Friday, December 26, 2008

A mother's journey

Upon arrival at Changi airport, The Little One remarked, "Mummy, there are lots of people that look like Mark."

"That is true honey. Thats because we are in Singapore."

I suppose living most of her life in the middle east, she hasn't seen that many Chinese looking people in any one location. I wonder if Mark will be flattered that Amalina chose to identify him as quintessentially Singaporean.


Last night when we reached home, she declared. "Mama, sometimes when someone leaves me, I'm a little bit sad."

Even though I was trying to prepare for bedtime, I had to stop and give her a moment.

"Why are you sad?"
"Because uncle Ariffin left me so I'm sad. I want to call my daddy to tell him I am sad."

Ariffin is my youngest brother who had gone to the zoo with her yesterday. I guess she must have enjoyed his company a lot.

What does a mother say about these things? There are no manuals for me to refer to.

So I offered, "Darling, its OK to be sad sometimes. The important thing is to be brave when you are sad. And tomorrow we will get to see him again."


We visited a family in bereavement yesterday, and I tried to brief her on the way just to explain what she may be seeing.

"We are going to visit somebody who has just passed away," I told her.
"Did she passed away like your Mummy?" she asked.
"Yes and this lady was her friend."

How young or how old do you explain these things to a child?

It took me a long while to explain to her what passing away means.


My child, I understand that you are trying to figure out the small jigsaw pieces that we call life. I am glad that you are sharing your curiosity with me. All I pray for is the strength and wisdom such that I can be a good companion on this journey with you.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

What my friends taught me...

That we all have our own struggles in our lives. The difference is what we make of it. Do we try to overcome it with a positive light or do we get all depressed and upset with the world? The choice is ours.

Thanks for sharing. I'll remember that as my life lesson.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

My friends inspire me and have hearts of gold

They reminded me how wonderful it is again to laugh like teenagers again. Both remembering old times when we were students chatting in front of our computers or even of stories of life present. They remind me what being mature is all about yet the importance of feeling young again.

They show me what acceptance is all about in friendship. We accept each other for whom we are, try to overlook flaws and live with it.

And the generosity of their spirit humbles me.

I am lucky that they kept me around all these years.

Thanks so much you guys! I really had a wonderful time despite having a *cold*, not having a *plan*, seeing a wonderful *perform*ance. What other words did I miss out?

I also appreciate my friends who opened their doors to me, drove a long way to meet up and bringing/cooking such wonderful and delicious fare.

I just can't say more except thank you, thank you and thank you. Thank you for your generosity towards me, I really do appreciate it.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

I'm suppose to be packing but I am procrastinating

I leave tomorrow night. I have two opened suitcases, half empty, half full. One is half empty because I haven't finished unpacking from my latest Bahrain trip. The other is half full, because I have filled them with some gifts, bric-a-bracs I have gathered as gifts to bring home.

Its so easy for me to get sidetracked somehow. While trying to pack underwear for the trip, I decided to clear out the drawer of old underwear I haven't used for a long time or those that are ready to retire. Can't explain this further except I had a great satisfaction in pulling out those old things and throwing them out. Gave me a sense of freedom. Afterall I've just been buying new ones and not throwing out the old ones making it very hard to open and close that drawer. My excuse was lack of time.

Instead of going back to packing, I inspired my DH to clear our his closet too, of clothes that no longer fit or should no longer be worn. We did quite well I have to say.

I have decided that I will throw out my old clothes that don't make me look good or don't look good on me. The past three years I didn't have time to look after myself or how I look. I wore clothes that was comfortable rather than flattering. Somedays I didn't even have time to comb my hair let alone look at myself in the mirror.

And shopping here doesn't help either. Without a changing room to try the clothes I sometimes end up keeping some clothes that fit but don't look too great on me because I couldn't be bothered to return to the Mall the nth time to change the clothes.

So my job offer came to me at the most opportune moment. Just as I decided I am ready to be a person again and not just a mother and a wife, the offer came. Work somehow gave me the a reason to revisit my old life in terms of wearing my old office clothes again. Clothes haven't been worn much since I got here. Clothes that represented my old life, life before motherhood. [And not just the clothes, I get to use my brain again, as well as my old skills, some have been rusty.]

Anyways I am digressing. I'm thinking about clothes because I am not sure what to pack. I realize that I have different clothes for different occasion and different places. Some clothes that I am most comfortable with in London would not be suitable in KL. Some clothes I wear here wouldn't do back home. Afterall I have been going to the Mall with my pajamas under my abaya! My clothes needn't be matching since no one else was going to see them right?

I found some clothes I bought on trips back home and never used it since I got back here. I think I will be packing those and if I don't wear them this trip either, perhaps its a good reason to get rid of them!

