Saturday, February 28, 2009

All I want is .....

To provide the best I can, with all the information I have, for my child.

I want her to have a good stable foundation and grounding for her future.

I do this by loving her unconditionally on beautiful days as well as on cranky days.

I try to educate myself as much as possible to equip me for this role.

I must remember that she too has her own destiny and that the Universe, our creator will take care of not just her but us as well.

I will accept that everything happens for a reason. And often enough it is revealed to me the good or the reason something happens or don't happen.

There will be many times that I may not know what to do. But I will explore all possible options and look into all avenues to see what I can do.

In the meantime I must trust that things will work out. One way or the other.

And often, the test is to see how and in what way I will react to the tribulations of life.

I promise to keep an open mind and accept whatever journeys that may come upon us and to learn in whatever way I can, either from the journey itself, from the people I may meet or the places I may see.

I am truly grateful that there are always people around me who are like my angels, who helped to light up my path, one way or another.

I like that she has brought my journey to different paths and makes me see the world and the people around me in a different light.

You make me want to be a better person. You make me want to take care of myself so I can love you better.

And that is the greatest gift anyone can give to another.

Its a huge responsibility my child, and I love you more for it.

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Remembering to be grateful

The days in a week seemed to just fuse and melt away together. The weekend is filled with errands and things to do.

I was asked recently, "Why are you so busy?"

I was taken aback by the question.

"Busy right now? Because I am ordering teh tarik or being busy in general?"

Busy because I am working?

I am often surprised when others remarked to me, "Its good now that you are working, It gives you something to do so you're not bored."

Bored? Something to do?

Thing is, I was already busy even when I was not working. I always had something to do. Books to read. Blogs to read. Projects to do be it sewing or other craft related. Travel plans. Emails to write. And most importantly, raising my child. I do not believe that one can ever be bored while raising a child. There is so much to do. Meals to cook. Cakes to bake. Books to read. Activities to plan. Research to read, plan and implement.

I apologize if I cannot empathize with people who says they are bored and claims that they have nothing to do. There is always something to do. Even prayers take time and boy I have lots of prayers to do. Doesn't everyone? Irregardless what religion they are?

Of course some questions were raised before why I needed to work. For me, the opportunity came by chance, through the goodwill of friends and acquaintances to my lap. And perhaps I am one of those people who is always game to try something new and/or different. (Perhaps thats the reason I seldom have time to be bored?)

I did it both for me and my child. I needed to know that my brain still works. There were days I could not string sentences properly together. There were times I thought some brain cells were permanently lost. And I wanted my child to see that women can work too if they wanted to. And to give my child the space so that she knows she is capable of having fun without mummy around.

I've seen how she is a different person when I am not there. It made her grow up a little so to speak. She is not whinny when I'm not there. Suddenly she sees me, she goes, "Mummy please carry me."

This works for us. I may not recommend it for everyone but for the moment this works for us and I am grateful.

Of course there were many mornings I wish I could just sleep in. Or when my child is sick I wish I can tend her at home.

Whatever it is, I constantly have to remind myself as I am doing so now, is that I must always be grateful for the life Allah has given me. For the opportunities he presented to me. For the people and friends I get to meet. For the good health we have. For the happiness we enjoy. For the wonderful food on our table. For everything.

I am only human and I try to do my best with whatever I can. Its very easy to get into a complaining mode (which I initially thought I was going to do) but I must constantly remind myself, how much more wonderful it is for me to be grateful.

I am grateful that my weekends are just so fast that it seems something just pops up for us to do.

Good or bad, I am grateful.

Alhamdullilah. Alhamdullilah. Alhamdullilah.

What's on your gratitude list today?