expected, she had postponed the trip a few times, partly because she thought the end was near. Just as she felt that the old lady was better, she went.

She went with the knowledge that her daughter would be playing with her granddaughter, the much awaited great-grand-daughter.

Since they were playing with MH via Jedda@h, we planned it such that they would get to perform umrah first before flying off home. The 10 hour drive was very bearable. My Little One behaved very well. Between 2 naps, singing, Dora and Elmo, we made through the trip. I am very proud of her.

We got a little lost finding the Miqat. Partly because I would normally have preferred the Miqat in Taif, less crowded. This time round the miqat was not busy at all, partly because it was midweek and partly because it was only after Asr.

When we arrived in M@kkah once again the roads confused us a little bit but Alhamdullilah we managed to find our hotel. Hotels in Makkah now are at premium price, especially those closest to Masjidil Haram. Alhamdullilah Le Meredien was just as nice and an easy walk to the Masjidil Haram.

Although it was not my first time, in fact, everytime I went into Masjidil Haram, I went in with a little bit of trepidation. There is something about the place that creates fear before you go in but awe and enlightenment when you are in there in person.

And to see the throngs of worshippers and the majestic structure of the Ka'abah, so near and within reach yet so monumental with people hanging at each and every space.

I did my tawaf with gladness, sadness, humbleness, hope and acceptance all in one. Very difficult to describe the feeling really and each person would have to take this journey his or herself to experience it. I felt at peace and there is a certain feeling of rejuvenation at the end of it.

The energy in that place is just amazing that even the little one obliged. We carried her in the Ergo during the tawaf and not a peep was heard from her. It was as if she understood. In fact, the following evening she expressed her desire to be near the Ka'abah.

Perhaps due to the warmer weather, the tawaf area is very crowded at night compared to the day. There was a mad rush for space during prayer hence we decided to go to the second floor whenever we could. There was even a place where you can borrow free wheel chairs. Yes borrow not rent.

Of course when one has finish the Sa'i and didn't bring scissors, be weary with whom you borrowed the scissors from. Some "well meaning" child may fleece you for the rental of their scissors. Some ask as much as 10 r/yals. If you are patient enough you could buy scissors for the same amount at nearby pharmacies or the Bin Dawood supermarket in the Hilton building.

The new face of M@kkah can be seen with the shiny new Al Bait shopping center just opposite Gate 1 . Wheelchair friendly (no steps to get into the Mall) with 3 elevators to bring you up to the foodcourt. And trendy shops. Not just shops selling Ouds, attar or dates. But Mothercare, Bodyshop, Sephora, Debenhams, Claires, Next and lots more. I didn't pop in the shops myself but was just so amazed with the new state of the art building.

We left M@kkah with high hopes that we will return soon. And was excited to go to Jedd@h.

My lesson for the day

2008-04-30T12:41:00.003+03:00

Not to accept the responsibility of organizing something until I fully understand what it entails. If it gets too much, learn to say no.

Not to listen to niggling voices. Some people just love to complain. Its THEIR issues, not mine. DO NOT accept the responsibility of helping them. They would need to help themselves, not me.

If they commit to something and offer to pay me first. ACCEPT IT! They may forget to pay me later. Especially since they might change their mind later and I have already paid for them first. I keep on losing money this way. Its time for me to learn this lesson well.

Stay away from toxic people. They wear me down.

I will concentrate on people who can make me into a better person. Life is too short to dwell on the small stuff.

I will learn my lessons well so I don't have to keep on repeating them.

Thank you Allah for the oppurtunities for me to learn.

Chocolate delight

2008-04-29T14:21:00.009+03:00

I attended a "chocolate" class with Chef MM For me, these classes are not just about the knowledge about food that I obtained but also the friends I meet and the different cultures I get to learn.

D & B are preparing the chocolate truffles. The three of us took cooking classes at Four seasons about 2 years ago. It was great to catch up with them again.

Peach salad

Chocolate parfait with peach salad

Chocolate Mousse with chilli sauce

Chef MM showed us how to roll the chocolate truffles in our palms before dunking them in cocao powder.

I had so much fun and had a huge chocolate rush that I forgot to take more pictures of the truffles! Since it was a toss up between sampling the food and taking photographs, guess which one I chose to do?

Since then I have made some chocolate mousse and its a hit!

Just for today

2008-04-28T20:48:00.002+03:00

I am glad that I have someone to clean and polish the house new again, after it looked like a whirlwind swept through it.

I am thankful that I have a husband who is supportive of my dreams, ideas and hobbies. I cannot thank Allah enough for the love he has given me.

I am grateful that we are in the financial position to afford more than just what we need. A good education for our child is within our means. That its not a toss up between a meal or the child going to school.

I am honoured that we have friends who enjoy our company. Who seek us out even when we don't feel like going out to socialize. Its a gift really to have friends who love you and enjoy your company.

I am happy that I have the freedom to choose. Whether it is the best for my child, the convenience for me or the joy for us.

I will concentrate on the wonderful things I have in my life. And my health will be better in no time at all.

When a door of opportunity closes, another one will open.

Let it be so.

The Best part of my day...

2008-04-13T03:07:00.003+03:00

Was when the Little One could express "I love you" to me unsolicited. She even said it with a smile in her sleepy face.

Was when my DH appreciated the simple dishes I cook for dinner today.

I am lucky that I am loved.

