I was in shock yesterday. M told me that she and P had split up. He moved out in January. My first thought was, oh your poor kids! The younger one is hardly two and the older just started pre-school. I asked her if she was feeling alright, she said she was and she said she was already meeting someone new. I said goodbye still confused.
I attended their wedding. It was beautiful, in the church, and they knelt in front of the altar with the two kids. Yes, they already had two kids together before deciding to tie the knot. My Asian friends found this a surprise. But hey this is the UK. Having children outside the wedlock is not a big deal. The wedding was less than a year ago! Last Spring! She just told me before Christmas that they didn't have the time to select the wedding pictures they wanted from the photographer. She was just telling me that they are thinking of moving to a bigger place perhaps this Spring as the kids were getting bigger and the place was getting much to small for all of them. Then WHAM! This news. I bet they didn't finish paying for the wedding yet. She told me that they had to remortgage the house to get a loan to pay for the wedding and buy the new car.
I do wonder what happened but I am too polite to ask. Her new boyfriend was around yesterday which is why she didn't invite me in. I saw his car in the driveway. Well I didn't want to be a nosy neighbor (in truth I am) but its hard not to notice things like a new car in the driveway in s small apartment unit like ours. I guess she had to tell me about the split because they haven't put in the money for the building kitty.
Why I was shocked? Well because I thought they are a beautiful family. He is good looking, a law enforcement officer, and she very fit looking, a homemaker. She looks after their two most beautiful children ever! But you never know what goes behind closed door I guess. I guess this drives my belief that children does not necessary make the relationship work. Well you see, I was told as a matter of factly that I should have children pretty quickly after my marriage to make sure the husband loves the family more and gives him less reason to stray away outside the home. HUH??? But mind you, a lot of my friends myself believe in it. One of them will be having her wedding in September and she is worried now in March that she may not have kids fast enough! Another stole another woman's husband just so that she can marry him and have his kids.
Personally I feel that it is important for me to get to know my spouse first before having any kids together. Children, in my opinion, does not make a relationship. They could be a product of the relationship, but they should not be the reason for the couple to stay together. And how would you know you want to grow old together when you don't know each other? How do you know what your spouse is like as an individual person, before he/she wears the shoes of a father/mother if straight into the relationship you have kids? Having children people tell me is a life changing experience, thus isn't it fair to get to know the person before the change and then reacquiant again after the change?
A friend once told me, I think too much. Perhaps I do. If the journey of life is like a travel journey then I really would like to read the map, buy a lonelyplanet book and read a little about the places I am about to go. Doesn't mean that I have it all mapped up, but at least I know the general direction I am heading, and if I get lost, I have a general idea where I am lost in. Control freak? Perhaps. But more importantly, I would like to make an informed choice. Even if the choice is between a rock and a hard place, at least I know the merits of both and thus make the decision to choose based on what I know. So at least at the end of the day I have no regrets. At least if anything goes wrong, I know deep in my heart that I made my choices based on the information I have and not because I didn't do my research or look into the issue enough.
But oh well, life I think its about making choices at cross roads. And everyone should have the liberty to make the choice that they think is good for them. To me there is not such thing as a right or wrong choice, but rather a good and bad choice. How you make yours, is up to you.