Always for a reason

I cannot tell you how many times I walked past the bookshelf with the books, "Tuesdays with Morrie." It is something that I would normally pick up but I didn't. The time didn't feel right. The book did not call my name.

It just happened that a friend had borrowed a book from a neighbor and I was the intercessor. And the book came to me. I had a weekend when plans had to be shelved. My body seemingly tired. Sulking I buried myself in the book. And oh boy, the words just snowed me under.

If anything, it pointed out to me that I have nothing to sulk about. I have everything to celebrate about my life. And I should embrace and celebrate every minute I can before the inevitable happens.

Here are some of my favorite bits of the books which I want to remember. To remind myself every now and then because the book would have to go forth and bring wisdom to the next reader.

"Do the kinds of things that come from the heart. When you do, you won't be dissatisfied, you won't be envious, you won't be longing for somebody else's things. On the contrary, you'll be overwhelmed with what comes back." pg128

I believe in paying it forward and I believe what you put out there is what you get in return. And I always must remind myself, whatever it is i do has to be Ikhlas, or sincere. From my heart. I should not recount it later but just to cast it out to the wind and forget all about it.

"Part of the problem, Mitch, is that everyone is in such a hurry," Morrie said. "People haven't found meaning in their lives, so they're running all the time looking for it. They think the next car, the next house, the nest job. Then they find those things are empty, too, and they keep running."

Once you start running, I said, it's hard to slow yourself down. Pg 136

I must remember to slow down. To take each day as it comes and not try to rush and cram everything in all at once. Sometimes I feel bogged down by implied expectations. Implied because I know too well myself that its an expectation that I thought was expected of me.

I must remember that its OK to say no. That I don't have to say yes all the time to please other people.

To always take a moment and ask my heart, myself, do I want to do this? So that I am not constantly running on a treadmill on a road to nowhere.

If we saw each other as more alike, we might be eager to join in one big human family in this world, and to care about that family the way we care about our own. pg 156

Its Ok for me to love other people and its OK for them not to love me back. Because the love will come back to me, in other ways and avenues I can't anticipate.

There is no formula to relationships. They have to be negotiated in loving ways, with room for both parties, what they want and what they need, what they can do and what their life is like.

Love us when you are as concerned about someone else's situation as you are your own. pg 178

If not, more ...

I am grateful that the book came to me. Right to my door.

Surviving on miracles

"We'll be out of debt by the end of the month," she declared.

What's this I thought. It turned out they had to repay the bank for a loan they took out for a business plan that went bust. And all this time she never breathe a word about it.

And so I had to ask.

"How did you survive all that time your husband lost his job?"

"On miracles. We have a supportive family," was her answer.

I first met this lady about 10 years ago during a training stint in the civil service. Of course during that time I didn't realize that we would be as good friends as we are now. But looking back, all these years, I never heard her grumble. She has had many trials and tribulations in her life.

As I told another friend, we all have our own struggles in our lives. What makes it different is how we deal with those struggles.

Do we learn to grow up and deal it with maturity and grace?

Or do we sulk and begrudge others whom we think are better off than us?

Or sink in depression with a woe is me attitude?

I realize more than ever now, the true character of my friend is her strength and resolute to be happy with the life she and her husband have built for themselves. Lesser people would have let this get in the way of their lives and their marriage. But not the Ss.

Congratulations my friend. You both are an inspiration to me. May this signify a new beginning in your lives. May the new year bring you more happiness and prosperity! Good luck.

My friends inspire me and have hearts of gold

They reminded me how wonderful it is again to laugh like teenagers again. Both remembering old times when we were students chatting in front of our computers or even of stories of life present. They remind me what being mature is all about yet the importance of feeling young again.

They show me what acceptance is all about in friendship. We accept each other for whom we are, try to overlook flaws and live with it.

And the generosity of their spirit humbles me.

I am lucky that they kept me around all these years.

Thanks so much you guys! I really had a wonderful time despite having a *cold*, not having a *plan*, seeing a wonderful *perform*ance. What other words did I miss out?

I also appreciate my friends who opened their doors to me, drove a long way to meet up and bringing/cooking such wonderful and delicious fare.

