Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Hello, I am a pushover .....

What if you met a new “friend” and that “friend” annoys the hell out of you?

Do you:
a) Tell them exactly what you think? (*#% Off! I am not one of your daughters for you to mother!)
b) Be really polite and take as much as you can when you have to.
c) Stay away, don’t call and try to avoid meeting/phonecalls whenever possible.
d) Move away to another country

Yes yes, its true, I am sometimes a pushover. I am a pushover out of politeness to people. I would like to be a grateful person, a considerate person, a polite person and a forgiving person. And because of that, I am a pushover.

But sometimes its goddamned hard!

As you already know I moved to a new city recently. And with a new city comes the prospect of making new acquaintances and new friends. Sometimes you meet people who are well meaning, they know you are new to the city and they want to show the ropes to you. I do welcome this myself but only to a certain extend.

I am inherently a loner. I like lots of personal space. I am comfortable with my own company as long as I have the internet, my books, my airconditioned rooms and my loved one.

I do appreciate friends and my experience has taught me that friends come and go over the years, its only the good ones that stay. I do have a few friends. I don’t have a lot, just a few. People who I genuinely care about. If they regard me as a friend, I am happy, if not, c’est la vie.

But this new acquaintance, unfortunately, I feel is stifling me. I have not yet regarded her as a friend as I am partly by nature a suspicious person and also a private person. Thus I do not appreciate people who impose themselves onto me. Especially when I feel that I am being preached upon or judgement is being made about me, when I feel the person does not know me, where I am coming from and what I am about. I do not expect people who know what I am about all at once, but please, do not tell me what I should or should not do. I do not tell my whole life history in one sitting. I only share my real thoughts with someone when I think I can trust them and when I am comfortable with them and all that takes times.

Why am I writing about this? Because I am a little upset. I feel that my space has been invaded and thus I react my moving farther away.

But I have to be polite still. I need to show some gratitude for the kindness that she has shown me. But sometimes I just do feel like telling her to mind her own business and run her own life, not mine.

I understand that she is merely trying to be helpful and yes I appreciate that. But I still need to breathe.

May Allah make me a stronger, patient and nicer person. I don’t want to be unkind or ungrateful.

I just like my space.

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