Ideological difference

I met A* 5 years ago at an embassy function. We had very little in common except that we were both born in a small tropical island and now stranded in the middle of the desert.

A* is married to a middle eastern gentleman. They met in S/ngap0re when he was working there, their romance blossomed and they got married and she followed him since.

What I find most difficult is that she does not have a mobile phone herself or a home landline number. Her only connection to the outside world is through her husband's mobile phone which he carried with him everywhere he went including work.

"So if you want to call me, you can call him after 9 or 10 pm when he gets home from work and he can pass the phone to me."

"Why don't you get your own? Its easy enough to get a SIM card now and phones are cheap?"

"Well my husband said its not easy. He is busy at work all day long and he comes home tired and stressed out."

"So what is something happens to you in the day should you fall sick or faint or fall?"

"Well I can go to my neighbours and ask for help. Most of my neighbours are his countrymen so they know him well."

At first I thought well if she wants my old mobile, perhaps I can give it to her. But then I realize that perhaps it was not a question of economics or logistics but rather a control and/or emotional issue.

I always prided myself as someone who can empathize other people, their situation, culture or even economic circumstance. However this goes beyond my personal tolerance.

It makes me so mad that she accepts her situation. I have little respect for a man whom I consider controlling.

Last night I met her again and she looked very thrilled to see me. I however had to restrain myself very hard from shaking her into her senses, "Whats this woman! You still have no phone?"

Granted I don't know them well and has not made any effort to bridge the gap.

And what did I learn from this lesson? That I can be very judgmental and prejudiced much to my own chagrin.

If she is happy, why burst her happy bubble. Sometimes the feminist in me cloud my judgement of other people.

My child, if you meet a suitor who cuts you off from your friends or family and controls how you get access to them, run! Run as fast as you can! I am raising you to be a person who can have her own opinion and her own choices. Liberty is your birthright! Work hard to maintain it and don't give it away to anyone. Liberty does come with responsibility like everything else, but once you let it go, it may never come back. You may be a chained changed person forever.

Cooking in Istanbul

Location: Cooking Alaturka
Akbiyik Caddesi 72a, Sultanahmet, ISTANBUL

My dear husband, who knows me all too well, signed me up to a Turkish cooking class while we were in Istanbul. I had a thoroughly good time with Eveline, Chef Feyzi, Tom, Charlotte and Linda.

The 4 course menu consist of the following:

Yayla Corbasi
"Meadow Soup" or "Hot yogurt soup with dried mint"




Sorry the soup looked so appetizing that I ate it up without taking a picture! It was absolutely a different flavour for me because I am not accustomed to having yogurt in soups, yet absolutely delicious. It does stimulate different parts of my palate.

Ingredients
1/2 cup rice
8 cups stock
1/2 cup milk
1 cup thick yogurt
juice of 1/2 lemon
1 1/2 tbsp flour
2 egg yolks
1 cup water
1/2 tsp black pepper
1/2 tsp cumin
1 tsp salt
1 1/2 tbsp butter
1 tsp red pepper flakes

Wash and drain the rice, then boil until tender in the stock. Add milk.

Beat the yogurt, flour, lemon juice and egg yolks with the water in a bowl. Add salt, black pepper and cumin, mix well.

Add a little of the dried mint and red pepper flakes to the stock.

Melt the butter in a separate pot and add the rest of the dried mint and red pepper flakes. Add the butter to the stock when goldren brown coloured.

Pour a little of the hot stock into this liaison mixture and then pour back into the main pan. Stirring continuously, bring to boil over alow heat and continute cooking for another 5 minutes.


Zeytinyagli taze fasulye
Green beans in olive oil

Kabak meuveri
Zucchini patties with herbs and cheese



I am not really a beans person but the vegetables are so delicious! My daughter loves the Zucchini patties which is fairly healthy too.

Hunkar begendili kuzu
Lamb stew in tomato sauce in smoky eggplant puree



Now this is absolutely delicious! The lamb stew may look spicy but the heat does not assault you as they would in Malay cooking, but its more gentle and subtle. And I love eggplants! Just making this dish makes me appreciate the effort it takes to grills and skin the eggplants after! And I love the taste of the sweet chilli that goes with the dish.


Incir tatlisi
Walnut stuffed figs in syrup



And now I know what I can do with dried figs! Especially those which are way too dry to eat my themselves. The figs became juicy and sweet without it being too sweet.

I had a wonderful morning cooking with Eveline, Feyzi, Tom, Charlotte and Linda. As usual the conversation gets pretty interesting. Charlotte is a dancer who decided to travel while she is in between jobs. Through her I then realize that the Hamam was co-ed, not just for men.

Tom is a Doctor from Australia on holiday. We met him in the tram at a later time and he told us about his wonderful trip to the Asian side, (something we didn't plan on doing) and we went with his recommendation and had a good time.

Linda, told us a trip she took with Dr Spencer Wells on The Genographic project. That got us really interested to know about our genetic journey.

Eveline, a Dutch, who has been in Turkey for 11 years used to run a hotel until the landlord decided to sell the building off. She decided to run the restaurant and cooking class full time until she decides what else to do next. She came in the country and fell in love with the place and the culture and decided to find a way to stay, which she did.

For me, it was just amazing how in one morning, I not only learned more about Turkish cooking and cuisine but also met 5 more people who taught me about new things which I would have not known before.

Slowly, slowy

I have to say that for most part I am a babywearer. I tend to carry my 13 month old using the Ergo when I go shopping. This is one story why I prefer using the baby carrier rather than s stroller.

Just yesterday we went to a local Mall. This one was one of the poshest, if not one of the nicest Mall in the capital. At this Mall you can see defiant local teenagers, females, with faces uncovered, @b@yas unbuttoned often showing off fashionable, sometimes tight fitting clothes.

I was using the stroller yesterday, because I thought it would be handy to have The Little One on the stroller while I shop. Normally I would use the lift but decided to take the elevator instead. Its a bit tricky I know but I managed to get the hang of it.

Now in most other countries where I have been, people; men and women would let you go first because they understand the intricacies of going up the elevator with a stroller. This being a country where the men dominate, things are somehow different. There is no such thing as chivalry, only chauvinism.

When a man dressed in army fatigues saw me approaching the escalator. What does he do? He walked faster and INSTRUCTED me to go slower. Surely he is in somesort of a hurry you'd think. Because at the top of the elevator is a food court! He told me to wait for him to get on the escalator first before I get on, even though I was there first, so they he can go to the food court before me! How very considerate of him!

I tell ya, even typing this story it makes my blood boil! Does he even have the consideration of a human being? I guess not. If anything, the man is the essence of the men here. They are often in a hurry to do nothing. They have no consideration for other people but for themselves. They are selfish. Pure chauvinistic pigs!

Its a shame really because I really had a much nicer experience using the stroller in Europe. People offer to help when they see a woman negotiating stairs with a stroller.

I always have to remind myself, culture is not the same as religion. It is the culture here that make the men the way they are, not the religion. The religion calls for tolerance, understanding and help for one another. They make think they are enforcing religious laws here but what it is really is the enforcement of their culture.

And I have to remind myself not to generalize.

Sebab nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga.

* Literal translation: Because of a drop of blue dye,a whole pot of milk is contaminated. Just because of a person's fault,the whole community/group related to the person gets a bad reputation.