Cooking class with Chef Marianne Mussi

2008-04-08T05:43:00.013+03:00

Starter

Potato creme soup
Served with spiced sausage, crispy coutons
And Sherry fillet

Main course

Oregano/lemon stuffed chicken
Potato rosti and parsley Fume

Dessert

Vanilla parfait with caramel sauce
And strawberry salad

Chef MM made everything looked so easy and everything we, yes we all had a hand in preparing the food we got to eat, made was amazingly delicious from simple ingredients that can be bought locally.

The potato creme soup was smooth and delicious. the sausage added an extra zing and the fish added another texture for the soup.

The chicken and rosti was amazingly simple to make and she even showed us how to serve the dish gourmet style.

And the parfait is to die for!!! I was so inspired and excited after the class that I made some immediately the same afternoon!

Out of respect to Chef MM I will not be posting the recipes for her dishes here but please email me privately if you are interested. In the meantime I will ask her views about this.

Present for Umi

2008-04-03T06:05:00.002+03:00

I know my blog seems a lot more like a mommy blog now rather than the travel blog that it started itself to be. But such is my life now.

My 27 month old daughter is trying it on now. She is testing her limits and her boundaries as far as she can get away with. It does tire me out sometimes. I have to constantly remind myself that she means well.

Just the other day, she insisted in opening the roll of wrapping paper we just bought in IKEA. Gone were the days when wrapping paper just used to cost 20 cents, wrapping paper seem to cost a premium here. I was reluctant to waste the wrapping paper.

When I was not looking she quickly grabbed the roll and started to unroll the cutesy paper. So I obliged, I cut her a piece that she could play with to save the rest of the roll.

And guess what she did? She came to me with a “parcel” of the wrapping paper I gave to her.

“Look Umi! Present!” She handed it to me with great excitement.
[ In my heart I was going.. ohh nooo what a waste!]

“Whats this Am?” I obliged her.

“It’s a present.” She answered.

“Who is it for?” I asked.

“For Umi.” She said with a smile.

So I began to unwrap the present.

“What’s inside?” I asked her.

“Bread,” she said gingerly.

Yes my daughter had wrapped a slice of garlic bread as a present for me.

I had to smile. I gave her a kiss and said thank you for the present. And hugged her.

My darling, I will always remember the first ever present you gave to me. May your life will always be enriched by wonderful gifts that you will receive throughout your life.

I am at quandary

2008-03-26T02:19:00.008+03:00

I am at quandary between changing the school for my daughter and keeping her where she is.

Why do I want to change?

The owner of the school and her sister who is one of the teachers in the school is showing too clearly how untrained and unexperienced they are. Most recent example, my daughter's finger was burnt with glue from a glue gun. Why do they have to use gun guns for a craft for 2 year olds is beyond me. They claimed that the glue gun is the only glue strong enough to put the button on the tin cans wrapped with crepe paper. She even went on to say that my little one was , I quote, their "guinea pig," the first child to do the craft and thus her finger because they didn't realize that the glue was hot.

How incredibly stupid!

Why I keep sending her there?

1)Convenience. The school is within the compound, thus 5 mins walk away.

2)Familiarity. The other children in the compound goes there too including my little one's best friend. She plays with them in school as well as in the afternoons at the skate park and play ground.

3)Cost factor. Sending her to a school outside the compound means more money on transport. That or we would have to get a driver.

In general she is doing well in school. Partly because she is used to it and partly because she is excited to see her best friend Mariam in school. She enjoys her singing sessions and I even caught her singing to herself. I often hear her chant "Eeee ya eee yaa yooo."

I am not the only one unhappy with the school. I guess us mothers tolerate it because its convenient. But I am not sure if I can live with myself with the excuse of convenience.

I have only just begun to enjoy my free time. Not that my time is free mind you, I have a planned schedule for everyday of the 3 days in school. If I didn't send her to school, I wouldn't have the time for my own self development with sewing, Reiki and Yoga. And I believe that I will be a better mother with all that.

And what do we do on the two days she isn't in school you asked? On Saturdays is our bonding time, either spent on the bus or whatever strikes us, be it painting, collecting flowers/leaves or even climbing trees.

And look what she was up to last Saturday:

We were examining the trunks of trees and she wanted to feel whats its like being on one.

And on Wednesdays, we have Kindermusik with Hanna,

Kindermusik is coming to an end though. We no longer will be doing Our Time but will switch to ABC and Me programme if we have 12 people together. I'm hoping that we can round out 12 people!

Are you interested?

Life lessons

2008-03-17T07:46:00.002+03:00

Hoooraaay! I just need to sew a little bit more and will be done with my challange quilt and I don't have to sort out my demo till later.

1) I must remember to be here and now and not rushed off my feet going 200km/hr and then feeling lost after. Yesterday was one of those days I was rushing through things. Didn't have proper conversation with people, looking half stressed. Came home feeling relieved but at the same time a little bit regretful. Perhaps I didn't take enough people. Perhaps I didn't make the effort to make proper conversation. Perhaps I forgot to thank a few people.

I must remember to be present in the here and now, to enjoy each moment as it unfold.

2) Keeping in touch, even if its a one line email is very important. [Re: I have a few emails and even smses I have yet to reply.] It may seem like it can wait or unimportant to me but may be important to the other person.

3)Learning to let go
Whatever grievances I may have, I must learn to deal with it, put it past me and move on. Because if I don't. I'd just be bitter and catty. Especially if the issue is long past and everyone else has moved on.

