Saturday, May 02, 2009

A death and a lifetime of commitment

Dear AM,

I went to a neighbour's house to convey my condolences today. You did ask me where I was going and I said I needed to visit a sick friend. I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth because I didn't want you to get sad and I'm not ready to answer your questions about death.

The lady is young. Early forties. Her husband, who was 47 died of heart attack at his house about 2 weeks ago. He died about half an hour after having an argument with his 15 year old daughter. His second son is 12 and his youngest son is 9.

Understandably, they are all in shock. Heart broken. Faris, the youngest still does not believe that his dad passed away. Yesterday he asked his mum, if it was true his dad passed away. Khalil the elder son is still grieving. He was with his dad when it all happened. He is probably still traumatized. The eldest daughter, well at the moment, is the cause of her mother's concern and pain.

"I cannot get back the one I lost but I'm afraid I will lose Christina if I don't do anything about it now."

She told me that Christina had always been a difficult child, even when she was carrying her up to today.

Suddenly, I recognize that this will not be the sort of relationship I want to have with you now or the future. I feel for this lady's sorrow. And for me to avoid this, I have to start working with you now.

I want you to know that you can always come to talk to either one or both of us if you have anything in your mind. And we promise to always listen to you with an open heart and open mind.

I promise that I will share the truth with you as much as I can, age appropriately.

I want to give you as much respect and freedom as I want for myself, within boundaries and limits. I want you to always feel that I respect you for who you are and who you will be.

I will love you, unconditionally and try to give you as much time as I can. Especially when you are asking for my attention when I am catching up with my friends or cooking dinner. You are more important, than anything else to me in this world. And I want you to know that.. always.

Please accept that I am still a mother in training. I promise to update myself, as much as I can, to understand your needs, your desires and your wishes.

I will always let you know that I love you and no matter how upset I am, I am upset at your particular behaviour, and not all of you.

I promise to always see your true and hidden potential.

And there is nothing more I want in this world, to have a wonderful journey with you and your dad into your adulthood, to see you bloom into a sensible, loving and wise adult.

No matter what happens, I will never place the blame on you. I will accept the situation as a life lesson for me to learn. So that I can share with you better directions or instructions.
[This does not mean you will not have the face the consequences of your actions though!]

I hope you understand why I didn't bring you along. This was my life lesson to learn. I had to concentrate on the experience so I will be a better mother.

With lots of love,


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