Its a special day mummy!

Somehow The Little had the inkling that I was having a long weekend.

"Mummy I want to stay with you at home," she cried and she clutched on my arm.

"But darling, if you stay at home then I won't be able to send you to school," I answered.

"And you will pick me up too?" she asked.

"Of course I will," I answered.

And so she slept. She is finally sleeping in her own bed albeit its still in our room. She had requested that she wanted a Charlie and Lola bed sheet and she will sleep with Charlie and Lola.

On the bus this morning she exclaimed, "Oh mummy. Today is a special day isn't it because you are sending me to school," she commented.

"And you will fetch me from school later right?" she asked.

I sure will.

Days like this sometimes make me wonder that perhaps I should be at home with my child.

But its just 5 more weeks before summer holidays and she will be joining me in my school in August anyways.

I have to say that me getting this job is actually a rezeki for her as much as it is mine.

She has blossomed really well at her Preschool. She now recognizes some of the alphabets and all of the numbers. Her motor skills are developing well and her social skills are improving.

Because Mommy has to go to work myself my Little One recognizes that we all have "jobs" to do and schools to go to. There were many days when she was tempted to skip school (as what her best friend often does) but couldn't because there was no one else at home to look after her.

But I have to confess that I do miss my social life. There are friends whom I haven't talked to in ages. Friends whom I used to hangout with, I just see occasionally. I no longer know who my neighbours are because I no longer use the shopping bus. I haven't sewn or done anything creative in ages. I come home tired. I still have to cook and spend time with my child. Somedays I feel like I'm on the treadmill and I play catch up during the weekend for groceries etc.

However, I am very grateful that I am working because I want to, and not because I need to.

And I am grateful that I've been given this opportunity because not everyone who wants to have the same chance.

So I will spend today being grateful that I have the day off and that I can fetch my daughter from school. And be grateful tomorrow that I have a job that I love doing.

Alhamdullilah.

She is saying grass...

"Did you know that our daughter says grass in school?"

"Grass? What grass?" I muttered, caught by surprise.

"So what do you do when you say grass in school Little One?"

"We thank God for our friends and our food," she answered as she hopped around the kitchen like a bunny.

Bells were ringing a little. Some how saying grace (to us) does have a Christian connotation. Is my child being taught values of a religion which may be different from ours? So how come I didn't blink when they had Santa come to the school and I am somewhat uncomfortable that they are saying grace?

Surely it is a Muslim quality to be thankful and grateful for what we have? Isn't it why we are encouraged to say Alhamdullilah as much as we can?

So we had to ask her exactly what they say when they say grace.

"We say thank you for our friends and our food." Is that all? Anything else?

Its not that I mind her being thankful for her friends and her food. In fact I do encourage her to appreciate and be grateful for what we have.

Just last week she has begun to ask me questions like, "Can we eat pig?"

"No darling, we don't eat pork because we are Muslims."

Should we explain to her more? How much more?

I guess she is telling us it is time for us to teach her more about our faith. She understands that when we hear the prayer call, its "Solat" or time to pray and often asks to pray with us.

I am grateful that she is sent to us not only to bring us joy and strength, but also a reminder such that we can be better people ourselves.

I pray that God gives us the strength and light to teach her the best we can. Not just values of the religion but values that will build the strength of her character that will allow her to make good choices in all aspects of her life.

I would like to think that I am teaching her a world full of unity and similarities and not be afraid of diversity and differences, be it culture or religion.

My daughter, you do put me in a pickle sometimes. It is a precious gift that a person give to another when you make me want to be a better person so I can be a better example for you.

Its tough being a parent! And I am grateful for the opportunity

And most times times it is my little one who is teaching me to be a better parent!

All I want is .....

To provide the best I can, with all the information I have, for my child.

I want her to have a good stable foundation and grounding for her future.

I do this by loving her unconditionally on beautiful days as well as on cranky days.

I try to educate myself as much as possible to equip me for this role.

I must remember that she too has her own destiny and that the Universe, our creator will take care of not just her but us as well.

I will accept that everything happens for a reason. And often enough it is revealed to me the good or the reason something happens or don't happen.

There will be many times that I may not know what to do. But I will explore all possible options and look into all avenues to see what I can do.

In the meantime I must trust that things will work out. One way or the other.

And often, the test is to see how and in what way I will react to the tribulations of life.

I promise to keep an open mind and accept whatever journeys that may come upon us and to learn in whatever way I can, either from the journey itself, from the people I may meet or the places I may see.

I am truly grateful that there are always people around me who are like my angels, who helped to light up my path, one way or another.

I like that she has brought my journey to different paths and makes me see the world and the people around me in a different light.

You make me want to be a better person. You make me want to take care of myself so I can love you better.

And that is the greatest gift anyone can give to another.

Its a huge responsibility my child, and I love you more for it.

Of a mum's guilty feelings and slings

I cannot explain what has come over me but some days I just feel guilty about not spending enough time with My Little One.

It feels like she is growing up so much each day and I often wonder if I am letting precious moments pass me by.

Did I do enough today? I do sometimes wonder.

Just the other day she gave me a hug at the skate park and declared, "Mummy I am so glad you are here with me." And somehow that just made my tiredness melt away.

She has been a little unwell and just the other day I put her in our Didymos sling again because I needed to cook dinner and she wanted to be carried. And I think she enjoyed being carried in the sling again.

My child, some days you are 3 going on 20, and on other days you remind me that you but a baby and need her mummy to pamper her.

I must say, the sling has been and still is a lifeline for me. We decided that she has outgrown the Ergo as she was complaining that they pinch her. The didymos however does spread her weight well except that the amount of fabric is sometimes inconvenient to deal with.

Dear Little One, I want you to know that I love you all day long. I love you when we are together and I love you when we are apart. And I love you even more when you are being brave!

A mother's journey

Upon arrival at Changi airport, The Little One remarked, "Mummy, there are lots of people that look like Mark."

"That is true honey. Thats because we are in Singapore."

I suppose living most of her life in the middle east, she hasn't seen that many Chinese looking people in any one location. I wonder if Mark will be flattered that Amalina chose to identify him as quintessentially Singaporean.

******************

Last night when we reached home, she declared. "Mama, sometimes when someone leaves me, I'm a little bit sad."

Even though I was trying to prepare for bedtime, I had to stop and give her a moment.

"Why are you sad?"
"Because uncle Ariffin left me so I'm sad. I want to call my daddy to tell him I am sad."

Ariffin is my youngest brother who had gone to the zoo with her yesterday. I guess she must have enjoyed his company a lot.

What does a mother say about these things? There are no manuals for me to refer to.

So I offered, "Darling, its OK to be sad sometimes. The important thing is to be brave when you are sad. And tomorrow we will get to see him again."

*********

We visited a family in bereavement yesterday, and I tried to brief her on the way just to explain what she may be seeing.

"We are going to visit somebody who has just passed away," I told her.
"Did she passed away like your Mummy?" she asked.
"Yes and this lady was her friend."

How young or how old do you explain these things to a child?

It took me a long while to explain to her what passing away means.

*******

My child, I understand that you are trying to figure out the small jigsaw pieces that we call life. I am glad that you are sharing your curiosity with me. All I pray for is the strength and wisdom such that I can be a good companion on this journey with you.