Its amazing how the short interaction I had yesterday yield 3 more new life lessons for me.

A peek into their lives

2008-03-07T23:31:00.001+03:00

One of the most interesting aspects of life on the road, is the opportunity to meet new people, of different professions and backgrounds. They provided insights into some life lessons and experiences, some of which I would not have the opportunity to peek otherwise.

The two gentlemen were ex-armed forces, here on business. One recounted to us his experiences in wartime Bosnia. The other was his trainer.

The third is a heart surgeon, born of a military family that grew up in hardship. Listening to his stories about his childhood made me realize how lucky I was to have a good childhood. My childhood seemed luxurious compared to his.

Between him and his two siblings and their mum, they shared a can of sardines and rice for lunch and dinner. They had occasional keropok for snacks. How his mum sold keropok and batiks to earn extra money for her children.

His father physically abused his mother, who continued to stay with him despite the children asking her to leave her husband.

He took his ticket out as soon as he could. He went to boarding school and later earned a scholarship to study medicine in England. Through sheer hard work and a strong will, he became a specialist.

More than anything else I learned that we are all only human; The Majors, the heart surgeons, the doctors, the politicians, the songstress, the ambassadors. It may be obvious to others perhaps, but it all drove home for me this time after my conversations with them.

We are all in search of the same thing. Happiness, family and means to pay off our bills and mortgages. We all have the same struggles in life. We all have our own life lessons to learn, and we can all attain everything that we dream for, as long as we believe in ourselves and we work hard to achieve our dreams and goals.

The roads may be different, but the journeys are similar.

Thank you for giving me this insight.

Putting first things first

2008-03-01T14:23:00.006+03:00

My Reiki Teacher Ang@ shared with me an excerpt from Stephen Covey's First things first. He describes a story that one of his associates experienced on a seminar.

In the middle of the lecture the presenter pulled out a wide-mouth jar and placed it on the table, aside to some fist-sized rocks.

"How many of these rocks do you think we can get in the jar?" he asked the audience.

After the students made their guesses, the seminar leader said,

"Okay, let's find out." He put one rock in the jar, then another, then another--until no more rocks would fit. Then he asked, "Is the jar full?"

Everybody could see that not one more of the rocks would fit, so they said, "Yes."

"Not so fast," he cautioned. From under the table he lifted out a bucket of gravel, dumped it in the jar, and shook it. The gravel slid into all the little spaces left by the big rocks. Grinning, the seminar leader asked once more, "Is the jar full?"

A little wiser by now, the students responded, "Probably not."

"Good," the teacher said. Then he reached under the table to bring up a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in the jar. While the students watched, the sand filled in the little spaces left by the rocks and gravel. Once more he looked at the class and said, "Now,
is the jar full?"

"No," everyone shouted back.

"Good!" said the seminar leader, who then grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it into the jar. He got a quart of water into that jar before he said, "Ladies and gentlemen, the jar is now full. Can anybody tell me the lesson you can learn from this?"

An eager participant spoke up: "Well, there are gaps in your schedule. And if you really work at it, you can always fit more into your life."

"No," the leader said. "That's not the point. The point is this: if I hadn't put those big rocks in first, I would never have gotten them in."

+++++++++++++++++++++++
The story made me think about my big rocks. What are they? And what should I put in first?

My beloved, my little one and my family of course. Then comes my quilting, my reading, my travelling and maybe even my writing. Self improvement also comes in first. I want to be the best person I can be, who is happy, contented and connected. Intellectual development and personal growth. And achieving my dreams and goals.

To have financial independence, to have the house of my dream, to travel all the time to different places, new and old, and to love and be loved. To be an inspiration to my child and at the same time have the capability to inspire her to be the best person she can be in her life. To support her to achieve her full potential.

And my darling, we didn't name you our hope for nothing. We hope that you will achieve better things than we can and go to places we haven't been, even if it is the moon.

I always want you to know that we love you and will always believe in you.

++++++++++++++++++++

I brought some wonderful books back from Dubai. Will have to blog about my Dubai trip at a later time. Although the trip was very short, I am very grateful that I have a wonderful and understanding DH who supports me in my interest.

I do digress. I am reading Weekend Life Coach by Lynda Field and oh boy, she is opening some doors for me.

Affirmation

2008-02-26T15:50:00.002+03:00

I give myself permission to speak my truth. I allow myself to prosper so that I manifest everything I need, financially, spiritually, physically and emotionally.

And so it is.

******************

Back from Dubai. Recharges, rejuvenated and inspired. Have been sewing furiously for my Challenge Quilt and my demo.

Freedom

2008-02-18T14:58:00.003+03:00

Some keynotes from today's class that I would like to remember:

Forgiveness is the key to freedom, "Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?"

Perhaps it may be obvious to other people but the coin just dropped on me when I read those words today. Sometimes I feel compelled to correct people or I carry some sort of nagging resentment about some one (or two) about an (unkind) remark being made about me which I thought was not true.

Now I just have to remind myself to forgive them for their ignorance. It is not as important for me to set them right as it is to make myself happy.

With that I am freeing myself from any sort of imagined eyes on my backs. I will no longer care what people think or say of me. What is important is that I am true to myself and that god knows I am being truthful to myself.

