Sunday, April 10, 2005

Life back to normal?

I cannot explain how joyous I am that I am getting my own space back. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind company, but I am essentially a hermit crab. I like the abundance of space and silence. And freedom to decide what I want to do with my time, without having to constantly accommodate my need to please my guests.

Sure you rasa rumah you sunyi sekarang pasal takde orang nak ajak you bual,” (I am sure that you’ll feel lonely without company to make conversation with.) was a remark made to me by an acquaintance.

I was actually surprise that she said that. What makes her think that I think that? I was actually looking forward to have some time to finally surf and read some blogs. Or books which I bought and haven’t even started reading. I could finish my sewing, my box, my numerous projects which I haven’t had the time to touch lately. And how about my filing and all the other paperwork which I haven’t had time to touch? And the gym! I haven’t been to the gym for months! I could list so many more things I could do, without having to pine for company.

And I actually like to do things without having to talk while doing them. Talk merely distracts me from concentrating on my chores.

What also amazes me was that the other person thinks that he/she knows me enough to try and predict my mind. Am I that different from other people? Am I one of the few people who is happy with my own company (with internet connection and cable TV of course)?

But I have to constantly remind myself that most people use themselves as a yardstick against other people. The statement was made to me was a judgement of the speaker rather than the audience.

What is considered as normal for some people, could be considered as dysfunctional for others.

And she had the cheek to say that its just a waste that I wasn’t using my degree to teach. Did she ask me if that was what I wanted to do? Did she think that I was unhappy and needed to distract myself with a career? What if I don’t really want a career? I am pursuing my own ambition, doing the things I love and want to do. Exploring and learning new things, activities which I would otherwise be unable to explore if I had the commitment of a full time job.

Who does she think she is by insinuation that my life is a waste? That she knows me better than I do?

I wanted to explain but decided against it. Because she wouldn't understand. She thinks she knows best. And I don’t feel compelled to correct others. I let them think whatever they want to think, as long as they would stop bothering me. Biarkanlah, asalkan dia bahagia.

Once again I have to remind myself, what she said is a reflection of her and her thoughts. She may be talking to me about me but perhaps she is thinking of that for herself.

Or perhaps it is I, who is abnormal.

The abnormal hermit who prefers to spends too much time in cyberspace than the real world?


anasalwa said...

A person who cannot make a connection with her/himself wouldn't understand being alone is not lonely.

Kak Teh said...

yeap, sf, sometimes i like my own company too much. need time to reflect, to be silly, to be with a book and there;s nothing wrong with that. anyway, enjoy your space and time!

MobileMom said...

Ohh..I'm so there. Been in that situation before!!

Sometimes, you need your own space doing what ever you enjoy doing even if it's doing nothing!! It's not's just your space. Oh..I know how that feels.

elisataufik said...

I get asked "Tak boring ke?" all the time.
And I always think, "Boring??? Best ada lerrr.." he he he

d'arkampo said...

biarkanlah..asal dia bahagia?

err..let me rephrase that.

Bio kan le..asal kita bahagia.

kan kan..

CK said...

I am a bit of a recluse too. So what if people think I am weird?? Don't worry about it lah SF, live life the way you want it :)

Anonymous said...

hermit crabs are very social creatures trveling in packs of hundreds so saying if you were a hermit crab that would mean you like to move into differnt houses