I just can't say more except thank you, thank you and thank you. Thank you for your generosity towards me, I really do appreciate it.

Joys of motherhood

Being a first time mum, away from my immediate family members and without the direction of my mum to consult, my road to motherhood has been partially trial and error and partially research from books and the Internet. I have Google to be thankful for, without it there would have been many more trips to the Doctors or the Emergency Room.

For instance the first time The Little One had nosebleed. Not knowing it was merely nosebleed, I panicked when I woke up with blood on the pillow cases and duvet cover. Woke up my DH who also panicked and agreed to drive us to the Emergency Room.

When we arrived, the male nurse asked, "Did your child fall?"
"No."
"Any fever?"
"No."
"Did she hit her head somewhere?"
"No."
"Can I see her fingers?"
"Sure." (Wandering if some diseases could be diagnosed by looking at finger.)
"Its just nosebleed as she digs her nose."
"Oh! Thank you!" we cried, so relieved that it was not some sort of terminal disease

Experience has made us wiser after that. I stocked myself up with some books that I can refer to and to educate me on what could ail my child. I also developed an interest on homeopathy which sometimes prove to be very useful.

However preschool and weaning has increased my child's susceptibility to being sick. Just about a month ago all 3 of us became sick. It started with The Little One who had a ear infection, then my DH who had cough and fever that developed into Asthma. And I developed acute bronchitis. It wasn't fun the 3 of us on the bed sick and woozy but we all got better and got on with our lives.

So I thought it is all over for this season but just 3 days ago, appropriately on the morning of Eid, The Little One has fever again. This time as high as 40.4 oC. The now somewhat experienced mom does not panic as much and decided to use the suppository, left over from the last time, to bring the fever down. But it does become worrying when the fever does not subside after 3 days. Unfortunately most of the clinics are closed due to the Eid holidays so we brought them to the Emergency Room again.

This time its tonsillitis and just like the precious time, my DH seems to be affected as well. Here I am, wife and mother having to look after my babies. Appropriately timed as well as I am unprepared for my trip home in 3 days.

If anything I like to look on the positive side of things. Perhaps them being sick will make good excuse to my friends and relatives back home whom I have not had time to shop gifts for. It also gives me some time to reflect and be grateful for little things in life such as friendship for instance.

I am grateful for the friends I who has become our family. Through them I get the friendship and support I need, who reassured me and gave me pointers and shared their experiences with me. And they continue to do so without expecting anything in return and providing me with understanding and patience. Sometimes I seemed to abandon them, as I was too busy or too absorbed in my own trials and tribulations. Life just sometimes take over and time seemed to fly by and suddenly I realized that I neglected my friends.

Instead of abandoning me, they welcome me back with welcome arms, with warmth and love, whenever I do come back to them. Making me so welcomed, telling me in all sorts of ways that my company was missed. Some even offered me all sort of tips and help when they heard about my situation. And I fell so loved and so grateful that I've been blessed with wonderful friends like these around me.

Dear God, I am grateful that I have been given the opportunity to be a mother and a wife. And I am even more grateful for the wonderful friends you blessed me with. They have kept me sane, gave me all sorts of invaluable advice, not just those near me, but those who are geographically far from me but near to my heart.

My friends, you know who you are and I thank you for sharing with me your wisdom, love and friendship.

For my Little One, I hope you'll get well soon and know that you will be a much stronger person, both physically and mentally after this. Just remember to wash your hands more often and stay away from people who sneeze and cough!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I'm off to sp0re and Malays/a for 2 weeks. It will be hectic, 6 days with my in laws in KL and 5 days in Sp0re. It will be my first trip, just me and The Little One and I hope God will give me strength to survive the trip.

To my friends in KL, my driver is unable to come this trip so I will be at the mercy of my in laws when it comes to transport. If you guys can come by BB Bangi, I look forward to meeting up with you. I'm in town 16 - 22 Dec, except I may be busy on the 21 due to a cousin's wedding.

To my friends in sp0re, lets try to meet up one morning/evening together with everybody? My itinerary includes trips to Nigh safari, Zoo, Orchard Road, maybe Sentosa, Gyboree and some family obligations. Please also understand that my schedule would also be determined by the health and cooperation of my 3 year old. I'm in town 23 - 27 Dec.