I want to be happy. Happy with myself, happy with my life and contented with all that Allah has given me. I will not allow those words come creeping to get me. If the words do come, I will acknowledge them and then set them free again.

I will not criticize others and in turn, I will not criticize me.

+++++++++++++++++++++

I reaaally need to pack and plan my trip for Dubai! I am determined to have a very good time there! And I hope I will give The Little One some wonderful and new experiences! I am excited!

Generosity of neighbours

2008-02-14T00:28:00.002+03:00

I walked as fast as I could to the store. The mission, to get 12 cubes of chicken stock. Of course they had absolutely no chicken stock cubes at the store. Passed by 2 neighbours, said brief hellos.

"She looks like a woman on a mission to me," remarked D.

"Yes well I went to get some chicken cube stocks but of course the store had none. I'm just having some company over and needed to make chicken rice."
"Tell you what, why don't you drop by and see if I have some."
Errrr, surely its embarrassing to be usurping your neighbors supply of chicken stock?

But I really want this chicken rice so why not.

We walked briskly to D's house. Pop into her larder and Wallah! I wiped out 8 of her chicken cube stocks!

I was just so touched by her generosity! I couldn't even thank her enough!

"Enjoy them" was all she said.

Note to self: I must get her something nice!

++++++++++++++++

The following day, on our way home back from school, we dropped by M's house to say hello. M is The Little One's best friend in school.

M has been suffering from some fever.

Her mum answered the door and told us that M was much better, thanks very much for asking. She was sleeping at that very moment and we would be seeing her for Kindermusik class the next day.

Just as we were about to leave, M's mum asked me if I would like a box of truffles. She knew I liked the truffles because she had offered them to me previously and I had confessed my weakness for truffles. These are Belgian Cocoa dusted chocolate truffles from Marks and Spencers no less! And apparently M's mum and dad didn't want them anymore!

Sheepishly I agreed to accept them. I didn't know what else to say except thank you!

Note to self: Need to get something nice either for M or M's parents.

What did I do to deserve such generosities? I am just so touched by other people's kindness to me.

Dear Allah, thank you so much for the generosity of my kind neighbors. Thank you for putting me in an environment surrounded by kind and generous people. I hope that I can be a kind and generous neighbor to my neighbors too.

Gong Xi Fa Cai

2008-02-12T22:19:00.000+03:00

Being far away from home, I am always so grateful that I have friends who consider me family. We were invited to a Chinese New Year lunch. Although I am genetically 50% Chinese, I do not know the Chinese customs or culture as much as my genetic make up. What I know are bits and pieces here and there offered by various friends, neighbours and colleagues.

To my pleasant surprise my Little One received many handsome red packets. I am ashamed to say that I didn't prepare any red packets for the other little ones. Note to self, please prepare some for next year if I do get invited again.

I even received a New Year present, a set of four soup bowls with a red packet inside.

I don't know what I did to deserve the wonderful people I have around me who are always generous towards me and my family. I hope they will always stay with me and enrich me.

If I am doing something right that endear me to them, I hope I will be able to continue to do so.

Thank you Allah, for the wonderful people you put around me. And for the enriching environment you allow me to experience. I hope I will be able to grow to be a better person all the time.

Taking responsibility for yourself

2008-02-04T15:34:00.000+03:00

When the words were uttered, I had the greatest urge to write them down. To write them down quickly and clearly because I didn't want to lose them.

"Taking responsibility for yourself."

Some people believe that things happen to them. Others believe, things happen because they made it happen through their thoughts and behaviour.

I have always believed in free will. Don't get me wrong, I believe in predestination as well. Somethings are predestined but how you react to them, what you do are all up to your free will.

I will now watch my words because where words go, energy flow and that goes the same to my thoughts, where my thoughts flow, that is where the energy is directed to flow.

I will remember to be gentle and nurtuting to myself and to others around me.

Because I am solid gold inside, I will be able to do what I put my mind to do.

From today onwards, I have to start cleaning out my clutter inside. It will be tough and I have many issues to deal with. I know I can and I will. So here starts my journey of self discovery.

Energy

2008-02-03T09:31:00.000+03:00

I have always prided myself in being adaptable and being open to learning new things. And I have been lucky enough to hangout with friends new or old who taught me a thing or two about life, its challenges and different ways of looking at something.

Tomorrow I will start learning about Reiki and self healing. I know, I know, what stress could I have being a homemaker and stay at home mum? Not being a corporate ladder management etc?

With the arrival of The Little One and her traumatizing beginnings with conventional medicine, I have decided to seek alternative therapies. I have to say that I haven't been brave enough to forgo innoculations altogether. In fact I have to admit that I could not get satisfactory advice on the alternative that I continued with the jabs. I am now looking into homeopathy as an alternative to conventional medicine and has found it effective for The Little One. It is somewhat challenging because I had to import my own medicine and depend on books rather than the consultation of a homeopath.

So tomorrow I look forward to a different sort of alternative therapy.

My child, if you only knew, what I do, the books I buy and read, the food I get, the toys, everything is the best for you. Know that you are loved by everyone around you.

Cheer up!

2008-01-30T17:13:00.000+03:00

The door bell rang at 830 am. Its a bit early I thought. Could it be the maid? When I didn't hear the door being opened I quickly made my way downstairs.

When I opened the door, I found the compound driver holding a plastic bag. I recognize the contents in the bag.

"Madam, your friend from XYZ compound send this one for you."

I graciously said thank you and closed the door.