Somehow it just occur to me that perhaps I am a chameleon. I have a different clothes (appearance/roles) for different people and different location? Am I inconsistent or do I just try to fit in with the location/situation?

So much so for a short entry before packing! Thats food for thought on a different day coz I'd better go back to packing. Whatever it is I am grateful that I have the opportunity to try out different things, live and travel at different places. Thank you God, thank you for all the opportunities that you have presented me with! There should be no room in my life for complains but rather lots to be grateful about!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Joys of motherhood

Being a first time mum, away from my immediate family members and without the direction of my mum to consult, my road to motherhood has been partially trial and error and partially research from books and the Internet. I have Google to be thankful for, without it there would have been many more trips to the Doctors or the Emergency Room.

For instance the first time The Little One had nosebleed. Not knowing it was merely nosebleed, I panicked when I woke up with blood on the pillow cases and duvet cover. Woke up my DH who also panicked and agreed to drive us to the Emergency Room.

When we arrived, the male nurse asked, "Did your child fall?"
"Any fever?"
"Did she hit her head somewhere?"
"Can I see her fingers?"
"Sure." (Wandering if some diseases could be diagnosed by looking at finger.)
"Its just nosebleed as she digs her nose."
"Oh! Thank you!" we cried, so relieved that it was not some sort of terminal disease

Experience has made us wiser after that. I stocked myself up with some books that I can refer to and to educate me on what could ail my child. I also developed an interest on homeopathy which sometimes prove to be very useful.

However preschool and weaning has increased my child's susceptibility to being sick. Just about a month ago all 3 of us became sick. It started with The Little One who had a ear infection, then my DH who had cough and fever that developed into Asthma. And I developed acute bronchitis. It wasn't fun the 3 of us on the bed sick and woozy but we all got better and got on with our lives.

So I thought it is all over for this season but just 3 days ago, appropriately on the morning of Eid, The Little One has fever again. This time as high as 40.4 oC. The now somewhat experienced mom does not panic as much and decided to use the suppository, left over from the last time, to bring the fever down. But it does become worrying when the fever does not subside after 3 days. Unfortunately most of the clinics are closed due to the Eid holidays so we brought them to the Emergency Room again.

This time its tonsillitis and just like the precious time, my DH seems to be affected as well. Here I am, wife and mother having to look after my babies. Appropriately timed as well as I am unprepared for my trip home in 3 days.

If anything I like to look on the positive side of things. Perhaps them being sick will make good excuse to my friends and relatives back home whom I have not had time to shop gifts for. It also gives me some time to reflect and be grateful for little things in life such as friendship for instance.

I am grateful for the friends I who has become our family. Through them I get the friendship and support I need, who reassured me and gave me pointers and shared their experiences with me. And they continue to do so without expecting anything in return and providing me with understanding and patience. Sometimes I seemed to abandon them, as I was too busy or too absorbed in my own trials and tribulations. Life just sometimes take over and time seemed to fly by and suddenly I realized that I neglected my friends.

Instead of abandoning me, they welcome me back with welcome arms, with warmth and love, whenever I do come back to them. Making me so welcomed, telling me in all sorts of ways that my company was missed. Some even offered me all sort of tips and help when they heard about my situation. And I fell so loved and so grateful that I've been blessed with wonderful friends like these around me.

Dear God, I am grateful that I have been given the opportunity to be a mother and a wife. And I am even more grateful for the wonderful friends you blessed me with. They have kept me sane, gave me all sorts of invaluable advice, not just those near me, but those who are geographically far from me but near to my heart.

My friends, you know who you are and I thank you for sharing with me your wisdom, love and friendship.

For my Little One, I hope you'll get well soon and know that you will be a much stronger person, both physically and mentally after this. Just remember to wash your hands more often and stay away from people who sneeze and cough!


I'm off to sp0re and Malays/a for 2 weeks. It will be hectic, 6 days with my in laws in KL and 5 days in Sp0re. It will be my first trip, just me and The Little One and I hope God will give me strength to survive the trip.

To my friends in KL, my driver is unable to come this trip so I will be at the mercy of my in laws when it comes to transport. If you guys can come by BB Bangi, I look forward to meeting up with you. I'm in town 16 - 22 Dec, except I may be busy on the 21 due to a cousin's wedding.

To my friends in sp0re, lets try to meet up one morning/evening together with everybody? My itinerary includes trips to Nigh safari, Zoo, Orchard Road, maybe Sentosa, Gyboree and some family obligations. Please also understand that my schedule would also be determined by the health and cooperation of my 3 year old. I'm in town 23 - 27 Dec.

I look forward to meeting up you guys! Wish me luck!

Unfortunately I do not have a local number yet, I plan to buy a new sim card when I arrive. You can text me your number to +966 lima kosong 816 three four 52 by Sunday.