What is it about we women, when we gossip that all discretions are forgotten? Is this just Malay women or all women? Frankly I don’t get that much revelation from the British women.
Because I move a lot, there has been many opportunities to make new friends, especially Malay women. Somehow apparently I was told “Kita Melayu ni suka bermasyarakat.” (We Malays like to live in a community.) Which probably is why the Malays in UK generally all like to live in the same areas and neighbourhoods. Areas which I would normally avoid because with too many Malays, then there will be too much gossiping and backstabbing. If I wanted to stay in areas full of Malays, eat Malay food everyday, speak Malay everyday then I might as well live in KL! Don’t get me wrong, I love KL, its just that I feel it defeats the purpose of me staying abroad and experiencing different cultures and languages if I live my life how I would do it in KL, minus the perks of being in KL.
Anyways, two women whom I met on while leaving on the road just stuck to my mind.
The first will forever be remembered by me as Mrs Condom. Mrs Condom is married to an English bloke. (“He’s just a regular English bloke who likes football,” she says convincingly to me.) She is very happily married to him but yearns to go back and live in Malaysia again.
I did ask her before, didn’t you discuss the logistics before you got married? Her answer was, “Alah sebelum kawin, semua boleh saje, dah kawin ni lain cerita.” (Before we were married, he agrees to everything, but things changed after we got married.)
I find Mr Condom a very weird character. He would be one of those blokes I would classify as an Asianphile. Or perhaps in his case it’s a Malayphile. Apparently before marrying her, he had another Malay girlfriend. He works with a Malaysian company and his officemates were predominantly Malaysians. And according to Mrs Condom, he enjoys eating nasi goreng everyday. Perhaps he was a Malay in his previous life.
Why, you might ask, do I call them Mr and Mrs Condom?
So the story unfolds, Mrs Condom and I were exchanging views on things. We both don’t have kids. So the discussion of why we choose not to have kids at this time came up. According to Mrs Condom, Mr Condom tells her that he is not yet ready to have kids. He wants them to have a closer relationship first before embarking on the journey and commitment of parenthood. Ideas, which I agree and share.
So next Mrs Condom decided to ask me what sort of birth control methods we are using.
Is this really appropriate??? Its only like the fourth or fifth time we met and hung out??
She candidly said, “Alah kalau XXX tu dia pakailah Condom dia.” (My husband uses condom.)
And she told me with a straight face! Then proceeded to ask, “You plaks gunakan apa?”
I was toooo flabbergasted!!!! Because I am a very graphic person you see. My mind will give me an illustration in my head of the things I hear and read. And at that very moment I have a very vivid image of her husband, whom I met once over dinner at her house, putting a condom on with a smirk on his face!
And I could not get that image out of my head!!
“I don’t really like to discuss my sex life, thank you very much.” I said.
And I think she was shocked. She was shocked that I refuse to share with her our bedroom secrets. But what did she expect????
I have to tell you Mrs Condom has not contacted me since that conversation. I think we talked on the phone once, me wishing her Selamat Hari Raya, and later I sent her an email which she did not reply to.
But I’d have to say I am not too heart broken. Because I don’t know how long I would be able to keep a straight face, with the image of Mr Condom putting a rubber sheath on his male part with a smirk on his face, as I try to hold a decent conversation at the dinner table.