The Little One was awakened by the door bell. She had been suffering from fever and flu for the past week. She missed all three days of school. I had to forgo my Yoga and quilting classes. The joys of motherhood. She was a little teary eyed.

"Look what Auntie Ev@ sent for you."

She smiled and proceeded to explore the barn and the animals. She made some animal sounds. All is well again.

She even requested to bring the cows to Kindermusik class.

Dear Allah, I am so grateful that I have considerate and wonderful friends who can really make my day and spoil my child. I am just so touched that they think of and for me and my child. The generosity of my friends often humble me.

Visitors to our home often remarked that she has a lot of toys. What can I say, the people around her just spoil her!

For you my dear, may you always lead a blessed life full of abundance. May you always be loved by everyone around you. May you grow to be a sensible, humble, generous, independent and considerate person. May you always be surrounded by people who will care for you, just as they do now.

She likes school!

2008-01-22T11:32:00.000+03:00

I am happy to announce that my Little One now enjoys school! She stopped crying when I dropped her off this week and even walked in willingly to greet her teacher. My DH was so amazed when he dropped The Little One in school this morning because she walked in all by herself without saying good bye to him.

I am also so grateful that we have a wonderful Kindermusik session going on. The Little One goes on Wednesdays with me and she seems to be enjoying the sessions tremendously. In fact she often asks, "Where is teacher Hanna?"

So much so I have started to sew again and have some time to myself. My schedule is packed jammed full that I just sometimes forget to stop and do nothing! Saturday mornings are for the shopping bus, Sunday for box making/quilting, Monday for Reiki, Tuesdays for Yoga and Wednesdays for Kindermusik. And I have the Guild once a month and Tuesday evenings for Quilting again.

I am so grateful for the full ane enriching life I have and a daughter who is growing into a brilliant gem as each day passes by.

Finishing up

2008-01-22T03:19:00.000+03:00

To finish up my entry about the day before, naturally since I normally brought some sort of refreshment and hot water, the water cooler in the hall was empty. They knew I didn't bring any! Thank God there were other generous ladies who brought all sorts of delicious refreshments.

My DH who was suppose to pick me up, picked me up at the wrong location. SO I waited in the dark, luckily not too long though, just about 20 mins or so. Allowed me some time to browse through the library books I borrowed. Gave me an idea of what I could do.

Yesterday

2008-01-21T09:12:00.001+03:00

Yesterday was one of those days I felt like I was on the treadmill all day. The morning went on well enough, I sent The Little One to school. It started going wrong when a mother remarked, "Where are your shoes Little One?"

I looked at her feet and to my horror I forgot to put her shoes on! I am ashamed to confess that it wasn't the first time I sent her off to school without shoes. Somehow just getting her and myself out of the door becomes such a big thing and I kicked myself mentally for not preparing everything in advance the day before.

After I said goodbye to the kind mother, ushered The Little One into school I walked home as fast as I could to fetch her shoes. No wonder I missed them! The shoes were not on the shoe rack but apparently assumed a life of its own and walked itself under the dining table under the kitchen!

I must have thought the shoes were on her because it was not at its usual spot by the door!

So I dashed as fast as I could back to school and dashed as quickly back as possible. I was determined to sew this morning. I have 3 deadlines to meet. Err actually 4 now come to think of it and I don't seem to have enough hours in the day to sew. I used to be able to wake up in the middle of the night to sew but seemed to have lost all energy and slept like a log the past week. Even though my husband can vouch that I slept for the full 8 hours it felt like I slept for just 5 mins and suddenly night turned into day.

So I checked my emails. Answered whatever I could and then started sewing. Of course I am working on 4 projects simultaneously so I am spoilt for choice! I decided to work on my crumbs quilts then remembered that I may want to change my presentation and therefore need to prepare new props/display. Started looking at fabrics. Put the new fabrics I bought in the wash. Ironed those already washed to be filed away. And my alarm rang. It was 11:30am.

Since I am determined to try and feed my daughter better I decided I was going to cook for her vegetable congee. So I quickly cooked it up and ran over to her school to fetch her.

There goes my morning.

We decided that perhaps her good friend M may want to come over to play with my Little One. M's mum was saying that all M ever asks for is "Ami" her name for my Little One. So the kids played. First at M's place then at our place. It was almost 2:30 pm then and we decided that its time to put the Little Ones to bed fo their nap.

I took a short nap with The Little One, about 15 mins or so and woke up. Managed to creep away without her waking up, went to the PC, checked my emails. Saw a friend got online. Chatted with her for awhile. Realizing it was almost 4 pm I excused myself and went downstairs to start cooking dinner.

Managed to put the pan on the stove, brown some onions and guess who woke up? She was all cranky too! So there I was trying to pacify a child and cook at the same time! And then "dING dONG!" A neighbour came by!

It has to be one of those days! I looked at the clock and told myself its OK I have 1 hr to cook, chat, prepare myself and my things for the Guild. But conversation was so good the minutes flew by in a flash and before I knew it I got a call from the friend who I was getting a ride from and she had already left her house.

So I ran round like a headless chicken picking up bits here and there beating myself for not preparing all the stuff earlier. Called the gate for a golf cart, jumped in the car and off we went to the location.

Have to stop here now because I want to catch the Limo for a coffee morning.

Another day and another rush!