I look forward to meeting up you guys! Wish me luck!

Unfortunately I do not have a local number yet, I plan to buy a new sim card when I arrive. You can text me your number to +966 lima kosong 816 three four 52 by Sunday.

First weekend in Ramadhan

The evening was filled with relaxed conversation. The men obviously having a good time themselves because their laughter filled the room, so loud that we ladies could hardly hear ourselves speak. The Little One was out with our hosts' teenager daughter. Its lovely that she offered to babysit.

At that point I could not help but be so grateful. Grateful that I have friends who enjoy my company and whose company I enjoy. Who are willing to share the snippets of their lives with me. Who accept me for who I am and I in turn accept them for who they are.

The food on the counter was just overflowing. Laksa lemak (which I love), bubur lumbuk (which I craved), telur ikan goreng (which I havent had for a while), kolak (which i miss), kuih kosue (which i adore and cannot make myself); just to name a few. Alhamdullilah. ALhamdullilah. Alhamdullilah. How blessed can I be?

I had endevoured to make some of MIL's kuih bakar. But my first batch turn out to be pandan chiffon my mistake. So it turns out 1 cup flour, 1 cup sugar and 1 cup eggs + pandan flavouring yields pandan chiffon cake. In my dehydrated stupor I had decided to make the kuih without peeking at the recipe first, only to my dismay found the texture very different until the help pointed out that I had forgotten the coconut milk.

My DH started laughing really loudly and immediately declared that he will call his mum to tell her of my misadventure.

My daughter however was teased by the smell of fresh cake out of the oven requested for a slice. She took two bites and said, "Umi, the cake is very delicious! Thank you for making it for me."

Awww, this one really can really say things to make my heart melt.

So I had to make another batch, almost wiping out the whole tray of eggs I bought. This time I left the help run the show.

In the meantime I decided to make fried popiah from scratch, kari daging and roti jala. Not a good idea when I brought my DD for a nap at 3 pm and I woke up at 4 pm, realizing I lost an hour napping with her when all the other stuff was not done! Thank god for hired helps! So we had a devision of labour. I did the mixing and she did the jala-ing of the roti jala. In the meantime I started with the curry and started rolling the spring rolls and immediately try to fry them.

Of course as we got in the car to leave, I heard the azan call and I rushed back inside again to pick up some cake and dates so we could break our fast and push on.

And we were welcomed with friendly smiles and delicious food.

Conversation after dinner focused on what our holiday plans were. Some will go back to Singapore. Others will stay in Riyadh in anticipation of their ski trip to Chamonix.

I know that I will miss my friends and my friendships most when the time comes for me to leave this city. But that day will be inevitable. In the meantime I am truly grateful for Allah's and their generosity.

So how has your Ramadhan been? I hope your Ramadhan will be as fruitful and joyous as you want it to be.

Deja vu

I sat in the staff meeting just now and suddenly what was discussed became very familiar. Just hearing the Speaker talk, reminded me that I've heard all this before. Suddenly I had a strong sense of deja vu, that I've been here before.

Then it all came flooding back to me. The memory came from a dream. A dream not too long ago. If anyone had told me then that I will be working today, attending a staff meeting where I was, I would have said, "You got to be kidding me."

On the other hand I believe in Fate and Predestination. It was predestined that the job was for me but in my free will I had turned in down many times with many different excuses, even if many were kind enough to show and point me the way. It took two wonderful friends to put fairy lights on for me, to see the beauty and the opportunity.

How I got hired itself was short of a miracle. Many had come by looking for a job but not getting one. But me, the uncertain old me, now renewed and refreshed from my Power of Positive thinking workshop
went to help a friend and to submit my application form thinking "Surely its safe now to apply because they are no longer hiring." And Lo and behold, I was offered a job the same afternoon.

Even then I was hesitant, thinking that my child may be neglected. But every single step, Allah made it easy for me to accept this opportunity. A friend agrees to babysit. And the Boss agreed to allow my sweet child sit in the toddler's class.

