Sunday, May 06, 2007

Am I ready to return?

For some, their hearts are always set to their homeland. Everyday they think about what they miss back home in Malaysia. And every holiday they look forward to returning to Malaysia. Even though their bodies are here, their spirits and their minds are still back in Malaysia.

Unfortunately I am one of those people who don't really fancy the idea of going back. Not at the moment anyways. Yes I do miss some of the family. (Although I have to confess that I don't mind being out of the loop from the family gossips and the latest misunderstanding etc.) And yes I do miss the food.

I can't believe I am saying this myself but I am beginning to like it here. More accurately, I like the life we lead here. I don't have to worry about going to weddings and kenduris. Most of my time is our own, we're not tied down to taking to attend family functions etc. I guess its not just the life here but generally life abroad.

I like the fact that we could travel and of course it helps that we have a bigger disposable income here. For me there is a balance between the amount we could spend and the amount we could save.

Luckily for me my dearest share my passion for travel and seeing and trying new things. I would be so devastated if all he ever want to do is return to Malaysia for holidays. We do like to go to different places ever so often.

So he puts forward to me the possibility of returning back to The Homeland and suddenly I get a little bit sweaty. For me I had always envisioned that we would return when its time to retire. Or at least we would return after we have finished paying off all our debts, have a well cushioned retirement plan.

But of course things change a little bit since we have The Little One. Suddenly we realize the value of living near The Family so both parties could get to know each other better. Also it would be more beneficial for The Little One to know more about traditions and her cultural background. Something which I am not very big on. I know very little about cultural believes and in fact sometimes believe very little in them. (Like pantang larang lepas bersalin etc. I was at the supermarket 5 days after delivering the baby.) But I do realize its important for The Little One to see some of that for herself because its part of her cultural identity and it will be up to her in the future to decide if she would like to keep them or not.

And I guess the other thing is, for me, if or when we return, its means that we are settling down. And settling down is something that I am uncertain if I am ready for. We've been travelling for the last 9 years and I like the adventure of living abroad.

I suppose what it is, is more change. Change in lifestyle. Change in income. Change in responsibilities. Naturally I am somewhat apprehensive to this sort change.

I already lost my mum while we were on the road. Perhaps going back now will be good so The Little One could spend more time with her remaining grandparents, uncles and aunties.

Funnily enough I would have to relearn the Malaysian way of doing things if we go back. Perhaps it is time?

9 comments:

elisataufik said...

i pun tak nak you balik!!!!

makin kurang kawan I kat sini.. :(

but here comes the cliched advices:
. do what you think is best for your family
. trust that He has a plan for you
. have faith that you can have a happy life, no matter where you are.

hey, if you can survive Riyadh, you can survive anywhere!

Jiwa Rasa said...

SF,

I concur with elisa.

Welcome back home, if you think that is the best decision for you and family...

mobilemom said...

I guess you have to weight the pros and cons of being home again. What ever your decision is, it's for the best of the family. Besides, ALLAH know what's best for all of us. Insya'ALLAH. Everything will be OK in what ever your decision will be.

Leen Ash Burn said...

I, for one, would LOVE to have you back here. But oh well, you know what's best for you, S and the Lil One kan :)

Handshake said...

I have recently acquired a belief that "once an expat always an expat". It is a life that is irreversible, unless you stop working, where you settle down and become one with the local, and no longer an expat.

So if at all you can, maintain the lifestyle you are comfortable with. That is more important.

Dame RoSse said...

jauh di mata dekat di hati.
tak kisah di mana berada, as long as we are happy. we can always keep in touch with the families and the friends in many ways. Insyallah silaturrahim berpanjangan... kan kan kann...

anasalwa said...

sunflora,
I like the word learn and relearn you used in your entry. I think no matter how much knowledge and lessons we have learned, relearn is inevitable. No matter where you go please don't abandon your quilting:))

Lollies said...

oh! bilakah ini akan berlaku? or sudah berlaku oredi?

Ghazali said...

SF ...

Why balik ... as for me ... although I am in my 40's ... but I am going out to lead a life as an EXPAT ....

EXPAT life has many benefits ... of course in every single choices, there are pros and cons ...

And there is no such things as a WRONG or RIGHT choices ....