Sunday, May 22, 2005

Women getting along ... or not...

In my quest to build up my social calendar, I have been able to meet all sorts of different people. Some nice, some ok and some just plain nasty. But what I find most difficult is when I am in the neutral center of two people or two groups who don’t get along. And women, when they don’t get along, things can be very nasty.

I hate tiptoeing between “warring factions” because women can be very mean when they want to be. The vicious gossip, the cattyness is just beyond comprehension for me. And what’s with the playground mentality? If you’re on her team and you’re her friend, I guess you won’t be my friend then. What is that all about? And the passing on trivial gossip, “Oh so and so are not getting along,” and “Oh so and so has 3 houses!” or “Did you know so and so is …?” What’s that all about?

Perhaps its just that the women here have less of a life that they resort to some of the nasty gossip. Or is it being surrounded by fellow Asians that things are somewhat competitive?

Why can’t people just get along and be nice and kind to one another without being catty? I suppose if you do hangout with the right person or the right group then you’d have the insider gossips, invites to nice parties with important people and access to some exclusive privileges. But does that really matter?

I find the easiest group for me to hangout with are groups that are formed because the women have the same interests. Like cooking and quilting. Ok Ok I can hear some of you snickering. I remember a label was thrown on me, “Oh you’re so domestic.” Domestic or not I enjoy being in the company of women who have the same interests as I do, and these women are very passionate in what we do, let it be cooking or quilting. Someone once ask me, “Why don’t you know how to cook? Is that why you go to cooking classes?” or “So why would you go to these classes if you don’t cook any of these dishes for us?” Well my answer to that is, it’s the socializing that I go for. I have been privileged to meet many women of various ages, experiences and different backgrounds. We are women who seek out activities for ourselves to expand, to experience something new and something different. As D said the other day, “I am so glad that I went to all these cooking classes because every single person I met at cooking classes are very nice people.”

Well D, perhaps we are a bunch of well fed people that’s why ;) No growling hungry stomachs to make us mean and catty.

And these women are all so willing to share! They share resources, they share information, everything! Its amazing how much fabric we women are willing to share in the quilt guild! And most of us know how precious good fabrics are here!

And funnily enough, the number of Asian ladies within these circles are so little. Why is that? Language barrier? Reluctance to hangout with people who are not from the same social/racial background as them?

So laugh at me if you must because I am forever going for cooking and quilting class. But please don’t come to me and tell me how much you hate the other groups or the other person. I am no angel myself and I am not immune to being catty when provoked. But I prefer to sit in my little shell, doing my own stuff without knowing too much who gets along with whom, doing what.

I am trying my hardest to keep my trap shut so I don’t accidentally feed the animosity between people who don’t get along. The less I know the better. Ignorance is bliss after all.

How hard is it for one person just remain neutral without getting involved?


anasalwa said...

I'm with you. I have a few friends, but these friends could tell me what I don't want to hear, honest and most of all we radiant from each other. I stay away from negative people as far as I could, either at work or in campus. They could drain out your energy.
I'm like you too, I sign up for drawing class (remember about my entry when we had a nude model?), writing classes and I've been thinking about signing up for glass blowing class.
And you're absolutely right, when we the quilters get together all we talk about is fabric, fabric, fabric, where to get the best deal, which stores have a sale and so on, no time for bitching.

atenah said...

tho i miss melayus, i'm kinda glad that i'm the only malay on campus. i really get to meet different ppl. 1 trick that i learn is that once you establish yrself as a non-gossiper, ppl will stop gossiping with you, aah a peace of mind.

Lollies said...

Sape le nak ketawakan. I jeles sebenonya.I memang nak gi belajar cooking. Western ke, japanese ke, italian ke. That is really good. In fact I have thoght to myself.Sunflora ni tak join apa2ke kat sana. Nanti boring pulak tak bersosial.

Good for you

Sunflora said...

Anasalwa: Ahhh you got that right negative people drain out our energy. Sometimes I wonder don't they ever get tired being so negative?
Hey tell me more about your glass blwing class! I am sure that's be really interesting. I did try some watercolour classes before but apparently its not that popular here. And yes fabric, fabric, fabric.

atenah, thats so true. People stopped calling me because I told them "Well I don't want to talk about that."

Lollies, perhaps one day you'll get to try some too :)