I am truly grateful. Alhamdullilah. Alhamdullilah. Alhamdullilah. I am so grateful for this opportunity, for the support of my wonderful Dh and my wonderful, wonderful friends.

My next challenge is truly excel in what I do and let my light shine through.

Sometimes people are sent to you for a reason

Su K is one of those people that would make some people uncomfortable. She is non conforming. She doesn't really care how she looks or what she wears and sometimes does say things that may throw people off.

And she hates TV. Which does kill off some conversations. Some people find her downright strange, others find her intimidating.

But I am beginning to find Su K to be a friend and a teacher. Her unconventional ways may not necessarily be my life style of choice but I do find that there is a lot I could learn from her. (Like premaculture which could be a whole different entry.)

I remember her coming to a quilt meeting and for some reason or other her driver didn't show up. I didn't want to leave her and her neighbor behind but could not offer to send them home because they live way on the other side of town and I wanted to get home before the Little One's bed time.

So Su K said, "Its ok just drop me off outside somewhere and we'll hail a taxi."

Now thats a big thing here. 2 women, one of them a white Amer/c@n, hailing a taxi by the side of the road of an unknown neighborhood. I was very concerned for them. But Su K was not frazzled. She took it in her stride.

I happened to hangout with her the other day and she told me a story about Bill.

Bill was someone she picked up on her way home from her University. There were very few houses in her neighborhood and to see a man walking while trying to hitchhike was something quite rare . SO Su K stopped and told him, "If you are not dangerous you can come in my car and I'll take you to where you want to go."

Su K was brave that way.

So Bill told her that he had come from Illinois and was in Kansas because he heard that his uncle was building a log house and needed help. He had hitchedhiked part of the way, walked the other parts and slept in the rough, under bridges and so on.

Bill's uncle's house was about 30 mins away from Su K's house and she drove him there, only to find, upon their arrival that 2 M3xicans were moving into the house that Bill thought belonged to his uncle. They did not know about Bill's uncle and no one around there could give him any information about his uncle.

So Su K decided to bring Bill home.

She told him that he is welcomes to stay in their farm There is a lot of work to be done and they would provide him with room and board in return.

As it turned out that at that time Su K's husband wanted to run a bed & breakfast business. They had a huge basement which was in a huge mess and needed to be tidied up.

Bill stayed. And it turned out that they needed to retile that basement and guess what? Bill was a professional tiler.

So Bill tiled that floor. Help them fix up the basement. When he finished Su K and her hubby paid Bill and bought him a bus ticket to get home.

She has never heard from Bill since of course.

I don't know if I will take my chances with people the same way Su K does, but Su K's story reminds me how sometimes it pays to listen to our instincts.

My fear of getting hurt make me stay away from people. But Su K's story just reminded me that I don't always need to be afraid of helping people who may need my help because I may need their help instead!

My plate is always full

"You are always committing yourself to all sorts of things," declared my friend, mentor and adviser.

I thought about it for a moment.

And she is right of course.

I seem to have a knack to take all sorts of things on. Sometimes without thinking and later realizing that perhaps I had bitten off more than I could chew.

Could it because I am trying hard to please everyone around me? Not really, I have kept people whom I think bring negative energy at an arm's length.

I guess I like the challenge. I like trying out new things and testing myself to the limit. There is a thirst inside me that says I am capable of more, just not realizing that I am human afterall and have my limits.

I seem to pack my schedule full to the brim and if I don't program things in my schedule I may forget.

But I do enjoy the company of my quilting friends. Their creativity and willingness to help, with regards to quilting or otherwise, just warms my heart that I feel that I too want to contribute my worth. With them I always feel that I learn something new, some thing different, be it about sewing, culture and life in general.

As a result I sometimes seemed to have neglected my "other" friends and neighbours. And may have even offended a few.

I have since decided that should they feel I am not good enough to be a friend to them, then it would be their loss, not mine. If they have some issues to deal with within themselves, I must not undertake to accept these issues as mine but rather see it as theirs.

I cannot help people who cannot help themselves.

If I appear to be selfish because I want to keep positive people and positivity around me, so be it. I need to love myself first. No one will love me if I don't love myself. And to love myself is to protect myself from harm, hurt and grievances.

