Love without boundaries is like a missile without a guidance system. You have no idea where it is going.
“You told me when we first got married that you didn’t like jewellery. But I have since found that you do like jewellery.”
“Well I didn’t lie. Then I didn’t like jewellery so much. But now its different. I am older and perhaps my taste has changed a little. There are certain situations where it would be nice to wear a little jewellery. And its not any jewellery that I want. None of those thick gold chains for me thanks.”
Every now and then we have these conversations. We touched base, feeling out how the other person feels about certain topics. Sometimes the topics are sensitive, sometimes its sensible.
This is so with each passing year, as we settle in comfortably in our married life. We sometimes begin to take each other for granted. Until something happens that reminds us not to do so.
I remember watching the movie Love Actually, there was a scene where Harry (Alan Rickman) bought jewellery as a present for his secretary. (She left him a note telling him to buy her something she wants not something she needs.) Karen (Emma Thomson) his wife, found the jewellery and thought that it was Harry’s Christmas present for her, so she hid it where she found it. And she was so disappointed to find that upon unwrapping her present, Harry had given her a CD as a Christmas present, and the jewellery was for someone else.
Yes it is true that very often its not what the gift is, but it’s the thought that counts. But there is something that we women love, to be appreciated, and to be pampered. And sometimes jewellery does say that. We want to know that we are worthy of pretty things and that you men think we are deserving of pretty and frivolous things. Especially when the man is your husband.
I also remember stories from a male friend of mine. He boasted that he never bothers to buy flowers for his wife because he feels that it is a waste of money. Instead, he says, often buys her nice expensive presents instead.
But I also remember him telling me that while courting a short term girlfriend (don’t ask) he sent her flowers, waiting for her in her hotel room. And he even bought a his girlfriend a present.
When I asked him, didn’t you get anything for your wife as well? He said, well she has my credit card. She can buy whatever she wants.
So I have to ask, why is it flowers/presents are a waste of money for wives, but are acceptable present for girlfriends/flings/mistress/gundiks?
But often we wives are to be blamed. We understand the financial commitments we have as a family; mortgages to pay for, savings for old age, holidays, savings for the children’s schools. So we tell him, its OK if he doesn’t waste money on us for frivolous things. We try not to ask too much from him. So much so we killed the romance.
You’re probably thinking, don’t be delusional woman! Which man loves to buy jewellery? Or flowers? Isn’t all that a waste of money?
But its not just about the gift. It’s the fact that he is showing how much he appreciates you, or that he was thinking of you and that he wants to see your smile and your joy when you open the package.
Surely, love is not about material things? Surely love is about the feelings we feel inside that counts. Some men I know, actually buys the wife gifts because he feels guilty that he has done something naughty.
Well that could be true too.
But a good genuine surprise now and then shouldn’t hurt. All I am saying to the men out there, please don’t take your wives for granted. She may say, no thank you, I don’t need jewellery or gifts from you, because I appreciate the fact that you come home to me every night. But it wouldn’t hurt to pamper her once in a while.
And for the wives, I think some positive reinforcements won’t hurt either ;)
The bag behind the laptop
He had hidden the second blue bag behind my laptop, waiting for me to discover it. I had seen it but it didn’t occur to me that it was a different bag. A second bag. I just didn’t think it was a possibility. Until he literally pointed it out to me.
“Honey look! Two bags! Didn’t you see it?”
I was laughing like a small child.
Thank you darling. Thank you for pampering me. And you know I will always pamper you too ;)
I love you as long as you love me too.