Sunday, April 18, 2004

Guess what! I enrolled in a course to teach but in the process I learnt more about life and human nature. Its amazing how many people just want to use you and not want to contribute back anything in return. Suddently my racists fears were reinforced. Somehow I find myself not trusting some people just because they are of a particular race. Sad but true.

Let me call N. She missed class. So she called me up asking me to lend her my notes. She also wanted to check what I had done for my assignment. Being the trrusting person that I am, I gave it all to her. Fine she said thank you. I did ask to see HER assignment but was conveniently refused. "I'll show you later" and later never came.

I didn't get it then! What a masochist I am.

So she found out that I bought a new textbook. I havent even read it yet. Spent £18 on it! She asked if she could borrow my book. Fine, I lent it to her, thinking Ok i won't have the time to read it tonite but perhaps will do so on the train on the way back the next day. The next day came, she kept quiet about my textbook. She said she will being it tomorrow.

Three days later, she finally returned the book to me after my repeated request for my book back. This is what is said when the book is returned to me,
"I dont think this book is very good. There is no explanation. He only gives examples." Then why did you keep my book for so long?! So now I am doubly a fool! The fool who spent £18 on the book and the fool who lent it to someone else who didn't say "Thank you."

A day prior to her returning my book, she came up to me and asked me if she could send an SMS to someone from my phone. Mind you I have to pay for text msgs. It cost me 5 p. Sure 5 p is not much you might think but its still money. I could have refused! But did i? I thot, Ok why not. It wouldn't hurt me to do a favour for a friend? WRONG! A friend she is NOT! She only wants to use me.

Fine perhaps I am nit picking. Perhaps I am keeping a score over nothing. But somehow it hurts me when its time I asked her help, she conveniently forgets or refuses! I asked to borrow some of her notes from a class. I did take down some notes but I felt some information was missing and wanted to cross refer it to someone else's in case I have missing informatiion. I asked her for the notes for one whole week! I repeteadly reminded her for it 5/6 times. She either forgot, or will give me later or have not copied it bla bla bla bla bla. I mean I gave mine to her for goodness sake and now when I want the favour returned I am tactically refused?

It just daunted on me that I have been USED! If she needs anything she will come to me. Borrow my dictionary, notes, textbook, mobile phone, everything and anything I could possibly have. I just call in ONE favour and I have been failed! I know I sound very very very petty and naive but I had expected more from human nature! Doesn't one (in this case DOZENS!) of good deed deserves another???

Well this one is going down in my books. This will have to stop. I will no longer be kind and generous to people I don't know anymore. Because at the end of the day, your kindness is not remembered! People just want to USE you, they get everything and anything they want from you. The minute you need any sort of help from them, WHAM! they are GONE!

But oh well, what goes around comes around. I'd like to think that I send out good tidings to the world and hopefully good tidings will come back to me.

Oh cruel, cruel people!

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