This thread can be found here.
Sunflora: The caveat you put ("that no other person is hurt at all") is impossible to attain. As a man, I know and understand that no woman would one to share her husband. And this was attested by my Wife, the Willing One. She was hurt, but not in the magnitude that would destroy her or make her dysfunctional. What woman would not? But mankind are driven by a higher purpose, we live by a certain moral code. That moral code should dictate how we react to certain issues.
Which higher purpose are you referring to? The need to save so called single women in their 30s who have not yet married? The need to procreate? The need to fulfil your sexual desire?
And which moral code are you referring to? The moral code whereby it is acceptable for a man to marry four. When our Prophet SAW married four, they were not single virgin ladies (except for Aisha). They were single mothers with children, who had no one to support them. Is that the moral code you were referring to?
I had greater respect for you when you were honest enough to say that you were just horny and could not keep your little man in your pants. Some people did not like it but I respected you because you were honest.
But all this justification, using moral codes as justification? If you want to do it, just be a man and go ahead and do it. Who cares what other people think. Why care what I think? Why care what other Malays think? Be a man and take a stand and relieve both women out of their misery of your indecision. Either make an honest woman out of her or end the whole thing. Either way, frankly I don’t really care because it doesn’t concern me. I lead my life the way I want to lead mine and I believe that everyone should lead their lives the way they want to lead theirs.
I only gave my opinion because I thought I read the thoughts of one confused woman. A woman who is stuck between a rock and a hard place. Her I feel for, you however, I know that you knew what you did. She’s not your first and she won’t be your last. You’re not the first man to do it, and won’t be the last one either. But her, she’s the one who people will blame. She’s the one who will be ostracized while you, the MAN, will be cheered upon. “Good for you!” they will all say. Other men will ask you how you do it. The women will just excuse you for “not being able to withhold himself.” But HER, for her it will be different. The whispers she could have to endure behind her back ,”Ah that’s the homewrecker.” Or “That’s HER.” At her work place. At weddings. At parties. They will all give her THAT look but you they will cheer upon.
Of course it sounds romantic. A romeo and Juliet sort of relationship. The one where “everyone” opposed. But frankly, do what you want to do already. I only give a hoot because I do not ever want to be “THE WILLING ONE”’s shoes. Nauzubillah. But if she’s willing good for her. May she gain a place for herself in jannah.
A man, a husband, if he really loves his wife, should never ever subject his wife to this sort of agony. He should be able to put her happiness above his itch. But that’s much too hard isn’t it? To just be true to one person for the rest of your life? To rekindle the romance and the lust with the same person for 20 years or more. Its much easier to find excitement with a new and often younger person. Its more exciting. More romantic. How many of us send our shoes to the cobbler to be mended anyways? We just throw them out and buy a new one. Society does it to our shoes, surely that’s acceptable.
Some of us prefer the hard road, others just like to find the easy way out. But ultimately it’s a choice that each individual has to make for himself/herself. As Newton’s third law states, “With every action, there is and equal and opposite reaction.” As long as we all know that there will be consequences to all our actions and we are willing to accept the consequences whatever they may be, why do you care what other people think? Why so defensive? Why do you feel that you’re under attack?
What ever it is, good luck to you. Just stop your justification already.