I will be true to myself and accept that there are others who have different views about life and friendship than mine. I don't believe in teaching others' a lesson. Thats not my place.

I've had a tough month behind me and I may have a tough road ahead. But what doesn't kill me will only make me stronger.

I will live and let live. So be it.

Life lessons

Hoooraaay! I just need to sew a little bit more and will be done with my challange quilt and I don't have to sort out my demo till later.

1) I must remember to be here and now and not rushed off my feet going 200km/hr and then feeling lost after. Yesterday was one of those days I was rushing through things. Didn't have proper conversation with people, looking half stressed. Came home feeling relieved but at the same time a little bit regretful. Perhaps I didn't take enough people. Perhaps I didn't make the effort to make proper conversation. Perhaps I forgot to thank a few people.

I must remember to be present in the here and now, to enjoy each moment as it unfold.

2) Keeping in touch, even if its a one line email is very important. [Re: I have a few emails and even smses I have yet to reply.] It may seem like it can wait or unimportant to me but may be important to the other person.

3)Learning to let go
Whatever grievances I may have, I must learn to deal with it, put it past me and move on. Because if I don't. I'd just be bitter and catty. Especially if the issue is long past and everyone else has moved on.

Its amazing how the short interaction I had yesterday yield 3 more new life lessons for me.

Generosity of neighbours

I walked as fast as I could to the store. The mission, to get 12 cubes of chicken stock. Of course they had absolutely no chicken stock cubes at the store. Passed by 2 neighbours, said brief hellos.

"She looks like a woman on a mission to me," remarked D.

"Yes well I went to get some chicken cube stocks but of course the store had none. I'm just having some company over and needed to make chicken rice."
"Tell you what, why don't you drop by and see if I have some."
Errrr, surely its embarrassing to be usurping your neighbors supply of chicken stock?

But I really want this chicken rice so why not.

We walked briskly to D's house. Pop into her larder and Wallah! I wiped out 8 of her chicken cube stocks!

I was just so touched by her generosity! I couldn't even thank her enough!

"Enjoy them" was all she said.

Note to self: I must get her something nice!

++++++++++++++++

The following day, on our way home back from school, we dropped by M's house to say hello. M is The Little One's best friend in school.

M has been suffering from some fever.

Her mum answered the door and told us that M was much better, thanks very much for asking. She was sleeping at that very moment and we would be seeing her for Kindermusik class the next day.

Just as we were about to leave, M's mum asked me if I would like a box of truffles. She knew I liked the truffles because she had offered them to me previously and I had confessed my weakness for truffles. These are Belgian Cocoa dusted chocolate truffles from Marks and Spencers no less! And apparently M's mum and dad didn't want them anymore!

Sheepishly I agreed to accept them. I didn't know what else to say except thank you!

Note to self: Need to get something nice either for M or M's parents.

What did I do to deserve such generosities? I am just so touched by other people's kindness to me.

Dear Allah, thank you so much for the generosity of my kind neighbors. Thank you for putting me in an environment surrounded by kind and generous people. I hope that I can be a kind and generous neighbor to my neighbors too.

Thank you

I would like to thank my friends who took the effort to meet up with us when we were back for holidays. And I would like to apologize to those who we didn't get to meet. Time is such a precious commodity on such trips and this being Hari Raya meant we had to divide time between family, friends and relatives not to mention AM's enrichment classes and shopping!

But I have to say that I was very extremely touched by the splendid four who met up with us the night before we flew out. You know who you and and I lap yew! Seriously! Satay never tasted better! I thought I was so over with Satay Hj Samuri but the company made me hungry ;) Your entertaining stories plus the air kelapa was just so fabulous! It was so good to relive old times! Rasa macam zaman dating-dating dulu despite the sleeping child strapped to my chest.

I always feel guilty that I am horrible at keeping in touch. But you guys really are what friendship is all about. Not even time nor distance can break friendships. Sometimes I really do miss the good old days!

Yes I am back here to my "normal" life. Sometimes I am just too tired of making new friends or the need to conform. Hanging out with you made me feel so comfortable and so relieved that I can just be me, the old me.

