On my journey of motherhood I sometimes encounter rocky roads but often time the joy of the journey surprises me out of no where.
I was trying to put The Little One down for a nap yesterday but it wasn't easy. Partly my fault really. I blame it on Mr Krispy Kreme. But anyways, as she was lying down beside me, I said, "You will be the happiest girl in the world and may your life always be filled with happiness."
The Little One with her bright eyes stopped suckling and asked me, "Ummi happy?"
"Yes," I answered.
"Abah happy?" she asked.
"Yes," I answered.
"Little One happy?" I asked her.
"Little One happy," she answered.
She closed her eyes and drifted to sleep.
Does she really know what happy means or is she just emulating me? Can she really grasp the concept of happiness?
Over the past couple of months she has surprised me so much. She knows what she likes or not like with "Not nice." Or what she wants.
Many people have told me that she speaks well. But I didn't think it was extraordinary. According to the BabyCenter she is just right smack on top developmentally. But seriously some words that do come out does sometimes surprise me. It shouldn't really with all the reading and talking I have done with her. Its no different than watching my papaya tree grow in my backyard. I put the seed in the soil with great hope and when the seed grew into a tree, I was pleasantly surprised yet anxious that the tree will bear fruit. Not just any fruit but edible fruits.
So I have to tend both The Little One and papaya tree with great care. Not to pat my back too soon. And continue to persevere. On both good days and bad days.
I've been so busy the past month with my new career. Sometimes I feel I really have to make difficult choices, time for myself or time for my Little One. Do I send her out so I can work, sew, surf, read or do research? Or do I spend my time tending her, enriching her, showering her with love and attention.
I am so torn some days. Torn between my tendency to over commit myself and my desire to enrich my Little Ones's Life. I know its not necessarily one or the other but somedays it feels that way.
I haven't been able to quilt for the past 2 months now. I do miss it a lot and deadlines are looming. But here I am blogging again.
The past month has been so hectic for me and some days I feel I can hardly breathe. I do realize that I am so lucky to be this busy. Many in my shoes are languishing with boredom. Prioritizing became a priority for me. Some invites I had to decline. Some meetings I just cannot arrange and some emails I could not reply. Friends might just find me flaky but at least I am honest to myself. I must learn to decline more.
More importantly, I concentrate on things and people that make ME happy.
I want to remember, that yesterday The Little One, MY Little One asked me if I was happy. And I told her I was.
I am happy.
And Darlings you bring the joy in my life.