Thursday, May 19, 2005

Of love, presents and jewellery

Love without boundaries is like a missile without a guidance system. You have no idea where it is going.

Dr Phil

“You lied.”


“You told me when we first got married that you didn’t like jewellery. But I have since found that you do like jewellery.”

“Well I didn’t lie. Then I didn’t like jewellery so much. But now its different. I am older and perhaps my taste has changed a little. There are certain situations where it would be nice to wear a little jewellery. And its not any jewellery that I want. None of those thick gold chains for me thanks.”

Every now and then we have these conversations. We touched base, feeling out how the other person feels about certain topics. Sometimes the topics are sensitive, sometimes its sensible.

This is so with each passing year, as we settle in comfortably in our married life. We sometimes begin to take each other for granted. Until something happens that reminds us not to do so.

I remember watching the movie Love Actually, there was a scene where Harry (Alan Rickman) bought jewellery as a present for his secretary. (She left him a note telling him to buy her something she wants not something she needs.) Karen (Emma Thomson) his wife, found the jewellery and thought that it was Harry’s Christmas present for her, so she hid it where she found it. And she was so disappointed to find that upon unwrapping her present, Harry had given her a CD as a Christmas present, and the jewellery was for someone else.

Yes it is true that very often its not what the gift is, but it’s the thought that counts. But there is something that we women love, to be appreciated, and to be pampered. And sometimes jewellery does say that. We want to know that we are worthy of pretty things and that you men think we are deserving of pretty and frivolous things. Especially when the man is your husband.

I also remember stories from a male friend of mine. He boasted that he never bothers to buy flowers for his wife because he feels that it is a waste of money. Instead, he says, often buys her nice expensive presents instead.

But I also remember him telling me that while courting a short term girlfriend (don’t ask) he sent her flowers, waiting for her in her hotel room. And he even bought a his girlfriend a present.

When I asked him, didn’t you get anything for your wife as well? He said, well she has my credit card. She can buy whatever she wants.

So I have to ask, why is it flowers/presents are a waste of money for wives, but are acceptable present for girlfriends/flings/mistress/gundiks?

But often we wives are to be blamed. We understand the financial commitments we have as a family; mortgages to pay for, savings for old age, holidays, savings for the children’s schools. So we tell him, its OK if he doesn’t waste money on us for frivolous things. We try not to ask too much from him. So much so we killed the romance.

You’re probably thinking, don’t be delusional woman! Which man loves to buy jewellery? Or flowers? Isn’t all that a waste of money?

But its not just about the gift. It’s the fact that he is showing how much he appreciates you, or that he was thinking of you and that he wants to see your smile and your joy when you open the package.

Surely, love is not about material things? Surely love is about the feelings we feel inside that counts. Some men I know, actually buys the wife gifts because he feels guilty that he has done something naughty.

Well that could be true too.

But a good genuine surprise now and then shouldn’t hurt. All I am saying to the men out there, please don’t take your wives for granted. She may say, no thank you, I don’t need jewellery or gifts from you, because I appreciate the fact that you come home to me every night. But it wouldn’t hurt to pamper her once in a while.

And for the wives, I think some positive reinforcements won’t hurt either ;)


The bag behind the laptop Posted by Hello

He had hidden the second blue bag behind my laptop, waiting for me to discover it. I had seen it but it didn’t occur to me that it was a different bag. A second bag. I just didn’t think it was a possibility. Until he literally pointed it out to me.

“Honey look! Two bags! Didn’t you see it?”

I was laughing like a small child.

Thank you darling. Thank you for pampering me. And you know I will always pamper you too ;)

I love you as long as you love me too.

Thanks honey. Posted by Hello


CK said...

Sooooooo...what did he get you this time? *me so green with envy* :P

CK said...

Hehe, sorry, didn't see the matching necklace on the bag, silly me! :) Waaahhh, next should be what, bracelet? anklet? Muahahaha...

teek said...

woaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh....2nd bag turquoise-ish bag! sweeet!

*dengki ;)

Leen Ash Burn said...

Grouphug everyonnneeeee!

Lollies said...

My lover yang tak ada duit tu, sometimes surprise me with flowers. Not the expensive bouquet tapik well I must say I am flattered. We are practical people, but he pampers me as much as he can afford.

Of courselah I will baby him after that, even more.

ANyway what's in the bag?

atiza said...

The last prezzie I got from H was a handphone. Can't blame him though..I guess being a technical person made him mechanical too...

Now all the more reason to play 'doctor-doctor' more often then, huh?

Mobilemom said...

Awwwww....sooo sweet. Way to go "S"!!

I wonder if hubby reads this entry today...heh heh heh

Hubby may not be a romantic person by nature. But then again, for all the sweet moments and sacrifies he has done for me and for the kids since I got diagnosed and's good enough for me. Infact, I love him more and more by the day.

Kak Teh said...

hmmm i tend to get things like books, books books. cant even hang them around my neck or dangle down my ears. Syoknya, lucky you sf!

CikNi said...

mine was a second hand digital camera for our anniversary on 1/5

Sunflora said...

CK hmm I don't expect anything, I just leave it to his own good judgement ;)

Teek, ehhh tak sweet laa it tasted like cardboard! You lied! ;)

Leen *hugs*

Lollies, hey see he does pamper you and thats the part that counts! Re:contents in bag is hung on its front ;)

Atiza, phone laa best! that means you "hold" him everyday :) Everytime you use it its a reminder of how much he loves you.

Mobilemom, Aren;t you the lucky one. Well its all predestined and I am sure Allah has planned good things for you.

Kakteh, hmmm I don't mind books either but that means hubby knows your taste in books and thats pretty important! I don't think mine can pick a book for me. Alhamdullilah.

CikNI so when can we see pictures from that digital camera? :)