Adoii mushy plaks ni! OK lain kali taun depan kita jumpa lagi ta kisahlah berempat atau berlapan :)

Thank you guys! I am so lucky I have friends like you!

The Persian Queen

I guess I was dreading it so much that I took my time to bid her farewell. I didn't know that it would have affected me so, but it did. At the back of my mind, I knew that it was inevitable, that the day would come. Living this life, homes and friendships could be transient. People come and go in my life.

She was one of the first few people I got to know in the compound. The hermit and shy side of me didn't enjoy making new friends. I heard her telling another lady on the bus about her trip to Austri@ and the new sandals she got from there. I listened to her conversation and stayed silent. I didn't want to appear forward or nosy.

I don't exactly remember how or when but we began to hang out. She was very friendly, with a big heart. Perhaps she took pity on me, perhaps she enjoyed my company, I don't know. But she included me during her lunch meets and her walks. She often invited me to hang out with her in the evenings.

When I was in my dark moods and needed to stay isolated, she understood and respected that. When I was ready to come out, I was welcomed with open arms.

She was always the light of the party. There is a certain magnetism about her. Both men and women, even children flocked to her. She was kind, gracious and full of energy. I am always entertained by her stories. Stories about her childhood, about her grandma and about the different people she met or hung out with.

Her fearlessness inspired me. I remembered the day she desperately needed a puff. She stood outside the bus while a car filled with boys teased her, drove round and round the bus and calling her something. But she casually ignored them, not batting an eyelid, took her last drag and moved on. Undisturbed.

She could stand on her ground and yet accommodate those around her. A skill which not many could have.

Her diplomacy is unsurpassed. She tolerated those who continually harassed her.

As a friend she was always willing to help. With friends you meet on the road, you can never tell. Some just want to use you, and take advantage of you. But not her. She was one of those people who showed genuine generosity and consideration.

I often admire just how easily she hung out with all sorts of people of different ages, gender and background. Perhaps it is her gift.

To Negin, I wish you the best of luck! I know you will have loads of friends around you in no time at all because its just you. Know that you are loved and deeply missed.

I feel for her

Out of the blue we managed to talk again. Its been awhile but I know I’ve been terrible at keeping in touch.

But things haven’t been too good for her. She is still with HIM. Its her choice and its not up to me to judge. We all, individually, make our own decisions based on what we think works for us.

She has 3 young girls. Its not easy starting over with 3 young girls. I know some have done it but not everyone is as brave.

He promised to end things with the other woman. And she took his word for it.

Suffice to say, she found out later on that he actually married that woman across the border. He said he felt responsible for the other HER.

She says that she is happy that he is working abroad, out of the picture, and that he would send money every month to her bank account.

If I could talk to her again, I would ask her if she is happy with her life. I know she sticks with him because she thinks he makes her happy. Does she realize that he is the source of her grief? Does he realize that he is the source of her depression?

Personally, I don’t see why she would stay with someone who is controlling, who treats her like a door mat, who causes her grief and depression.

But I do understand why she stays with him. Because the children need their father and because it’s harder to start over looking for love.

Not many men will be interested in starting life with a 30 something woman with 3 young children.

He has systematically shaved down her feeling of self worth, her self esteem, her circle of friends, the support of family members and the exuberance she once had. He made her dependent on him. He made himself the center of the world, and she could not see the sunlight beyond his shadow.

Sometimes I feel like shaking her, asking her, why? Why do you do this to yourself? Why do you let him do this to you? And what do you think your children will get out of this?

But I know she is too fragile for those questions.

I do admire her steadfast nature and the love she has for her children.

If you are reading this, I want you to know, as a friend, I only want you to be happy. I’m not trying to jeer you or alienate you. Its not my place to judge you.

Instead I want to encourage you to make a better life for yourself and your girls. They are all that you have and they learn everything by watching what you do and how you deal with this crisis in your life.

Do not give let him control your lives. Love yourself more. You know you deserve all the love that you need and you don’t need that love from him. You can get it from you.

But the girls will need the love from you.

Take care of yourself and take this down time to take stock of your life. Your future is in your hands. The future of your girls are in your hands. Reclaim back that power before its to late.

What would you say to her?