Monday, June 16, 2008

My plate is always full

"You are always committing yourself to all sorts of things," declared my friend, mentor and adviser.

I thought about it for a moment.

And she is right of course.

I seem to have a knack to take all sorts of things on. Sometimes without thinking and later realizing that perhaps I had bitten off more than I could chew.

Could it because I am trying hard to please everyone around me? Not really, I have kept people whom I think bring negative energy at an arm's length.

I guess I like the challenge. I like trying out new things and testing myself to the limit. There is a thirst inside me that says I am capable of more, just not realizing that I am human afterall and have my limits.

I seem to pack my schedule full to the brim and if I don't program things in my schedule I may forget.

But I do enjoy the company of my quilting friends. Their creativity and willingness to help, with regards to quilting or otherwise, just warms my heart that I feel that I too want to contribute my worth. With them I always feel that I learn something new, some thing different, be it about sewing, culture and life in general.

As a result I sometimes seemed to have neglected my "other" friends and neighbours. And may have even offended a few.

I have since decided that should they feel I am not good enough to be a friend to them, then it would be their loss, not mine. If they have some issues to deal with within themselves, I must not undertake to accept these issues as mine but rather see it as theirs.

I cannot help people who cannot help themselves.

If I appear to be selfish because I want to keep positive people and positivity around me, so be it. I need to love myself first. No one will love me if I don't love myself. And to love myself is to protect myself from harm, hurt and grievances.

I will be true to myself and accept that there are others who have different views about life and friendship than mine. I don't believe in teaching others' a lesson. Thats not my place.

I've had a tough month behind me and I may have a tough road ahead. But what doesn't kill me will only make me stronger.

I will live and let live. So be it.

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