Thursday, March 03, 2005

What will tomorrow bring?

Its been seven months. And apparently I am a baby when it comes to the length of time I have been in this country. I have only learnt to adjust to life here, not that I am 100% comfortable, but at least the cultural shock doesn't get to me as much.

And yes, some days I do miss London. Its funny because some friends often ask me,
"Asyik balik London je bile nak balik Malaysia pula?"

And I don't know what to say. Because most times, I do feel more inclined to return to London, the city where I set up my home. There is a tiny space in that busy city where I call home, where we worked very hard to make the place comfortable. We saved every penny we could to get a down payment for it. I forgo my dream for postgraduate school as my contribution to that tiny space. And yes I do miss it.

But recently I am beginning to feel that I am forming my roots here. Just the though of moving makes me feel a little tired. I have made some friends. Started learning some new things and I am getting more comfortable to my environment. The little things don't bother me as much.

Of course there is that eternal question. "When will you return for good?"

Our standard answer would be, "Bila hutang semua sudah habis dibayar."

When all our debts are paid. Does that mean, when we retire?

I have known and met some veteran expats, who planned to return to Malaysia when they retire. Somehow they could not readjust back to life in Malaysia. Somehow they have changed and they could not cope with the changes in Malaysia as well. They see Malaysia as the idyllic place they grew up in and when they returned found Malaysia not to be the same place they left.

And as for Singapore, somehow that island does have even less attraction for me. Yes I have friends and family there. But other than that, I don't really have very much. Perhaps because Singapore has changed a lot, and everytime I returned it looked different. Even the schools where I used to study no longer look the same. The neighbourhood where I grew up don't look the same. The old memories are gone, erased, and changed with something new. Its progress, I understand that. But it just means that the Singapore now bears little resemblance to the Singapore I knew. And there are new and exciting places. But these are unfamiliar to me.

Where do we go from here?

I leave it up to Allah. If we stay, we stay. If we move on, I will move on. If we get to return, we will. Eventually. Insyallah.

The only constant in my life is change. Only a year ago, I was in Japan around this time. Backpacking. Staying in youth hostels. Walking alone on the streets of Kyoto. Exploring the night life in Tokyo. I miss that life, but I do enjoy my life now.

And what will tomorrow bring?

I hope tomorrow will bring me happiness, joy, peace of mind and good health.

Insyallah.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Tomorrow would bring the same thing it always does for you. It will bring change. What you need to pray for is that the change is for the better.

Inshaallah

atenah said...

only Allah knows, we just strive

elisataufik said...

live one day at a time..
Apsal laki aku tak dapat residence visa lagi ni????
BORING BETULLLLLLL

MakNenek said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

natsukashiii...
i took 20 days off in 2003 and went backpacking alone in japan...took local trains to kyoto from tokyo,and it's really really great!
hey i really envy ur lifestyle...hehehe..

-mich-