Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Haji mabrur?

So with a wildly beating heart, S drove to the side of the road. My heart had sank so many times that trip I didn’t think it could sink any lower. I recited my Talbiyah in my heart and said many silent prayers. I finally decided that I really want to do this journey.

Please God, I really, really want to do this. I may have been undecided or clueless but I am really submitting myself to you. Please accept my submission.

I gave the papers to S, and he and one of the Ustaz got off the car to greet the policeman. The other Ustaz stayed in the car with me. We sat there quietly, not knowing our Fate.

I thought, here we are, so many miles away from home. Making this journey that has been littered with some obstacles. I took the obstacles as little tests, tests to ensure that I am going with a pure heart, making sure that I am going for the sole purpose of submitting myself to Allah and nothing else. We had that car accident, we had difficulty in getting the visa and we minor hiccups with the arrangements. Despite all that, here we are. At an extra checkpoint. And there was nothing else I want in the world right now rather than to soldier on this journey have I have begun to undertake. There is no turning back. I don’t want to turn back.

According to the hadith from Sahih Bukhari, Vol 4, Book 52, No 43, Narrated by Aisha;

“The best Jihad (for women) is Hajj- mabrur (Ie Hajj which is done according to the Prophet’s tradition and is accepted by Allah.)

And so here was my battle. The beginning of one of the biggest battles of my life, waiting in our car, for our fate to be decided by Allah and a policeman.

S came back to the car. The Ustaz accompanying him said, “He just wanted to get to know us better” and smiled.

Apparently they were greeted with “Hajj mabrur?” to which they replied with a smile and an answer, “Umrah.”

Yes Umrah was the first order of the day as soon as we arrive in the Haram area.

The Policeman apparently asked them where they were from and what they were doing there. As soon as he got satisfactory answers, he let them go.

And with that we drove on, directly to Haram. And I never felt more ready for this journey.

Kak Z called to find out if we managed to go through the checkpoint. I said yes, Alhamdullilah, we managed to get in and she reminded me to do two ra’kaat of solat kesyukuran (prayer of gratitude). I thanked her for her reminder and kept a small note to myself to remember to do it.

And on to battle ….

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