Life is a quandry

Matters of the heart again. It pains me to see people still tortured because they still can't find love. But sometimes I think, love does, or did come to their door but what did they do? Just let it pass them by. All because they were searching for a Mr Right. Or Mrs Right.

The story unfolds, a successful woman fast reaching her 30, with a successful career, and a very keen admirer. She has known him for awhile. Regarded him as a good and dependable friend. But apparently didn't feel any chesmistry for him. And I understand that. But she is getting more desperate to get married, and wanting to make babies. These are not assumptions, but she told me herself. In her own words.

On the other side, a single 30 something guy, have been admiring this girl for awhile. He had let her go once, because of his career, as he was just setting up his life. But he realised that he still wants her, the one he once let go. Tracked her down, asked her to marry him. She turned him down, nicely, gently of course. Saying she cannot commit, and she doesn't feel the same way about him.

The woman continued in search of her Mr Right, the one whom she would have chemistry with. With some luck. So the guy decided he will wait no more, and move on. How long can one wait? How long is one expected to wait? How long can one endure the not knowing?

A story perhaps tragic, perhaps common, perhaps mind boggling.

The real truth, only between the two of them and Allah would know.

How long can a woman test a man's patience and dedication before he decides that enough is enough?

How long can a guy wait in hope, and hoping before deciding that perhaps he is hoping in vain and is better off investing his time and energy elsewhere?

Love is full of tests and tribulations. That is true. But there is a limit to how much a man or a woman can take. So the receiver must be careful not to overstretch the giver.

It is naive to think that a person's kindness is boundless and bottomless. We are only humans. As Joey from Friends said, "There is no such thing as unselfish good deed." We often do them because we want some sort of retribution, sometimes from the person we do the good deed on, sometimes for ourselves and sometimes for God.

If you really want her/him back, apologize and ask her/him to take you back again, with proper commitment. And sincerity. If you don't, let the other person go. Let them lead their life for themselves for once, without having to think of you at the back of their mind.

If anything, if you don't already know, you cannot take people for granted. And you cannot take life for granted.

It is not my place to tell either of them what is right or what is wrong. But what I find is most disturbing is to see both of them hurting. But I also realise that only the two of them can work things out for themselves, either individually or together.

We all make our own decisions based on what we think is right for ourselves. But we can also ask our creator for his guidance.

I too had my heart broken in many million pieces. And all I could then was to get down on my knees to pray to him. To ask him for forgiveness, to ask him for happiness, to ask him for a peace of mind, and to ask him to give you a suitable partner for you, the one who will love you for who you are and who will appreciate and cherish you for the rest of your lives.

Though these times will be difficult to go through, I hope the both of you will grow through this experience. What doesn't kill us, will only make us stronger.

I don't wish to assume that both of you read this, but if you do, I hope you will take this kindly.

Actions often speak louder than words. Its not what we tell people that matters, its what we do that we are often judged upon.

Good luck.