Name analysis

2008-01-20T09:23:00.000+03:00

Thanks to Elisa, I too decided to plug in my name to see what the test generates:

What My Name Means

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.
You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.
You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.
People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings.
You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun.
Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

All I can say is the bits I highlighted above does decribe me to a T. I guess I am what my name makes of me?

They are predicting snow and I am stressed

2008-01-14T22:22:00.000+03:00

Its freezing cold here! I took out my trusty winter jacket. I love him for letting me get the nice jacket last year. And it was still freezing under the jacket!

I still refuse to turn on the heater. I don't like heaters because they make me feel like I have a sore throat when I wake up in the morning.

For someone who loves cold weather to complain that its cold, you'd have to believe me its been cold. SO cold they are predicting snow! We shall wait and see.

+++++++++++++++++++

I am a bit stressed because of my prior commitment. I had volunteered my services to do a quilting demonstration. I have committed myself to the function and now I am having cold feet. I am beginning to second doubt myself. In fact I am undecided if I want to do a fence rail demonstration or hidden wells. Does it matter?

I need a board to put my demo up. I need to do a new worksheet.

Community spirit Joy? I think not. I was just suffering from temporary insanity when I offered and I was too proud to say errr I don't think I can do it anymore there after.

Also I am wrecking my brain with what I will demo on for the Guild. I like being in the company of quilters because I learn so much from the ladies! And its my turn to share with them, what I know. What do I know?

Stress!

I have 5 mins

2007-12-26T13:33:00.000+03:00

She opened her eyes and uttered, " Sea, sand.... friend."

Were you dreaming of the beach darling? When you were playing with the sand?

We just came back from a short trip to D@ha, Q@tar. We spend Friday at The Four Seasons for brunch and a quick sit down at the private beach. Obviously the 30 mins we spent there had a great impression on The Little One. She had found 2 buckets and a spade by the seats and attacked the sand with such gusto, shovelling the sand into the buckets. When the buckets were full, she overturned them and started over again. It looked like it was so much fun that another girl decided to join her. She asked her mother in Arabic pointing to The Little One and I encouraged her to play.

I encouraged The Little One to share her bucket and spade.

Is that what you dreamed about darling? The friend you made at the beach in Doha?

I hope your life will be filled with more memorable moments.

**********************************
I have to salute those mothers with multiple children who handles motherhood like a breeze.

I however am trying to cram laundry, lunch, surfing and TV all in one go. Because The Little One is finally sleeping. She missed her nap yesterday and at the end of the day I was so exhausted, I slept at 9 pm. It doesn't help that I gave the help time off. How other mothers survive without help is just beyond me. Kudos to them.

The Little One's birthday is 4 days away and I have decided that this year we will not have a party. I am crap at organizing parties and at the end of the day she received so many toys, some of which I have begun to give away.

I have to say that I am so thankful for The Little One's fortune. She seems to receive gifts throughout the year and at this time of the year she gets the most fabulous gifts from friends and neighbours. I am truly grateful to them for their kind thoughts. I am amazed how many people think of and for her. I hope her good fortune will continue throughout her life, may she always be loved by everyone around her and may her life will always be in abundance.

OK so no party but as parents we have decided that we are on a mission to create happy childhood memories. That little brain is like a magic sponge now. She remembers too clearly the boat ride she took in Langkawi with Wan, Atuk, Umi, Abah, Kak Nayli, mummy, Daddy and Uncle Ajud. The boat ride was the best money we paid out for.

I know I have been digressing. Truth is I still don't know what to do!

Anyways plans are what we have for next year. How many will materialize? We'll see.

Ummi Happy?

2007-12-16T11:02:00.000+03:00

On my journey of motherhood I sometimes encounter rocky roads but often time the joy of the journey surprises me out of no where.

I was trying to put The Little One down for a nap yesterday but it wasn't easy. Partly my fault really. I blame it on Mr Krispy Kreme. But anyways, as she was lying down beside me, I said, "You will be the happiest girl in the world and may your life always be filled with happiness."

The Little One with her bright eyes stopped suckling and asked me, "Ummi happy?"

"Yes," I answered.

"Abah happy?" she asked.

"Yes," I answered.

"Little One happy?" I asked her.

"Little One happy," she answered.

She closed her eyes and drifted to sleep.

Does she really know what happy means or is she just emulating me? Can she really grasp the concept of happiness?

Over the past couple of months she has surprised me so much. She knows what she likes or not like with "Not nice." Or what she wants.

Many people have told me that she speaks well. But I didn't think it was extraordinary. According to the BabyCenter she is just right smack on top developmentally. But seriously some words that do come out does sometimes surprise me. It shouldn't really with all the reading and talking I have done with her. Its no different than watching my papaya tree grow in my backyard. I put the seed in the soil with great hope and when the seed grew into a tree, I was pleasantly surprised yet anxious that the tree will bear fruit. Not just any fruit but edible fruits.

So I have to tend both The Little One and papaya tree with great care. Not to pat my back too soon. And continue to persevere. On both good days and bad days.

I've been so busy the past month with my new career. Sometimes I feel I really have to make difficult choices, time for myself or time for my Little One. Do I send her out so I can work, sew, surf, read or do research? Or do I spend my time tending her, enriching her, showering her with love and attention.

I am so torn some days. Torn between my tendency to over commit myself and my desire to enrich my Little Ones's Life. I know its not necessarily one or the other but somedays it feels that way.

