Monday, May 30, 2005

To Trust or not to trust

This thread can be found here.

Trust said...
Sunflora: The caveat you put ("that no other person is hurt at all") is impossible to attain. As a man, I know and understand that no woman would one to share her husband. And this was attested by my Wife, the Willing One. She was hurt, but not in the magnitude that would destroy her or make her dysfunctional. What woman would not? But mankind are driven by a higher purpose, we live by a certain moral code. That moral code should dictate how we react to certain issues.

Dear Trust,

Which higher purpose are you referring to? The need to save so called single women in their 30s who have not yet married? The need to procreate? The need to fulfil your sexual desire?

And which moral code are you referring to? The moral code whereby it is acceptable for a man to marry four. When our Prophet SAW married four, they were not single virgin ladies (except for Aisha). They were single mothers with children, who had no one to support them. Is that the moral code you were referring to?

I had greater respect for you when you were honest enough to say that you were just horny and could not keep your little man in your pants. Some people did not like it but I respected you because you were honest.

But all this justification, using moral codes as justification? If you want to do it, just be a man and go ahead and do it. Who cares what other people think. Why care what I think? Why care what other Malays think? Be a man and take a stand and relieve both women out of their misery of your indecision. Either make an honest woman out of her or end the whole thing. Either way, frankly I don’t really care because it doesn’t concern me. I lead my life the way I want to lead mine and I believe that everyone should lead their lives the way they want to lead theirs.

I only gave my opinion because I thought I read the thoughts of one confused woman. A woman who is stuck between a rock and a hard place. Her I feel for, you however, I know that you knew what you did. She’s not your first and she won’t be your last. You’re not the first man to do it, and won’t be the last one either. But her, she’s the one who people will blame. She’s the one who will be ostracized while you, the MAN, will be cheered upon. “Good for you!” they will all say. Other men will ask you how you do it. The women will just excuse you for “not being able to withhold himself.” But HER, for her it will be different. The whispers she could have to endure behind her back ,”Ah that’s the homewrecker.” Or “That’s HER.” At her work place. At weddings. At parties. They will all give her THAT look but you they will cheer upon.

Of course it sounds romantic. A romeo and Juliet sort of relationship. The one where “everyone” opposed. But frankly, do what you want to do already. I only give a hoot because I do not ever want to be “THE WILLING ONE”’s shoes. Nauzubillah. But if she’s willing good for her. May she gain a place for herself in jannah.

A man, a husband, if he really loves his wife, should never ever subject his wife to this sort of agony. He should be able to put her happiness above his itch. But that’s much too hard isn’t it? To just be true to one person for the rest of your life? To rekindle the romance and the lust with the same person for 20 years or more. Its much easier to find excitement with a new and often younger person. Its more exciting. More romantic. How many of us send our shoes to the cobbler to be mended anyways? We just throw them out and buy a new one. Society does it to our shoes, surely that’s acceptable.

Some of us prefer the hard road, others just like to find the easy way out. But ultimately it’s a choice that each individual has to make for himself/herself. As Newton’s third law states, “With every action, there is and equal and opposite reaction.” As long as we all know that there will be consequences to all our actions and we are willing to accept the consequences whatever they may be, why do you care what other people think? Why so defensive? Why do you feel that you’re under attack?

What ever it is, good luck to you. Just stop your justification already.


Trust said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
anedra said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Trust said...

This debate will end nowhere. What I wanted to imply was, but failed to arrive at your Comprehension City, was that the caveat you put was too impossible to fulfil.

The Code that I was referring to allows me to run over your caveat. I am not justifying myself. I was closing your caveat. If you put an argument to something but disallow me from putting forth the same technical just because I was -as perceived by you- being less honest by it, so be it.

There was never a question whether I should I marry her or not. I am clear on my thoughts and objectives. It is Jezebels like you that needs convincing, henceforth all my argument. You liked some of my argument, you disliked some of my argument. It is fine either way, by me.

The dog barking the mountain will not make the mountain turn into a mole hill.

"A man, a husband, if he really loves his wife, should never ever subject his wife to this sort of agony."

This sort of idealism fuels the flesh industry. Fuels adultery, fuels incest, fuels extramarital sex. Are you blind to the current Malaysian Sexual Revolution? Are you really that naive, living where you are, notwithstanding?

If a man like me have to create so much of a landing platform for the likes of you, what hope do laymen have?

The bordello down the street?

Sunflora said...

Hahaha you're doing it _again_. All the justification. Sure sure its "Jezebels" like me who needs convincing. I believe you. Are you telling me or are you trying to tell yourself that? Idealism indeed fuels the flesh industry! Of course you're the expert in all this surely, of course I believe you 100%! After all I am only the naive one, you the wolf, the hunter the philanderer, is the world wisely one, still continues to justify yourself :) Get yourself a new line of argument already. That one is getting old. Its recycled.

But I'd have to ask again.. why do you even care.. to even explain yourself.. _again_? Even when you know the debate will end nowhere?

Ah because the ego in you always want to have the last word. Let's see.

Black Pants said...

If wanting to be the only one to share her husband's bed is being a Jezebel, then all women would be one. Your mother, your sisters, your cousins, your daughters, your grand-daughters. Only a man who doesn't care about hurting his wife can inflict such hurt upon them and then continue to justify it.

In all my life, I can only accept two possibilities whereby a man takes on a second wife. One is if his wife is incapable of performing her duties in the marital bed due to a prolonged and incurable illness (and therefore she allows him to take on another wife) as he does not want to divorce her. The second is if the woman is destitute and the only way he can help her is by marrying her. Even the second one is laced with huge amounts of scepticism - if one really wanted to help another human being, you don't have to marry them to do it.

I wonder how a man would feel if the women he loved had another lover? Legalities and religious restrictions aside, that is exactly what it is. The emotional heartache is just the same. If a man can truly love his wife and share her, please step forward. I have a "Liar" sticker to spare.

Sorry for hijacking your blog Flora. Coming back to London anytime soon?

p/s - the quilt is lovely. Have promised a friend I'd make one for her baby after my exams. So that's a month of intensive sewing for me. Won't turn out half as nice as yours has though..

Trust said...

Since you guys are skinning me alive at least bagilah quilt satu. Depa kata malam pengantin baru selalu sejuk.

Sunflora said...

Yazmin, I have no probs abt you airing you views. Not as many people are as "idealistic" and "naive" as we are apparently ;)

London, I'd love to go back but often I can't decide if I want to return to the places I am familiar with or venture to new places to explore.

The quilt looks nice because its a small picture hahaha if you see it closely there are many crooked stitched.

Trust, hehehe sejuk? Selimut? I thought you wont be sleeping? And you have each other to keep each over warm :P