Its a tussle

I am still struggling. With my tudung that is.

For the longest time I refused to wear it.

Well, it was more like I felt disinclined to wear it.

And some people, namely my dad, my aunt and uncles did ask me when I was going to wear it.

When my husband proposed to me, I made him promise to me that he will not force me to wear it after we get married and I will only wear it when I feel I am ready for it.

And now I am almost ready for it.

You'd think its easier to wear it here. Almost a rule to wear it even, but where I live, headscarfs are banned from the public areas. Only Western clothes are allowed.

But sometimes I feel embarrassed. I don't want people to judge me differently because I am wearing a scarf. I don't know how my friends will react to me when they see me wearing one.

At a do over the weekend, I was told "S cantiklah pakai tudung." Thank you for that comment. But I didn't wear it to be praised. I was embarrassed almost that the remark was made.

Amongst other comments I received was, "You look very religious wearing a scarf." Hmmmmm I don't know how to react to that. Am I as religious as I look?

I don't have that many scarfs and suddenly there is a need for those that match the colours of my outfit. They sell mainly black ones here and yes I have about 10 black ones. Ask any woman, its not enough. I have cotton ones, chiffon ones, beaded ones, extra wide ones that can cover my face, embroidered ones, sequin ones, woolen ones, pashina ones; you get the drift. But they are all black. I now need to add colour to my scarf collection.

I don't want to look like I have a table cloth on my head.

It is rather obvious that I am unaccustomed to the scarf. I am seen retying it, readjusting it, reshaping it every other 10 minutes.

I recognize I need some practice, that and all sorts of accessories.

Mini scarfs to hold the hair in. Or those that hold the hair back and prevents the outer scarf from slipping. Brooches, pins, clips, hair bands.

I did spend a handsome some on my last haircut. Its a shame that I have to hide it under a scarf.

Its a tussle between me and my vanity. And me and my ever slipping scarf. I sometimes feel my scarf has a mind of its own and tries to runaway from me, perhaps even in shame, because I do not know how to wear the scarf well.

How many ways are there to tie a scarf? How does one coordinate the scarf and one's dress? What is the rule of thumb between the number of scarfs one owns to the rest of one's accessories? Why do I get holes in my scarf when I use pins? How can i use a mini scarf without it hurting my ears!

And I have become slightly deaf when I wear a scarf. I kept asking people to repeat what they were saying because there was three layers of materials covering my ears.

I need a scarf-fashion-non-slip-guide. Help!