I haven't been able to quilt for the past 2 months now. I do miss it a lot and deadlines are looming. But here I am blogging again.

The past month has been so hectic for me and some days I feel I can hardly breathe. I do realize that I am so lucky to be this busy. Many in my shoes are languishing with boredom. Prioritizing became a priority for me. Some invites I had to decline. Some meetings I just cannot arrange and some emails I could not reply. Friends might just find me flaky but at least I am honest to myself. I must learn to decline more.

More importantly, I concentrate on things and people that make ME happy.

I want to remember, that yesterday The Little One, MY Little One asked me if I was happy. And I told her I was.

I am happy.

And Darlings you bring the joy in my life.

Thank you

2007-12-01T23:49:00.000+03:00

I would like to thank my friends who took the effort to meet up with us when we were back for holidays. And I would like to apologize to those who we didn't get to meet. Time is such a precious commodity on such trips and this being Hari Raya meant we had to divide time between family, friends and relatives not to mention AM's enrichment classes and shopping!

But I have to say that I was very extremely touched by the splendid four who met up with us the night before we flew out. You know who you and and I lap yew! Seriously! Satay never tasted better! I thought I was so over with Satay Hj Samuri but the company made me hungry ;) Your entertaining stories plus the air kelapa was just so fabulous! It was so good to relive old times! Rasa macam zaman dating-dating dulu despite the sleeping child strapped to my chest.

I always feel guilty that I am horrible at keeping in touch. But you guys really are what friendship is all about. Not even time nor distance can break friendships. Sometimes I really do miss the good old days!

Yes I am back here to my "normal" life. Sometimes I am just too tired of making new friends or the need to conform. Hanging out with you made me feel so comfortable and so relieved that I can just be me, the old me.

Adoii mushy plaks ni! OK lain kali taun depan kita jumpa lagi ta kisahlah berempat atau berlapan :)

Thank you guys! I am so lucky I have friends like you!

Why do I commit myself to these things?

2007-11-30T14:58:00.000+03:00

Here I am blogging when I am suppose to sew 13 tails. Tails? Yes Tails for some mice. Holiday mice. I have no idea where to start or how the tails will look like except it will be between 30 cm to 40 cm in length.

I actually feel somewhat pressured to do this right. I had a nightmare about it 2 days ago!

Why did I volunteer myself to this? I don't know! Apparently I have also volunteered to help set up a website to provide info about living in this city. On top of that I am suppose to update the Guild website which I haven't done. I have said that I will redesign the banner, again I have not done yet.

And I have to start sewing my Challenge quilt which is due in March. I have not touched my sewing machine since it failed to sew the other day. I spent 3 days looking for the manual.

I could start sewing The Little One's memory quilt project. I plan to use her old clothes to make them into a quilt. Maybe if I give up, I may just give those clothes away.

I could properly unpack and put the clothes away instead of chucking them at a corner.

I could declutter by packing away my old and unwanted clothes since I bought a whole bunch this trip.

Not to mention I am suppose to prepare lessons for my students next week. I have yet to find my hole puncher! Its been a week so I'm giving up. Will be buying a new hole puncher as soon as I can possibly drag HIM to the Mall. I so know that I am so going to find my old hole puncher as soon as I buy the new one!

And what do I do? I blog!

Sometimes I miss the other home

2007-11-30T01:50:00.000+03:00

Its almost 2 weeks now since we came back and I have been so busy. I've started teaching again. At first reluctantly because I am somewhat rusty but somehow its all coming back to me now. It helps that the rate is pretty good. I do feel guilty when I have to send The Little One away though. All my other projects have come to a standstill because all my free time is spent searching for teaching materials.

Although we have just only came back, I cannot help feeling somewhat envious when I hear of friends and neighbors going away for the Dec holidays. I seem to remember all too clearly our holiday last year. But we are somewhat skint. I had too much fun during the last trip. It didn't help that the USD went to an all time low.

We will probably go away somewhere during the holidays. The plans are not yet confirmed.

Until then I will keep a hope upon hope and a wish that we would get free tickets home.

Whats the likelihood of that?

Obsessive?

2007-10-18T21:50:00.000+03:00

Just to prove that some things have changed for me, my priority was to enroll The Little One into KinderMusik and Gymboree over visiting friends and shopping. I do like my friends and yes I miss them but some how it was very important for me that The Little One is stimulated with something different and enriching.

And boy was I so quickly rewarded. I could see the change in her. We went for a Kindermusik trial session today and she enjoyed herself very much and I was suitably impressed. The teacher was very engaging and each child had his/her own individual minutes with the teacher. The Little One did not stick to me like glue. She explored her environment and went forward to the teacher asking for the different equipment. Everything was so new and so different to her. She was truly exploring her environment. In fact I often had to call her to come back to me because she was so excited she wanted to stand in front of the teacher.

I must say that I am very pleased. So much so I have commited the remaining weekdays here to more sessions. I even signed up for membership and bought whatever curiculum they were willing to sell to me. I do look forward to have some sessions with her at home.

I am guessing she is missing her toys and books. She was really concentrating on the toys in Starbucks just now and even asked for a book which she happily read to herself.

Its days like these that often makes me wonder how worthwhile is it for us to stay there. But I do realize more than anything that we can afford whatever it is we're affording here because we live there. Although with the current currency exchange our spending power is quickly diminishing.

I forgot how incredibly expensive Singapore is until today. But we're having a blast! Thats the most important thing I guess.

Aidilfitri

2007-10-13T12:16:00.000+03:00

I'm off to Malaysia and Singapore for Eid. Wishing everyone Eid Mubarak.

I would like to apologize for my short comings and may Allah bless us all to good days ahead.

Mothers Against Untrained Teachers I

2007-10-02T11:37:00.000+03:00

When I thought that I would have more time for myself once The Little One is in school, boy was I so wrong!

Apparently at least 4 other mothers are upset with how the things are in school. I was invited to a meeting with them to discuss the school.

Because my Little One was crying so much the first two weeks, I had to spend some days with her there and could see how the school was run. Which made me quite angry really. Because what I saw was more of a babysitting service rather than a nursery. For AM's class there was no teacher, just two helpers. They spend the first 45 mins with freeplay with the toys downstairs. And then they are made to go upstairs to their "classrooms" which had proper tables and chairs. With AM's class they were given crayons to color, or puzzles to play with. There were about 4 object picture books in the class, no story books. And then there was "PE" where they were told to play and the Skate Park, an underground playground about 5 minutes walk away in then 42oC. What's the point in that when parents could themselves bring the children there after school? They should have water play or be making more crafts! Or even have a story read to them.

More alarmingly were the stories the other mothers were sharing with me. The boys were in 2 different "classes" then my Little One. They came home using the word "Stupid" either among themselves or their helper. Its a reflection the children have in school really. Either the teacher has used it on a child or have not stopped the children from using the word.

So we discuss our strategy on approaching the owner of the school. We have to make sure we are constructive. The owner, SH, has been described as a brick wall. Not a person normally associated with running a pre school. We would wish for someone with a lot more smiles, enthusiasm, passion for children and creativity. From what she tells us her background is teaching 11 grade science. So we listed some changes we would like to see, for example, we don't want the 2 year old children spending time in a classroom learning to write with a helper holding their hand and practically writing for them. Alphabet recognition is nice but not really necessary. Basically we want to see our children have more fun. Do more crafts. Read more. And improve their quality of play. Surely its not too much to ask?

Especially since we're paying a handsome sum for them to go there. It costs us $60 a day (in local currency) plus $500 registration fee. For the Little One who goes 3 times a week, it costs us $720 a month. For the children 2 and above who goes everyday, their parents pay $1,200 per child. Quite expensive for a babysitting service surely! Its about time we get some value for our money or we'll bring our business elsewhere!

There is a lack of flexibility in term's of a parent's choice in the nursery. For example, I had planned on sending my Little One just once a week and gradually increase her time there once she has settled in. But SH promptly told me that for her age group, its 3 times a week, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. There was no room for negotiation.

SO today is our third meeting. We decided to discuss our approach first before meeting her in the afternoon. Wish us luck! I will keep my thinking positive and I hope that SH will take our suggestions on board.

Failing which MAUT may come up with Plan B.

School week 3

2007-09-26T07:36:00.000+03:00

After 9 days of being in nursery, The Little One is finally settling in. Slowly.

The school owner finally realized that she needed to be distracted with crafts or activities so that she would forget to cry.

Surely any trained early childhood education practitioner would have known that. But I have decided to keep my gripe about the school and its untrained staff separate from my quest to get The Little One used to the idea of going to school.

I am happy with her progress. DH who drops The Little One to school tells me she still cries when he leaves her. But at least I don't have to accompany her in school. The school owner says she cries on and off. She stops crying when its time they did some craft, even though they felt the craft activity may be too advance for her but she seemed to like it. Not surprising since we have been doing those activities at home.

I tried a combination of bribery (Ice cream for breakfast and cookies in her lunch box,) stickers as positive reinforcement and homeopathy and Bach flowers remedy. Pulsatilla seems to help ease the transition and Bach rescue remedy pastilles as a treat on her way to school. And prayers of course! Lots of prayers, morning, midmorning, day and night!

Already I have seen many changes in her. She is getting stronger physically, gaining better control of her motor skills. She can climb the stairs to the slide all by herself. She knows the difference between pull and push. One afternoon, while having lunch, she was making airplane noises while putting cookies in her mouth. I was surprised when she proclaimed, "Eplane!" to me.

While looking at pictures, she pointed "C!" to me. Then I realized that she is pointing to the sea. It was a picture that Elisa (or was it Taufik?) had taken for us in Kh0b@r with the background of the sea. How does she know these things? I guess she has been taking notes all along.

On the other hand she has perfected the art of fake crying. She does it to get my attention. Something that she didn't use so much. She sometimes give up a high pitch cry to get attention. Perhaps its something that she realize works in attracting attention. I have tried to ignore the behavior hoping that she would not be screaming so much.

She is constantly testing her boundaries. When I tell her that a behavior is unacceptable, trying out different variations to make sure that they are all not acceptable or if she could get away with anything at all.

She can ask for "Ice cream" quite clearly and "gogurt" (yogurt). Her current favorite food is "mush-room" and "bisket" (biscuit.)

I wish that the school would be more stimulating but unless trained staff are employed I don't think it would happen overnight. On the other hand, the opportunity for her to interact with other children some old and some younger than her is quite valuable. And that she understands that she could have some fun without mummy being beside her.

The only thing that makes me a little nervous is that in 2 weeks we're scheduled to go away for a month long holiday, and I hope we don't have to start the adjustment period all over again from scratch.